Page 54 of The Widow and the Orcs

Ofcourse,Killikdidn’t even have the decency to give her some privacy, and instead silently stalked over, plucked up her sodden rag, and handed over a new one.AndLouisacouldn’t seem to look at him, let alone speak, not even to tell him to leave her the hell alone, because — because he’d done this.He’ddone it, on purpose, he andUlfarrhad bedded her, filled her with their orc pricks, flooded her with their combined orc mess, and it meant nothing, nothing,nothing.Fivenights.

AndKillikdidn’t even need to say it, didn’t need to remind her, because this already said it all, didn’t it?Theway he was just standing here in silence, coolly observing her ongoing humiliation, silently reminding her who was in charge.Thisis my show.Youdance for me.

Louisastill couldn’t look atKillikonce they finally began walking again, heading due north, back toward her house.Butdespite the moonlight above, and her attempts at breathing into her steps, the path was still almost impossible to see — and she soon tripped over a root, and almost sprawled face-first into the earth.

Butthen —Killik.Killik, here, catching her with strong hands, holding her steady.Andgods, what the hell was wrong with her, because even the feel of him touching her again, holding her again, was making something clench and churn in her belly, as heat prickled behind her eyes.No.Hedidn’t care.Itmeant nothing, not even if he’d just bedded her.Fivenights.

“Slowersteps, then, woman,”Killiksaid now, as he settled his hand to her elbow, and guided her forward again. “Feelthe earth beneath you.”

Louisagave a weary sigh, but nodded, fought to redouble her efforts, to focus on her feet.Justone step, and then another, and another, he didn’t care, five nights…

“Iken this… went well, this night,”Killikabruptly said, into the silence. “Ach?”

Louisacouldn’t hide her flinch, her sharp glance toward his face.Butit was too dark to see any of it, too dark to tell if he was mocking her, or baiting her, or…

“Oh?” she replied, as steadily as she could. “Howso?”

Therewas an instant’s silence, a faint twitch ofKillik’sclaws on her elbow. “This— pleasedWolf,” he said, clipped. “Yousaw how he was amidst this, ach?Howhe was” — he hesitated — “more…himself.”

Right.AndwhileLouisacouldn’t lay claim to having known howUlfarrhad once been, she also couldn’t deny that he’d felt almost…right, somehow, in the midst of all that.He’dfelt calm, and confident, and commanding, even as he’d willingly letKilliktake the lead.Buteven that had almost felt like a… a conscious choice, onUlfarr’spart, rather than a necessity.He’dwantedKillikin charge, he’d liked it, so he’d supported it.Encouragedit.

“Hedid seem… better,”Louisafinally said, into the silence. “Heseemed to enjoy your… dynamic… a lot.”

Andgods, why was she even givingKillikthis, offering him anything whatsoever — but that might have been a chuckle beside her, low and indulgent. “Ach, he did,”Killikreplied. “EvenIdid not guess how much he should welcome having a fine lady to defend and care for.Howthis should speak to him, and draw him out, thus.”

Oh.Louisashot another narrow look toward him — had he therefore been insulting her onpurpose? — but she still couldn’t make outKillik’sface, couldn’t weigh the meaning behind his heavy sigh. “Ourson sometimes draws this from him, also,” he continued. “Wolfwas oft thus, before, with any of us who needed his help, or his guarding, or his comfort.”

Louisa’ssideways glance was startled this time, because — wasKillikoffering up information aboutUlfarr’spast?Inthe face of all his demands, all his orders?

Buthe’d said it, on purpose, and now he was even letting it hang there, hovering like this between them.Asif — as if he wanted her to ask.Totry.Younever ask the right questions…

“Yousaid, back there, thatUlfarrcared for fatherlessSkai,”Louisaventured, tentative, into the darkness. “Wasthat… his job, somehow?Maybeas part of… his pack?”

Shefully expectedKillikto refuse to answer, or maybe demand where she’d heard about the pack — but he only sighed again, heavier this time. “Ach, it was,” he replied. “Atfirst,Wolf’spack was only meant to be a punishment from his father, a curse — butWolffaced this, and did this.Hehelped our clan’s orclings, and tended them, and guarded them, for many, many summers.”

Oh.Louisa’sbreath caught, because that did sound likeUlfarr, that was exactly what he would do — andKillikhad told her this.Killikhad told her this, aboutUlfarr’spast, despite his own rule against it, and he was even drawing in another slow, deep breath. “ButWolfwas only a youngling himself, at first,”Killikadded. “Mayhapa few summers older than our own son now.AndIken” — he barked a hoarse laugh — “if we dumped a pack of wild orclings uponSune, he should gladly let them all die within a fortnight.”

Therewas something warm and wistful in his voice, or maybe even proud, andLouisatwitched a smile toward him, despite the odd clench in her chest, in her throat. “Andyou were part ofUlfarr’spack?” she asked, carefully. “Fromthe start?”

Sheagain expectedKillikto refuse, but she could just make out the slow shake of his head. “Notat first,” he replied. “Iwas older than the rest of them.ButWolfsaw me, saw howIneeded help, and he… he offered this.”

Itwas another question, hanging there between them, andLouisatook a breath, let it out. “What… what happened, then?Whydid you need help?”

Therewas another long moment’s silence, broken only by the crackling leaves beneathLouisa’sheavy boots. “Myfather was killed in battle beforeIsaw five summers,”Killikreplied, very steadily. “Andmy mother never wished to know me.SoIlived by followingAlfver’spack, hunting and eating scraps, and offering…favoursto his warriors.DoingaughtIcould to stay alive, in the midst of this war.”

Oh.Oh, gods.Hemade it sound almost simple, almost normal, and not like the sickening horrifying experience it must have been, andLouisacouldn’t keep her breath steady, or keep the shock out of her voice. “I’mso sorry,Killik,” she gasped. “Thatmust have been —awful.”

Killikshrugged, butLouisacould hear his exhale, juddering from his throat. “Ach, it was war,” he said, his voice still unnaturally calm. “ButWolfwas a gift ofSkai-kesh toward me.Hecalled me one of his pups, ach, but he always treated me as his equal.His— friend.Andtogether, we tended our little wolf-pack, and trained them up, and taught them to stay safe.Andeven whenWolfwas called more and more to fight, and to leadSkaibands in battle beside his father, he did not forget me, or his pack.Henever, ever stopped guarding us, or caring for us.Notuntil —”

Butthere his voice broke, andLouisacould finally feel his barrier snapping back into place, surging tall and impenetrable between them.Hestill didn’t want to talk about that.About, surely, whatever darknessUlfarrhad hinted at back there, with such grief and shame in his eyes.Wolfis dead.Simonkill him, break him, shame him before all the clan.

SoLouisatook a deep breath, searched for another question, another way. “Sohow long,” she began, “have you andUlfarrbeen… intimate, then?For… quite some time?”

Shegrimaced even as she said it, because maybe it sounded like an assumption, an accusation — but she was deeply relieved to catch that shake ofKillik’shead. “Onlymayhap five summers, now,” he said. “Wolfalways refused to touch me, for he saw it as a stain upon all those years of his care for me, or some such foolery.Buthe is not my blood, he isnotmy father.Andhe neverwasthis, not for me — so onceIwas of age, there was no good cause for him to spurn me!”

Killik’svoice had risen, suggesting this was something important to him, and — oh.Somethinghe’d been hurt by.He’dwantedUlfarr, he’d made that clear toUlfarr, andUlfarrhad refused him.Maybefor years.Andnow — nowKillikhad the upper hand,Killikwas the one with all the bedmates, whileUlfarrlonged for… him.

Anddamn it,Louisacould understand it, could understandhim— and she sighed and nodded, her elbow twitching against the still-sharp grip of his hand. “Sohow did you convince him, then?” she asked, as lightly as she could. “Youmust have done a damned good job of it, because he’s certainly not spurning you now.”

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