Page 31 of The Vampire's Mate

She sat forward, an eager look in her eyes. “Isthatwhy you love the classics? Did youknowCharles Dickens? We’re studyingA Tale of Two Citiesin class, and…”

And just like that, she and James fell into an easy conversation over their shared love of classic literature. I nursed my drink while I listened. Her reaction felt almost too good to be true, but I wasn’t about to question it. It was enough to take my mind off everything, and that was exactly what I needed. That fist around my lungs loosened its grip, and by the time the coffee was gone, I felt relaxed enough to leave.

We respectfully declined an invitation for lunch—Kian was on his way home and I wasn’t ready to face him yet—and Hannah gave us both rib-crushing hugs as we left.

“Don’t be a stranger,” she whispered in my ear. “You’re always welcome here.”

I pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. “Just give me a heads up if I have to face your mother,” I quipped, earning a slap to my chest.

Utterly exhausted, I was grateful that James was driving. Though he remained silent for the most part, it was charged, like there was something he wanted to say—but I had no desire to push. I could barely summon the energy to walk through my front door, and it seemed as if the moment I stepped through it, every ounce of stress from throughout the day crashed into me. My head hurt, and my body ached.

I let Carlos outside, then leaned against the door frame to wait for him; I didn’t trust my legs to hold me anymore. I stiffened when James wrapped his arms around me from behind, then forced myself to relax. What the hell was wrong with me? Two days ago I could hardly keep my hands off him. I didn’t so much melt into his touch as flop, and the kiss he pressed to the back of my skin only irritated me where it would normally have me arching my neck for more. “I’ll make you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I attempted to soften my next words by leaning into his touch and letting him kiss me again. I sighed, frustrated. I was on edge, and I didn’t know why, much less how to fixit. “Why don’t you go home? I won’t be good company tonight.”

“You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Don’ttell me what I need, James!” I snapped, the words coming out too hostile. I immediately regretted my tone, but I lowered my voice and doubled down. I could already feel my walls building up again. “I just want some space, please. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I didn’t turn around. Not when he hesitated, not when his arms slipped from around me, not even when he kissed my cheek again. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes as I pushed him away.

“Okay.”

I let out a deep sigh when the front door closed, rubbing away the ache in my chest. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so close to punching something. Probably when Erin served me those termination papers.

It took too long to get Carlos inside, wearing my patience down further. By the time I fed him and set up the pointless baby gate—he could easily clear the damn thing—it was all I could do to undress and collapse into bed.

Chapter 11

I tossedand turned all night. I’d doze off, jolting awake less than an hour later in a cold sweat with my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest.

Somewhere around three in the morning, I started to think that James was right: maybe I shouldn’t be alone. But I was too proud to call him, so I suffered. I suffered hard.

The blanket was too hot. Kicking it off made me too cold. I flipped my pillow around—nothing helped. My thoughts cycled in a noose-like spiral, and damn it if I didn’t want James next to me every time a panic attack struck. Just when I thought I had a handle on my emotions, my chest would tighten again. I hadn’t slept properly since Kian stayed over. It was almost as if someone—or maybe the universe—had it out for me.

When my alarm went off early the next afternoon, I fought the urge to hurl my phone across the room. I moved through my routine on autopilot, barely stopping to think when I showed up at the bar for my shift. I didn’t even remember driving there. It took me three tries to enter the right code into the keypad, and when I finally pulled the back door open, it was with more force than necessary.

Shiloh jolted from their position at the register when I stormed into the room. “You look like you’ve been to hell and back,” they commented, resuming their counting.

“Careful, Shi Baby—flattery will get you everywhere.” When they didn’t respond to my brilliant quip, I plastered on an enormous grin and slowly leaned into their field of vision obnoxiously.

They squirmed and shoved my face away. “You’ll make me lose my place! I’ve already started over three times.”

It had only been a few days, but more of Shi’s personality was beginning to show through—and I loved it.

I lifted myself onto the countertop next to them, swinging my feet and staying quiet while they counted. “What are you doing here so early?” I asked when they finished.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Shi slammed the drawer shut nearly as hard as I had the back door. Even they winced at the noise.

“That makes two of us,” I mumbled. “Want to talk about it?”

They scoffed. “Why? So I can distract you from your own problems?”

“Yeah, actually, that’d be great.”

They gave me the side-eye, but I caught the ghost of a smile across their lips. “I should. It might make me feel better. But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Uh oh, now there’s two of us who avoid our problems. Poor James.” I felt a sudden, familiar pang in my chest. I groaned, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

---