Page 22 of Boss With Benefits

‘You mean apart from the realisation that I’d recklessly jettisoned the rules I’d lived by for a decade and put my whole career on the line? The humiliation and the shame and the sickening knowledge that I’d badly let myself down? The battering of my self-esteem and my confidence and losing the trust and respect of my colleagues? Nope. I think that’s about it.’

Some undefinable emotion flitted across his face. ‘Why didn’t you leave?’

‘Imagine the reference.’

‘Did you think about taking the company to court?’

‘Only briefly. I couldn’t prove anything. And I doubt it would have done my reputation any good, even if I could. Instead, I kept my head down and bided my time until I was given the chance to prove myself. Your audit was it, which was why I was so determined to see it through. Why I repeatedly compromised my principles to make that happen, which didn’t feel right when I’ve always done everything by the book. But I wanted redemption more. I wanted what I deserved.’

‘And you got it.’

‘I did. Despite my own attempts to sabotage things. I mean, I’d sworn not to mix business with pleasure ever again, and I was determined not to let the attraction I felt for you get the better of me, but I still threw myself at you the evening I confronted you at your apartment. Lately, I really seem to have been my own worst enemy.’

‘I provoked you into it.’

‘Perhaps,’ she agreed, recalling the havoc he’d unleashed in her with his admission that he was as at the mercy of the chemistry that sizzled between them as she was. ‘But I’m okay with owning my mistakes. I’ve always thought it important to learn from them so as not make the same ones again. Obviously, that’s something I still need to work on.’

Adam appeared to have no further response to that. He seemed to be waging some sort of war with himself. His fists were clenched, and he looked as though he were ready to rip things apart with his bare hands.

But however soft and warm it made her feel, she really didn’t need his outrage. Nor did she want it. In fact, the conversation had turned somewhat darker and heavier than she’d intended, and she was filled with the sudden urge to lighten it.

‘Anyway,’ she said with a deliberately bright smile, now focused on putting an end to the conversation before it got any more complicated. ‘All’s well that ends well, and you’re now sleeping with a director. So what do you think of that?’

Adam thought so many things about what Ella had just told him he didn’t know where to start. When he’d walked into the bedroom and seen her jumping around on the bed and beaming from ear to ear, for a split second he’d thought it was because she was pleased to see him. But that had not been the case. Which was a relief, naturally, because the last thing he wanted was to be responsible for her happiness. The quick tightening of his chest had been caused by indigestion, he was sure.

Her delight at her success had been infectious, and he’d experienced a moment of what might or might not have been pride because he knew how bloody hard she’d worked for it. He’d witnessed it. However, when she’d explained thecircumstances surrounding it, those positives had swiftly morphed into a more volatile combination of emotions. Astonishment. Disbelief. And then fury, directed first at the jerk who’d messed her around and then at the company that had treated her so unfairly.

For the first time in his life, he wanted to punch something. Ella’s dynamic and persuasive ex specifically, the mere thought of whom made him feel as though he’d swallowed a bucket of battery acid. This Drew Taylor should never have abused his seniority by starting something with her, even if she had been a willing participant. And then to wash his hands of her? What sort of a cowardly bastard did that?

At the very least, the guy deserved to be fired. A couple of phone calls was all it would take, and his career would be history. And once that was done, Adam would then set about taking apart the company she worked for piece by piece. The world did not need businesses with values like that. What she’d been through brought back unpleasant memories of the accusations of sexual harassment made against his father. Of the one member of staff who’d dared to sue and been so thoroughly destroyed by the process she’d never worked again. She’d been living in a hostel, broke and broken, when Adam finally tracked her down in order to reverse the miscarriage of justice at least a little. So unfortunately Ella had probably been right to question the wisdom of such a course of action.

No wonder she’d gone to such lengths to keep the audit on track and trouble-free. She was righting a wrong. Just as he was. But he had to cool it before he burst a blood vessel. He wasn’t her avenger and she’d made it clear that she didn’t need one. He had enough on his plate with the Helberg takeover. He didn’t need to fight for justice on any other playing field. That wasn’t what this was about anyway. And if she wanted to carryon working for a company that treated her so badly, that was her business.

So, deploying steely determination, Adam pushed the emotions back into the cage where they belonged and fought the clamouring urge to tell her about the challengeshe’dfaced at work, particularly when he’d taken over as CEO. About how he didn’t do relationships either. About Montague’s and the reason why he’d let the conflicts of interest they’d had slide.

If she wanted to share details of her past with him, that was up to her. He was under no obligation to reciprocate. And he mustn’t. Because losing control physically was one thing. Losing control of his defence mechanisms that kept everyone at arm’s length was quite another.

‘I’ll get the champagne.’

Although it pained her to admit it, a week into their affair, the frustration that Ella had experienced during the first half of the audit returned, and for a very similar reason, namely avoidance. Not when it came to sex. That was more torrid than ever. The afternoon she’d received her promotion, which they’d celebrated not just with champagne but also sex so wild and free she’d given him an orgasm that for one tiny nanosecond had actually made him lose consciousness. Ever since then, he’d been trying to do the same to her, and although he hadn’t yet succeeded, his diligence had been thrilling. So no. She had no cause for complaint there. The area that was giving her grief was conversation. Or rather, the lack of it.

By definition, that was a two-way street, but currently most of the traffic was on her side of the road. While she wasn’t expecting—and did not particularly want—an in-depth discussion about hope and dreams, she was interestedinslightlymore than just the basic facts about the man she was sleeping with. It was unnerving to know every inch of his body but so little of his mind, other than he had a thing about justice. It didn’t feel quite right. But every time she asked him a question that ventured into the vaguely personal, he batted it away or turned the conversation back to her. When that didn’t work and she persisted, he distracted her with sex.

‘Our trailer park was located in California only a few miles from a swanky golf course and polo field,’ she told him one morning in bed in response to his enquiry into how hard she’d had to fight for what she’d achieved. ‘It was illegal. And feral. The dogs. The kids. The adults. People who weren’t drinking themselves into oblivion were shooting up. We had no air-conditioning and undrinkable water. The plumbing would go down for weeks at a time, and toxic smoke from the nearby dump regularly drifted in through the broken windows.’

‘How did you escape?’ he asked, propping himself up on his elbow and lazily trailing his fingers over the contours of her body as if mapping her.

‘It was tough. My parents dealt drugs to make ends meet. Hard ones, although they were never prosecuted because the cops tended to steer clear of the whole place. I could have easily gone down the same route. Most kids did. But even at an early age, I got the feeling that there had to be something better out there. I don’t know why. Maybe I saw something on TV. Anyway, I got myself to high school, where I discovered I had an affinity for numbers and decided that accounting would become my route out. The one good teacher I had told me about charities that would help, and they did. I worked hard to catch up and got the grades. I went for days on end on only three hours’ sleep a night, but it was definitely worth the pain. I graduated first in my class at college. Not that that was the end of it, of course. I had to lose the accent. I also had to learn howto read a room and network and educate myself on which fork to use, which actually was quite interesting. Did you know there was a separate plate for salad?’

‘Yes.’

‘And that it’s generally acceptable to eat asparagus with your fingers?’

‘I’ve never eaten it any other way.’

‘No, well, you and I couldn’t be more different, could we?’

He stilled for a moment, shifted minutely as if to make himself more comfortable and then resumed his idle exploration of her. ‘Do you still see your parents?’

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