Page 132 of For Better or Hearse

“I’m on bed rest. And Solomon is activating the absolutely most insane protector mode.” Tessie sounds unhappy.

Ash snorts. She wouldn’t be surprised if he was pacing outside the bedroom right now.

“He’s just worried. We all are.” She doesn’t think her heart rate has come down since last night.

“I’ll be fine.” Tessie rubs her stomach, brow wrinkled, as she settles back into the pillows. “We’ll both be fine.”

Ash tosses a handful of granola bars and energy chews into her backpacking bag, then makes a sudden decision. “That’s it. I’m coming to Alaska.”

Tessie gasps and pushes herself up higher in the bed with one arm. “You will not.” Before she can argue, Tessie continues, “I will have Solomon escort you from the airport.”

“Good luck,” Ash shoots back. She snatches up her suitcase. “You forget I took jujitsu in third grade. My arm bars are nothing to scoff at.”

“Put the bag down.” As Ash paces, Tessie tracks her movement with watery brown eyes. “Stop and listen to me. If you don’t, I will go into labor so I can travel and kick your ass.”

An icy pang of guilt threads through her. She feels like shit for not being there. For putting off that phone call, those texts. All because she was distracted by a man. She closes her eyes. It could have been worse. So much worse.

Slowly, she sets the bag down. She doesn’t trust that fate won’t let Tessie follow through on her plan. “I need to be there. I need to be there for you and little Delilah—”

A giant scoff. “Absolutely not.”

“You can never die.” She swipes at her eyes, the stupid moisture that’s decided to make an appearance. “I only have one of you, and if I’m there, the universe might throw me a bone and right whatever fucked-up nonsense they’re planning.”

“I know you want to be here for me, but you can’t be.” Tessie smiles sadly. “There will always be a just-in-case. There will always be tragedies. And there will always be you and me. You are my six-inch stiletto. I will always need you. But you can’t put your life on hold to take care of me. It’s your life, Ash. You have to live it.”

“I don’t know how,” she admits.

The tarot reading, the trip, her past, Nathaniel. It’s chasing her down, popping up when she least expects it. Like evidence at a crime scene. She’s been trying to hide it before it convicts her.

“Your heart is so soft, Ash, and you hide it away from those who want it.” Tessie’s voice wobbles. “I’m not the only one who deserves your heart.”

“But…” She licks her lips. Trails off.

“You need to stay,” her cousin urges gently. “For Augustus. For Nathaniel. To see where it goes.”

“There is no seeing where it goes. It just…goes. When we leave, whatever is between us will be over.”

Tessie arches a brow. “So thereisa whatever.”

Ash groans. “No. It’s just sex.”

She guffaws. “Last time I had just-sex, I married the guy.” Tessie’s face turns serious as she regards Ash. “Stay, okay?”

Ash thinks back to last night. Her hands twisted in Nathaniel’s shirt, her heart hammering against her rib cage as the word dripped off her lips, thick as honey.Stay.

“Okay,” she says, even as she knows her heart has already made its decision. Now it’s her brain that has to fall in line. “I will.”

Ash, shouldering her pack, makes her way out onto the deck of the ocean catamaran. Being stuck on a boat with eighty random people is a nightmare, but here she is. A private excursion and a private guide for the Whitfords and four other families from the hotel. A private beach where they can explore and day drink.

The quarters are tight and chaotic. With so many people on board, it’s hard to pick out her party. But finally, she spies Augustus, Tate and Delaney curled up in a corner of the boat, practicing lines from Delaney’s script. “Grandpops,” Delaney squeals. “You’re a natural.”

“With a gravitas that suits Brando,” he says, chest puffed out with pride.

As she comes to the front of the boat, she stops.

Nathaniel. He stands at the bow, gazing out over the ocean.

The sight of him knocks the wind out of her.

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