Page 124 of The Hat Trick

Mom places her hand on my arm lightly and gives me a sympathetic look. “We wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she says softly.

Of course, they know too. I’m sure Em told them just like she told them about Chandler in the first place. There are no secrets in this family. Well, I guess there was one, but that one is out in the open now.

“I’m,” I pause, “I don’t know what I am.” I tell her honestly and the small amount of peace I’ve managed to find today evaporates as my thoughts are consumed by a little brunette with green eyes.

My mom squeezes my arm again and I look at her. “You’ll get her back,” she whispers.

“How do you know?” I ask quietly, feeling like a little kid needing my mom’s reassurance.

“Because any woman who you give your heart to won’t have the option. You’re too determined and stubborn. Plus, she’d be crazy not to love you,” she smiles.

I pull her back into a hug once again. I may not know exactly how I’m going to get Chandler back; I know it’s going to happen. I just need to come up with a plan.

43

Iwish I could say I haven’t been watching each and every game since I ended things with the guys, but that would be a lie. I take comfort in seeing them in some way. Which I realize sounds so stupid since I’m the reason they aren’t in my life anymore.

Vince has tried to text me, but they all go unanswered. I would go back to them in a second but I meant what I said. I need time. This was all too much too fast and then it blew up in my face. All the insecurities I had about our…relationshipcame out in a very public way, and it was worse than I thought.

Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I still am. Then again, can anyone be mad at me and say that love is selfish. I didn’t know I would fall in love with all three of them. I couldn’t have predicted any of this happening, but it did. None of us can take it back, we can either move on whether that be together or apart. Regardless, I need time to figure it out.

That time has included still watching their games. I could tell they haven’t been playing as well since they ended up losing a bunch of their away games. Audrey will still watch games with me, and she doesn’t say anything about how it’s a bad idea. She also doesn’t tease me about any of them which is something I miss.

Watching the games isn’t as exciting of an occasion as it was. It’s more somber, like a punishment. Tonight is no different as I turn on the game. They are home today and it’s harder to watch these games, knowing they are so close and that I could go to them if I wanted to. I want to so badly. To be back in their arms but I can’t. I shouldn’t.

I’m glued to the screen, even though I have my computer in my lap acting like I’m multitasking when really all I can focus on are the men on the TV. Three of them in particular, but I really have become a fan of hockey so I can appreciate the game anyway.

This game has been tense from the start with a lot of hits that haven’t been called when they probably should have been. Some of the guys start shoving at each other before the puck even drops on a couple of the plays.

I watch as the other team gets close to scoring a goal, but they end up missing and running into the Dragons goalie. Hard. Everything happens so quickly after that. Matt is on the guy, pulling him away and hitting him. Both guys have their gloves off and they are going at each other with their fists. Matt is unleashing on this guy and I’m unable to pull my eyes away even as the referees try to pull them apart, they aren’t letting up. Especially Matt, he acts like no one is there pulling him back as he continues to beat the guy bloody.

There’s chaos everywhere else on the ice as other players try to join in on both teams and it is an all-out brawl. I know the guys have said before that you never touch the goalie. I’ve just never seenthisreaction. The refs keep trying to pull players apart, but as soon as two separate there are others that are going at it, and no one is letting up.

“Holy shit, dude,” Audrey says and it’s the first time either of us have spoken since the fighting began.

I can’t take my eyes off Matt who still hasn’t let up. He was separated once, but that didn’t stop him, and he ended up just going back to fighting. I’m not even sure if he’s still fighting the original guy or if it’s someone else.

Finally, the refs manage to pull everyone apart and some go to the penalty box, some go to the tunnel which includes Matt.

“You think he’s being ejected from the game?” I ask.

“Hard to say, do you think they would do that?”

“Yeah.”

I know that can happen. So can fines or even being suspended for multiple games. I chew on my bottom lip as the TV goes to a commercial break while they probably reset everyone and figure out the penalties.

“You still haven’t talked to any of them?” Audrey asks quietly.

I feel the tears threatening to shed just like they have at some point every single day since they left my house.

I shake my head. “No.”

“Do you think you’re going to?” I can tell she’s being cautious with her questions like she always is, but it’s impossible to hide how much it sucked losing them. Even if it was my decision.

“I don’t know.” I turn to face her more fully. “Do you think it was a mistake ending it with them over that article? Sometimes I feel like maybe I overreacted, especially when they seemed like it didn’t even bother them that much.”

She sighs, facing me as well. “It was your decision, Chan, and I don’t really think I’m the best person to ask that. You were judged for your sex life, which is something I experience almost daily. But I do get it because I’ve never experienced it to the same…degree as you did.”

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