Page 119 of The Hat Trick

“You don’t have to do this,” he rasps against my hair. It’s the only emotion he’s shown since they came inside, and it sounds like a plea.

“But I do.” I pull back, the tears aren’t stopping, and he wipes under my eyes with his thumbs. “I can’t have this affect you guys more than it already has. I can’t…”live with the humiliation. The last part remains unsaid, replaced by a sob from my throat.

“Don’t worry about us, beautiful. We can handle this. We want to helpyouhandle it,” he says softly.

“Then let me go,” I say on a broken whisper.

“Is that what you really want?” Brent questions.

I nod. Unable to voice the lie.

“Bullshit,” Matt snaps. “That’s bullshit and you all know it. We are better together, and we can handle this together too. Fuck what everyone else is saying. Fuck everyone who doesn’t understand. Fuck all of it, the only opinions that matter are those of the people standing in this room.”

“Yeah, well some of us care when the entire world thinks I am a jersey chasing slut,” I retort, needing another emotion to take over so I can stop crying.

“But you’re not and we all know that, so it shouldn’t matter what strangers on the internet think of you,” he meets my anger with his own.

“Don’t you though? I’m yourBunny,aren’t I?” I know it’s not fair to be doing this. Rationally, I know I have never once complained about the nickname, and I’ve enjoyed everything with him but at this moment that doesn’t even matter. I’m too upset and need to lash out in any way I can.

“Yeah,mine. Ours.No one else’s. You know that. We know that. And that’s all that matters,” he tries to reason.

“It’s not all that matters though, I just,” I sigh, calming my breathing, “I just need some time. Please.”

“So, you’re not breaking up with us?” Vince asks, hopefully.

I don’t know how to answer him. They all know I don’t want this to end, but I don’t know how it could continue. So, instead of giving an actual answer I say, “Just give me some time.”

Brent hugs me again, burying my face in his chest. “Take all the time you need.”

He leaves without another word, and I will never be able to understand how he is able to remain calm and collected at all times. Especially as I stand here with my heart shredding, unable to hide that from them.

McQuaid is still angry, I can see it as he pulls me into his arms tightly, his brown eyes looking straight into me like that will somehow get me to change my mind. “Fuck what everyone thinks. This is real and you know it.”

He kisses me roughly and it’s impossible for me to do anything about it. I accept the last kiss I’ll get from him. He will be fine, they all will. Once Matt lets me go and leaves, my eyes land on Vince again. He looks like he’s on the verge of crying himself and it only makes my heart break more.

“Please don’t do this, Chandler.” He shakes his head, bringing my body against his once again. I fall into him, fisting his shirt like an anchor.

“It’s the best thing for all of us right now,” the lie burns my tongue.

“No, it’s not. You’re scared and that’s okay because I know we are scared too. At least I am. I have never felt this way for anyone before and if you’re going to do this then you need to know the full truth that I lo—” I cut him off with my mouth on his. I can’t hear the words he’s about to tell me. It’ll destroy me.

He expresses what I wouldn’t let him say in this kiss. His tongue runs along the seam of my lips, and I let him in, allowing him to deepen the kiss so he can take everything. He’s going to take the rest of me once he walks out my door so he might as well take this from me now.

We hold onto each other like a lifeline, neither of us wanting to end the embrace. I break us apart before I fully change my mind. He drops his forehead to mine as we breathe each other in for a few more moments.

“Even though you’re saying goodbye right now I want you to know I’m not giving you up. I’ll give you the time you’re wanting, but I’m not saying goodbye to you.” He pulls away, holding onto my hand until the last second.

“Goodbye Vince,” my voice shakes.

True to his word he doesn’t say goodbye as he leaves. As soon as the front door is shut behind him, I drop to the floor, no longer holding back my sobs. They are loud as the tears pour out. I hold onto my chest while it feels like it’s cracking in half as I cry.

I faintly recognize Audrey wrapping her arms around me, but I can barely feel anything. Only the pain that I just shattered my own heart and the pieces that are left just walked out the door with them.

40

Ihad an idea on who is behind the secret getting out, but I don’t have confirmation. Yet. It ripped me to shreds to see Chandler so upset, but I knew I couldn’t let it show. I need to fix this so we can get her back. She’s strong and independent. I knew no matter what I said, it wouldn’t change her mind. The only option was to do what she asked and give her time. To let her go. For now.

Once I get home, I don’t care that it’s the middle of the night in Ohio, I know it’s not going to make a difference to my brother and I’m not waiting until tomorrow to confront him about this.

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