Page 19 of The Break Out

We met in college, and at that time Spencer was just posting videos of herself singing on YouTube. Eventually, it became more than that and she got widely popular, and the rest is history. I was studying public relations in college so when she needed a publicist, she hired me, and it’s been a balancing act of our friendship and work ever since.

So days like today are nice. It reminds me of college when everything was easier. When my family wasn’t as strained with Bailey’s chosen absence and Brandon’s…well anyway. Shaking the depressive thoughts away, I decide to reach out to my other brother, Bryson. I’m not as close to him as I am Brent, but we keep in touch every so often.

When I pick up my phone to call him, I see a message I must have missed on my social media. I scowl at the screen when I see who it’s from.

Colton: Missing me yet, Princess?

Not even slightly,I think to myself. Ignoring the message I call my brother.

Bryson answers and the background noise is loud like he’s at a club or something based on all the voices and music.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Hey, where are you?” I ask.

“Uh, out with some friends. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just calling to say hi.” I pick at some lint on my pants because it’s clear he’s busy and will want to get off the phone quickly.

“Oh, hi. Sorry, Brynn, can I call you back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sorry to bother you!” I fake cheeriness in my voice because if I’m honest I’m a little disappointed. I wanted to talk to him. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone in my family,but they are all too busy or too preoccupied with other things to talk to me, and it just makes me feel silly for trying.

“It’s okay,” his voice is sincere, but I hear his name called in the background. “I’ll call tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, whenever you’re not busy. It’s okay.”

“Okay, talk later, sis.”

“Love–” The call cuts off and I feel the tears brimming, but I blink them away. I’m not going to cry.

And because I clearly am some sort of masochist, or the loneliness has driven me to insanity I actually reply to Colton.

Brynn: You wish.

Colton: Go out with me when we come back.

Brynn: No.

Colton: One drink.

Brynn: How many times do I have to tell you no?

Colton: Until I have you under me screaming, “yes.”

Ugh.I regret replying. Staring at the screen I don’t know what to say. And I know I shouldn’t say anything else. He just likes to fuck with me and wants what he can’t have.

And yet, it reminds me how long it’s been since I’ve been with someone. I’ve never dated anyone seriously, just a handful of dates that lead to more, but then it just kind of fades out. I’venever had those butterflies, fireworks, seeing stars type of feelings that I hear about. The same feelings Spencer sings about in her love songs and yet I’ve never felt it.

I’ve also never felt the heartbreak she sings about either because I’ve never felt so strongly for anyone I’ve been with to be upset when it ends.

Sometimes I think I’m defective.

Other people have it, but I don’t.

Since I started working with Spencer, I became so busy that dating took a back seat and that includes sex. Rereading Colton’s text makes me think even more about that and realizing how long it’s been since I’ve even gotten myself off.

I refuse to admit that his words may have made me feel a certain way. Which results in wetness between my legs. But it’s notbecauseof him. No, just the thought of being underanyone elsescreaming yes.

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