Page 86 of Hat Trick

Don’t be the Old Gwen. Be brave, beyou.

I open my mouth, fully prepared to apologize, to offer everything that I am to get him back. This is my opportunity to be the Gwen I want to be, the one who stands tall and strong and knows her own self-worth.

Marshall’s throat works with a hard swallow. “Sometimes fate works in mysterious fucking ways that I’ll never understand. But in the same breath that I should have told you everything a long time ago, I wish it wouldn’t have taken me walking away to realize how much you wantedme.”

35

Gwen

There’snothing for me to say but thetruth.

“I know.” Letting out a built-up sigh, I allow myself to sink down onto the couch. “I’m not proud of the way that I acted all these years, pretending that I didn’t want you, shooting you down. I can give you all these fake reasons why, starting with your age and the fact that you’re an athlete, but the honest-to-God’s truth is that I allowed fear to ruleme.”

“Of what?” His voice is a seductive rasp as he takes the spot beside me on thecouch.

“You called me out on it two weeks ago,” I tell him evenly. “I’m scared of becoming my mother and of ruining everything that I touch. I’m terrified of placing my complete trust in a man, only for him to snatch it away and try out someonenew.”

My smile feels brittle as I continue, “I didn’t want to become just like Adaline, but in not wanting to be her, I became someone else.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I hurt people, I hurtyou. And still I maintained that shell around me, in the hope that no one could ever touch myheart.”

I straighten my shoulders and lift my gaze to Marshall’s face. “But you already had, whittling down my walls over the years. You cared for me and showed me what it was like to hold someone and know that they wanted only the best for me.” I pause and look down at where I’m tracing little circles on my leg. “You showed me all of that and then I tossed you aside. I walked away when you called me out. You told me to get messy in love, and I fled like acoward.”

“Sometimes, we have to walk away in order to see thingsclearly.”

I think of Adaline and then the family playing in the snow, and then I think of my father and the last words he spoke to my mom right before their divorce.Don’t ever bail.In a tight voice, I murmur, “And sometimes when we stop being so self-centered, we realize that if we didn’t bail when things got tough, we’d be the happiest folks in the world.” I meet Marshall’s gaze head-on. “I bailed on you, and I have spent every moment in the last two weeks figuring out how I could make you realize how serious I am about our relationship.” I point at the three cutout couples along the wall. “And, yes, I went to the extreme, but I’ve got no playbook and I figured the more extravagant thebetter.”

Small as it is, I see a hint of a smile on Marshall’s face. “It’s the wealthy Bostonian inyou.”

I shrug, even though I’m tempted to laugh because he’s probably right. “We started off as not-quite friends, Marshall. I let my head get in theway—”

“It’s a beautifulhead.”

He surprises me by brushing my hair behind my ears, and I stop short of nuzzling his hands. “Thank you.”Remember to breathe. Easier said than done. “Crazy as those cutouts are, and I’m seriously hoping you picked up the reference to your alleged bondage days, I want them to symbolize our path. I want the happily-ever-after. I want the children and the yap-yap dog and the debate on whether we should eat out or stay in bed all day.” I swallow, hard, and then force myself to keep talking. “I want to live without fear, knowing that my best friend, the man I love more than life itself, is right by my side.” My chest expands becausethis is the moment, and I refuse to mess it up. “You are that man for me, Marshall, only you. You’ve ruined me for anyoneelse.”

His palms land on my thighs, and his voice is pure grit when he speaks next. “There’s no one else for me, Gwen. No one. These last two weeks, I’ve only been able to think of you. I wondered how I could give you the space you needed when all I wanted was you by myside.”

I choke back a sob, my hands going to his arms to pull him closer. “How can you forgive me so easily when I’ve screwed up so manytimes?”

“Because that’s the definition of unconditional love, honey. How do I prove to you that I’m not complete withoutyou?”

Heart beating erratically, I tilt my face up to his. “You have me. You have my heart and everything there is for meto—”

This time it’s not his words but his lips that complete mysentence.

Oh.

My.

God.

He kisses me like it’s our first time all over again. Another fantasy kiss—each one strips a part of my soul and sews me back together into a version of myself that I love all the more because I have Marshall withme.

His lips work mine, demanding and needy in a way that I reciprocate fully. This kiss is urgent and hard and downrightnaughty.

Cradling the back of my head, he touches his tongue to my bottom lip, seeking entrance. I give it. I give himeverything.

My fingers raking through his hair, my mouth moving under his, my breath held captive as he strips off my scarf (why do I even still have it on?), my coat, my boots. He never pulls away, as though worried I’ll disappear, and then he slips his hands up my sides to cup my breasts through mysweater.

“Marshall.”

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