Page 51 of Ace

Chapter 22

Cora

My stomach turns when I roll over in bed, and with the slosh of alcohol in my stomach comes another wave of regret.

Sadie is gone, dead only a couple of days after I sent her away for the last time.

I feel responsible, even though, realistically, I know this could've been the outcome any one of the times she left with her greedy hands full.

I feel like a failure, as if I failed both of my parents and my brothers, even though nothing they did made her change her ways either. Maybe I feel more responsible because, as a sister, I should've been able to relate to her on a level they couldn't reach.

It's clear I'm in a hotel room, although the memory of getting here seems more like an out-of-reach dream, much like the way Sadie felt when I saw her in my sleep. She was always just beyond my grasp, taunting me for not being able to clasp her hand. If that isn't a depiction of how she led her actual life then I don't know what is.

Sadie always wanted people to show they cared until they called her actions into question. We were expected to love her unconditionally, no matter how many times she snapped and snarled at us. If only I had held off one more time, maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm being buried under so much grief that I can hardly breathe.

I situp on the side of the bed, my head swimming for longer than it should, before my eyes regain focus.

I feel isolated and lonely, much like I imagined some of those students back at the college felt earlier in the day, but there's no sun for me to bask in. There's no place for me to seek refuge.

But there is, isn't there?

Eddie has to be nearby. He was on the plane with me, and if my shattered memories aren't mistaken, he brought me to this hotel room.

I stand from the bed, nearly tripping over the bag of belongings I packed in a rush so we could catch our flight out of Reagan.

I carry the bag to the bathroom, making sure to brush my teeth extra well before washing my face and changing into clothes better suited for sleep.

I know it's a very bad idea to bypass the bed and go seek out wherever Eddie may be, but that doesn't stop my feet from carrying me in his direction.

His room is as dark as the one I woke up in, the only light coming from above the stove in the tiny kitchenette.

The limited light is helpful enough that I can find the bed easily, stepping up to the side opposite of the lump his body forms.

Wordlessly, the blankets lift, an invite to join him, and my heart kicks up a notch as I climb into the bed. He stays silent as I shift my weight until I'm so close to him that I can feel the warmth of his body radiating outward toward mine. I find comfort in the heat, as if I've been searching for warmth my entire life and haven't had access to any until now.

I move my head closer, sharing his pillow, but I don't open my eyes. I can't take another rejection. Maybe he can sense that because when I curl my head forward, pressing against his chest, he doesn't tell me to keep my distance. He doesn't remind me that this can't happen.

He simply presses his lips to the crown of my head and drops his arm around my waist.

"I failed her," I whisper, tears running down my cheeks.

"There's nothing I can say right now that will make this better," he returns, and I hear in the way he says it that there's a chance he'd take it from me if he could. "I wish I could tell you that it'll get better, but I know it's going to get much worse before the healing can even begin. Sometimes, these things leave wounds that even time can't touch."

"I bet you've seen a lot of death in your time with ICE," I say, hoping for a distraction.

When he stays silent, I don't know if I should take it as agreement or rejection. I know there are things about his job he'd never tell me, and I can't be offended by that. I'm a job. Sadie's case wasn't handled by people who loved her, people who wanted her safe return, but I also know they didn't want this outcome. I just have to accept that this is another case for them. Of course, the best outcome would have been to find her alive. That's something to add to a portfolio for future clients. I hate the bitterness for the entire world that has somehow sunk its claws into my thoughts.

"My best friend, Noah, left Cerberus when I did," he begins. "I'd go so far as to say he left Cerberus because of me, although we both had our reasons. There are so many memories I have of the man. We went through the Marine Corps training together, on the buddy system, and even lucked out and were together for the entire time we were enlisted. I can still hear his voice, the way he bitched about sand in his ass two days after our boots hit the Middle East."

I shift my weight, not wanting to distract him, but needing to feel closer.

He shifts also, uncurling some so more of our bodies are lined up.

"Life was fun andgames unless we were working. We worked hard and partied harder. When all the men at Cerberus started falling off like flies—"

"They died?" I gasp.

"No, not that kind of falling. One after the other, they fell in love. A woman would pop up and it was like they couldn't see anything else. Noah, Jax, Rob, and I vowed that we were never going to let a woman tie us down like that."

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