Page 69 of The Break Out

Baby Collee: You’ll figure it out when you get back.

Colton: Can’t wait.

Now, we’re landing close to my hometown, and I look out at the scenery as the plane hits the ground. The bus takes us to the hotel, and I stare out the window the whole time as the memories come back like they always do when I’m here. The good, the bad, and the worse.

At the hotel, we all go up to our rooms and I’m quick to change and leave because we’re heading out right after the game tomorrow afternoon, so this is the only chance I have. I get a ride-share to come pick me up and take me to the cemetery a town over. Pulling my hood up over my head as I walk the familiar path to my brother.

His headstone is simple.

Joshua Wheeler

Son and brother

Forever loved

I threw a fit about it at the time. That didn’t encompass who he was as a person. He was only ten when he died, but those ten years were so full and that’s all they could come up with. Of course, it wasn’t up to me, and my parents did what they wanted anyway.

Sitting down in front of the grave, I wipe away the dirt and grime that is covering the stone.

“Hey bro,” I say, resting my arms on my bent knees. “Sorry I can’t come see you that often, you know how I used to play in L.A.? Well, I got traded to Denver, our biggest rivals. It’s been rough, but I’m sure you would love to give me shit.”

I chuckle remembering the dumb little fights we would get into.

“I miss you every day, you know?”

The inevitable tears start to well in my eyes when I really think about how much I miss him. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him.

“I met a girl. You’d like her. I bet you and her would gang up on me and she’d probably like you more than me anyway.” I smile, but it only makes the sadness worse knowing Brynn will never get the chance to meet him.

I can picture it so vividly, though. The way they would have exchanged embarrassing stories about me and probably plotted some pranks to play on me together. I can almost imagine the conversation I would’ve had with Josh about her.

“Pretty sure you’ve met my dream woman,”he’d tell me.

“Back off and get in line, this one is mine.”

“She likes me better; you’re too mean for her.”

I’d laugh. “She likes me mean.”

“Fuck, man, I wish you were still here.” The tears come down and I can’t stop them. I just want him to say something. Anything. Just give me one more minute with him. To hug him, say goodbye.

Doesn’t matter how long he’s been gone I always wish we had more time. Time I’ll never get back. Which is when I have to remember the last thing he said to me and it’s when I pull myselftogether enough to say goodbye. His last words to me play back like he’s saying them in real time.

“Live for me.”

The same words I have tattooed on my chest over my heart.

“Bye, Josh. Love ya.”

By the time I get back to the hotel I’m emotionally exhausted. All I can do is collapse on the bed and go to sleep. The weirdest part, though, is at this moment when I usually want to be alone, I’m wishing a certain blonde woman was here with me. Because all I want right now is to have her wrapped in my arms and that’s the image I have as I fall asleep.

32

Ihave yet to hear back from Kenneth’s publicist so I’m hoping whatever they’re trying to deal with has been snuffed out. Or at least they have decided to keep Spencer out of whatever it is. Either way is fine with me. I have enough going on myself I don’t need to deal with anything involving that asshole.

Speaking of assholes, Colton is coming back today, and I’m conflicted.

On one hand, the distance from him is nice because it helps me not feel like I’m going insane because when he’s nearby I seem to lose all rational thought. On the other hand, I have yet to get myself off without him and aside from that, I kind of miss him.

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