Page 124 of Kiss Me Tonight

A sob breaks from my soul, and I cover my mouth with my hand to keep it down. Suppress it. Force it so deep within my heart that Topher sees me as only calm and collected, willing to accept whatever decision he’s made.

Please don’t leave me.

I shush the inner begging and raise my gaze to meet my son’s. Swallowing down all my inner flailing, I manage a warbled, “I’m sure he misses you, baby. We both love you so much.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Hedoes.”

Topher tugs at his hair, pulling sharply. And then he explodes, kicking at the coffee table with the sole of his shoe. “Why do you defend him?”

I’m wholly unprepared for the question.

My chin snaps back in shock. “Topher, I’m notdefendinghim.”

Another kick, though this one misses the table’s leg. “Youare. You always do! Anytime I ask you about him, you say the same thing. Your dad loves you, baby,” Topher mimics in a high-pitched voice, “he’s just busy.” He laughs, the sound hard and piercing. “Yeah, he’s busy, Mom. He’s busy cheating on you and you—and you justaccepted it. For years.”

I feel the blood drain from my face.

Tingles come to life in my legs, in my arms. Like a prisoner of my own making, I sit with my tongue tied—because nothing I say will sound good. I either expose Rick for the asshole he is, or I try to salvage any relationship he’ll ever have with his son . . . despite the fact that he doesn’t seem to care.

A virtual Grandfather’s clock pops up in my head, taunting me with its passing hands and ticking time.

I don’t know what to do.

Rubbing my lips together, buying myself time, I squeeze my thighs with my hands. “Topher, it’s not so easy to explain. All you need to know is that I love you and Daddy loves you and—”

“No lying.”

I wouldn’t be surprised if blood stops circulating to my feet, my grip on my knees is so tight.

“You told me,” Topher says, dropping his butt to the coffee table and sitting down right in front of me, “that we have one rule in our home.No lying.”

He has me backed into a corner and he knows it.

Breathing slowly through my nose, I scrub at my tears with the heel of my palm. As much as I want to keep this secret from Topher, I won’t let Rick ruin the relationship I have with my son. Topher is my world, and I . . . God, I would have died so many times over during my marriage if I hadn’t had him to brighten my day. Some people look to God or angels or other all-powerful beings for guidance—all I ever needed was Topher to show me the path to take. Like I told Dominic, my son is my secret weapon. And my secret weapon kept me alive even in the darkest times of my life.

“Your dad . . .” God, I don’t want to say this. My throat feels too tight, my chest even tighter. “I don’t know how many times I filed for divorce, Toph. I could lie and give you an exact number, but the truth is, I lost count.”

He visibly swallows. “Then why would you stay?”

Briefly, I lower my lids.

I’m grateful for moving to London with Topher.

I’m grateful he’s made such great friends.

I’m grateful that he met Dominic, who can show him what it’s like to be a good, honest manwith a kind heart.

“Mom?”

I open my eyes and give him the truth: “Because I wouldn’t have had you.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

Flexing my hands, I stare at my unpainted nails and try not to hearhisvoice:Can’t you fucking dress like a woman for once? It’s like I’m sleeping with a goddamn man.

Rick enjoyed chasing a legend in the making.

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