Page 94 of The Power Play

“What do you need?” she asks, nervously.

“To tell you how I feel. I’m sick of hiding it from you and last night was just scratching the surface, but you don’t understand, Audrey. I can’t pretend anymore.”

Her breath hitches and I can feel her urge to run already. I press a hand on the small of her back, holding her to me so she can’t easily leave.

“Okay,” she whispers.

“I meant what I said to you. Every single thing. I’m in love with you. Honestly, I think I fell for you before I even knew who you were. And maybe that’s ridiculous and delusional but I don’t care. I’ve never felt like this with anyone else. I’m always thinking about you, always looking forward to when I can see you next. I fucking love you, Audrey, and it’s okay if you can’t say it back or you don’t want to, but I needed you to know.”

She looks at me with wide eyes, her mouth opening and closing, unsure of what to say. I run my hand along her back while she stares at me, and when she finally speaks, I deflate slightly.

“Charlie, I have to go.”

I shake my head. “Where? Where do you possibly have to go?”

“I just,” she sighs, closing her eyes. “I need to just think about things for a little, okay?”

I drop my arms and she takes the immediate opportunity to roll away from me. I knew the risk of admitting my feelings, but I thought maybe she would finally admit her feelings. She doesn’t have to say she loves me, but just give mesomething.But she can’t.

“You’re still not running from this, from me.” I tell her as she’s pulling on a pair of sweatpants and one ofmyt-shirts.

“I’m not. I just…” her voice trails off. “I promise I’m not running. Please believe that.”

I nod, “I trust you.”

And yet I let her walk out the door.

I spendthe rest of the day driving myself to the brink of insanity wondering if she’s going to come back and when. Even though we don’t have practice I find myself at the practice arena, anyway, working out in the gym and then running a few drills on the ice myself.

Too bad the second I get a break to breathe I’m reminded of Audrey. When she came and found me here and knew instantly what I needed to feel better. She knew when I needed to take back control and I knew when she needed the same. And yet, now I feel completely helpless and lost on where we stand.

All because I couldn’t hold back how I felt any longer and scared her. Just like I knew it would. And yet I did it anyway. I spent years afraid to get close to anyone and then when I finally do, it’s not someone I was afraid would trap me, but the exact opposite.

Isn’t that some shit?

By the time I’ve exhausted myself enough at the rink I go home, dragging myself through my front door where I find Audrey standing in the entryway, just waiting. Her hands folded in front of her as she shifts nervously. I don’t see bags, so I take that as a good sign.

I don’t say anything, waiting for her to break the silence.

“I’ve never fallen in love. I didn’t know how it felt because I never gave it a chance. I didn’t want to, but also there wasn’t anyone I’ve ever met that I felt could change that. And then I met you. I didn’t know who you were, I never saw your face and yet you intrigued me in a way no one else had before.”

She pauses and I wait while my heart threatens to beat out of my chest.

“And then I got to know you.Reallyknow you. And felt things I’ve never felt before. Things that scared me. And you know now what I went through when I was younger, and I vowed to myselfno onewould have that power over me again. I’m going to be me, no matter what and that will never change.”

“I would never try to change you, I love everything about–”

“I know,” she cuts me off. “I know you wouldn’t. You love me as I am. You love me knowing what I do. Knowing my past. Knowing who I am as a person inside and out.”

“I do,” I nod.

“I want you to know that I left to organize my thoughts, not to discover them. I knew I loved you last night, this morning, and right now. I just didn’t know how to say it.”

My heart completely drops at what she’s saying. “You love me.”

She chuckles lightly, “I do.” Copying my words from a moment ago.

I go to her, cupping her face in my hands so I can keep her gaze on mine, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she smiles up at me.

---