Page 16 of InfraRed

I swallow what’s in my mouth and wash it down with my ice water. “I didn’t have time for lunch today.” Not a lie. I had class this morning since I took a couple of summer classes. I also taught a group of four-year-old ballerinas, and I had a dance lesson of my own. Not to mention, Ramen isn’t exactly a convenient meal unless you eat it dry, and I haven’t gotten that desperate yet.

He sets his elbow on the table and rests his head against his fist. His eyes, bright blue instead of dark like mine, stare at me for several seconds until I squirm. “Why do I always feel you’re keeping things from me, Case?”

Because I am.

Protecting him from more heartbreak has always been my priority. The need to not be a source of worry and concern gets me out of bed every day, even when opening my eyes is exhausting. It’s also why, despite wanting to die that rainy night, I’ve never tried again. The look of anguish on my dad’s face when I opened my eyes was too much. I never want to hurt him like that again. “You said I’m entitled to my privacy and secrets.”

He rubs his large hand over his face, then blows out a heavy breath as he leans back against the bench, running his hand through his hair. “You are. I told you we are all entitled to our privacy and secrets as long as it doesn’t affect someone else.” I stick my straw between my lips so he doesn’t notice the guilt, I’m sure, flashes on my face. “You’re twenty years old, so I can’t pull theDadcard like I did before.” His arms stretch across the bench as his eyes search me. “I’m not sure it worked then, either.” He lifts a brow, daring me to contradict him. My lipspress together, and my eyes drop to my plate as I grab a crispy French fry and drag it through the ketchup. He makes a knowing sound and huffs. “You’ve always been quiet. It just feels like there’s a lot you don’t tell me, but you need to promise me something.”

I look at him from beneath my lashes, my cheeks heated with guilt and regret. “Anything, Dad,” I croak.

“If it gets bad like that again, you will say something.”

Fire erupts behind my eyes. I squeeze them shut, trying to stop the onslaught of tears, but one escapes anyway. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” I duck my head, too ashamed to look at him.

Warm comfort grips my chin, tilting my head until I meet his eyes. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Casey bear. If I had been around more…”

I shake my head, and more tears spill from my lashes. “You were there as much as you could be. You were there for everything important, and when I needed you most. No one could ask for a better dad.” His eyes glisten, and his head falls back. He scrubs his face roughly, then looks at me again and nods. “Dad, if this is about Graham…”

“I’m the one who asked him to watch out for you, Casey. I should’ve realized the effect it would have on you.”

“No. That’s not on you. I was just a kid. And you don’t need to worry now.” I reach across the table and grab his hand. “I promise, Dad. Graham isn’t a problem.” I hesitate a moment, then ask what I’ve been wanting to know for nearly two weeks. “You knew he was coming back, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Right, again.”

If I expected an explanation, apology, or even a twinge of regret to cross his features, I don’t get it.

“You should’ve told me, Dad.” A warning would’ve been nice. Especially if it meant not running into him after two years in another epic meltdown.

“Why?” Dad’s brows arch. “If I had my way, you still wouldn’t know.”

“Dad,” I scold, a little exasperated and a little remorseful.

“Casey, I don’t dislike him. I don’t blame him either, but he’s the reason we are sitting here right now. He’s the reason, grown or not, I won’t budge on these dates.”

My head drops, and I sigh. “You have nothing to worry about, Dad.”

That lie will haunt me forever. But it’s better than the alternative.

“Is he why you were late?”

And there it is. He may not know for sure where Graham is currently living, but he suspects. And I shake my head, another lie spilling easily from my lips. “No. I was having fun with Noah.”

“I’m glad you go see him, Case.”

I breathe out a soft sigh, relieved that he accepts my half-truth without question. “He’s too adorable for words.” I smile, thinking about my six-month-old baby brother with his pretty green eyes and dark curls. My mom was a terrible mother to me, and even though I don’t blame her, I won’t let her do that to him if I can help it. However, there is a real possibility she will be out of his life for a while in the very near future. I haven’t asked what will happen if she goes to jail. I can’t because I need to think this through with a clear head. My mom must be punished for what she did to my dad. I just hope Noah doesn’t suffer because of it.What I do know is he’ll always have me on his side.

Dad tilts his head to the side, a cheesy grin spreading across his scruffy face. “You are a good kid, sweetheart. I’m not sure how you turned out so beautiful, but I am proud as hell.”

I duck my head, hiding my blush—and my guilt because good kids don’t lie as easily as they breathe. “Thanks, Dad,” I whisper, my voice cracking a bit.

He says he doesn’t know, but he’s the reason. He doesn’t give himself enough credit and beats himself up for not being able to be there every second of my life. But I never felt less than everything to him. He made me his priority and his world. When most guys would’ve been worried about pimples and prom dates, my dad was raising me. I may have been an accident, but he never made me feel likehethought I was a mistake.

The hard and awkward topics fade away, and we spend the rest of our meal chatting about nothing important. We just spend time together.

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