Page 82 of The Power Play

She laughs, “Tell me again why you’re so afraid of the L word?”

“Because it’sscary,“ I exaggerate.

“I get that it’sscary,but tell me why, exactly. I know you’ve never been interested in any sort of long-term relationship, so I never thought we would get this far. Now that it has, I guess I just want to know what’s really holding you back.”

Tucking my legs underneath myself as I sit up, I mumble my reason because I know she’s going to refute it almost instantly. And honestly, I know it’s a weak excuse, especially after I told it to Charlie.

“I don’t want to give anyone the power to control me,” I mumble.

Chandler scoffs, “You think you’d befalling in lovewith someone who is wanting to control you?”

I throw my hands up. “I get it, I know it’s stupid. You know all about my childhood though, and I just hate the thought of that being my reality again.”

“I know, I get that, but let me ask you one thing. Has Charlie ever once acted like he wants to control you or what you do?”

“Not outside the bedroom if you know what I mean,” I wink at her.

“Oh, I know what you mean. Do you think he would ever want you to stop camming?”

That’s really what it comes down to, in some ways, isn’t it? I love what I do, and I don’t want to have to give it up. I know a lot of guys wouldn’t be okay with it, just like strippers who have boyfriends that hate what they do and make them quit.

Charlie has never once acted like he would want me to change what I do for work. Or change anything about myself. Maybe that’s why I’m…potentially falling for him.

“No, I don’t think he would. I think he likes it.”

She gives me a pointed look and I groan again, throwing my head back against the couch cushions.

“So, maybe you should tell him how you’re feeling. I bet he’s feeling the same,” she nudges.

“And if he doesn’t?”

“He does,” she replies instantly.

“How do you know?”

She smiles, taking another healthy bite of cereal and not answering.

“Okay, well,howeveryou know you should tell Vince to give this same advice to Charlie.”

“How’d you know it’s Vince?”

“Are you kidding me? Matt wouldn’t ever care, and Brent wouldn’t say anything if he knew.”

“Fine, it was Vince. But regardless, I’m sure you’ve given your ‘I don’t do serious, and this doesn’t mean anything’ speech to Charlie enough that he wouldn’t dare admit his feelings unless you do first.”

“It’s scary how you know me so well,” I tease.

“It’s a gift. Now, tell me more about when you started feeling this way,” she bounces excitedly.

“Well, there was this one time when he ditched the condom and came on me instead–”

“I’m done,” she shakes her head laughing, taking her empty bowl to the kitchen.

I call out after her, “What? I was getting to the good stuff.”

After I leave Chandler’s,I go to pick up some more items from my house. Before going inside, I update my group chat once again.

Audrey: Hypothetically what would you do if you start having feelings for a viewer?

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