Page 29 of Boss With Benefits

‘Well, I do.’

‘I think it would help if you tried to let the guilt go.’

‘I think we should agree to disagree and talk about something else.’

Adam got up to prod the fire, and the conversation did indeed turn to something else, because even she could see that she was banging her head against a brick wall. But it stayed with her nevertheless. Even though she thought him deluded, he was clearly tormented by what he believed to be the truth, and her heart continued to break for him. Whenever she remembered all he was doing to assuage his conscience, she couldn’t help but worry. If only he’d take on board her points. But this was evidently a red line for him, and there was nothing more she could do.

It hadn’t escaped her notice that since the night he’d decided to open up to her, she too had been experiencing a new dimension to their affair. Whenever she had a moment to herself, she kept replaying the intimacy of what had happened in the hammock after he’d finished talking. The minute she’dturned on her side and he’d wrapped himself around her, she hadn’t just felt wanted. She’d also felt safe and protected, which was unexpected, because she was used to providing her own safety and protection. Even more bizarrely, she hadn’t wanted to shake him and the feelings off. She’d wanted to pull him and them closer. Then, as they’d rocked together, slowly, steadily, her heart had swelled until it seemed too big for her chest.

But this didn’t unduly trouble her. Nor did her growing fascination with him or the connection that was developing. However great this affair was turning out to be, she wasn’t remotely concerned that she wouldn’t be able to walk away from at the end of it. Her promotion still flashed as bright and shiny as ever. Her career was still her number one priority. This was still just a celebration of her promotion and a bit of fun until real life called. And that was the way it would stay.

To Adam’s gratification, opening up to Ella had been a truly excellent idea. She was no longer holding anything back. The tension had gone. The sex was even better than before. Their goals were once more realigned, the equilibrium restored, and it was all deeply satisfying.

They shared the values of hard work, determination and integrity. Right from the start, she’d kept him on his toes. And she seemed to get him—their difference of opinion about his role in his mother’s death notwithstanding, because he would never agree that he wasn’t at fault for that. His mother might have been suffering from depression. She might have called someone else that night who hadn’t picked up either. She might have tried it before and maybe she would have tried again, even if he had saved her. He’d never know. All he had to go on werethe facts, so he could never just ‘let the guilt go’ as Ella had suggested.

They even had the same approach to relationships, as he discovered over a platter of lobster at lunch one day.

Having once done a course on dining etiquette which had covered crustacea in week three, Ella picked up a claw and carefully bent back the thumb to pull out the cartilage before cracking the shell and neatly extracting the flesh. He, on the other hand, simply twisted the body from the head and then bashed it with a hammer.

‘That’s what I’d quite like to do to my ex,’ she mused as the shell shattered and he pulled it apart.

‘So would I.’

‘But then I only have myself to blame.’

‘How?’

‘It was my fault for reading more into the relationship than there was there. I completely forgot my rule to keep things casual.’

‘Are you not a fan of commitment?’ he asked, now applying the hammer to the claw in a move that would no doubt appal her course instructor.

‘I’ve fought too hard for my independence to let myself rely on someone else, and I’ve worked way too hard to sacrifice everything I’ve achieved for the demands of a husband and kids. I have a plan to reach the top, and I won’t let anything get in the way of that ever again. Not even myself.’

‘That makes sense.’

‘What’s your excuse?’

Adam swapped the hammer for a fork and thought he couldn’t even begin to answer a question like that. How could he tell her that he was a control freak with a fear of his world disintegrating if he relaxed his iron grip on it? How could he explain that rampant desire and volatile emotions threatenedthat control, so it was easier and safer to steer well clear? He’d have to explain why he’d made an exception for her, and he definitely couldn’t answer that, because he didn’t know why.

‘I just don’t have the time,’ he said instead with a nonchalant shrug. ‘I have too many responsibilities as it is. There aren’t enough hours in the day to maintain a relationship as well.’

That seemed to satisfy her, judging by the thoughtful tilt of her head and then the nod. ‘Well, it’s good to know that our expectations are the same.’

‘It certainly is.’

The more time he spent in her company, the more he came to realise that he didn’t just enjoy the sizzling chemistry that showed no sign of burning out—he liked her. A lot. He admired her willingness to give everything a go and then put one hundred percent effort into it. He could listen to her talk about herself for hours. He’d never thought of auditing as a particularly exciting field, but she did. Her face lit up when she expanded on the subject, and so suddenly and unexpectedly, he found it fascinating too. When she told him more about the trailer park, he wondered what his company did to help the disadvantaged in life and whether it could do more.

Their affair was soon coming to an end, and that had always been the plan. But now he couldn’t quite recall why. It felt wrong. He wasn’t nearly done with her. She wasn’t out of his system at all. His desire for her had not waned, and although their conversations had sometimes lasted long into the night, he was certain there was still much left to learn.

So, why couldn’t they continue this back in New York? Not forever, of course, but perhaps until it petered out of its own accord. Night after night, he lost control with her and the world hadn’t imploded. Indulging the still raging desire he had for her had led to no recklessness here, and he saw no reason why it should anywhere else. He didn’t know what he’d been so afraidof. They had a good thing going, and it felt wrong to bring it to an unnatural close.

As he stood in the kitchen and fried up some plantain for breakfast, Adam wondered what Ella would think of that plan. If he’d read the situation correctly, he suspected her expectations might have moved in that direction too. Every now and then, he’d caught her looking at him in a way that suggested that she wasn’t done with him either. He would ask her and find out. Once he’d answered this call.

In the back pocket of his shorts, his phone rang and vibrated. He turned off the gas and pulled it out. It was Maggie, his secretary, on the other end of the line, who he hadn’t heard from since he’d left the city, other than receiving an email about some upcoming travel plans that he’d yet to open. Strange how all that seemed very far away.

‘Good morning,’ he said, and thinking that if Ella agreed to extend this affair of theirs, it could turn out to be a very good morning indeed.

‘I apologise for disturbing you while you’re on vacation,’ said Maggie, sounding not quite as thrilled with the day as he was. ‘And I hope you’re having a lovely time. But I thought you’d like to know that I’ve been sent a photo by one of my contacts atBlushmagazine. Of you and a woman who is not Annabel St James disembarking the plane in Aruba. It’s due to go live on the website in an hour.’

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