Page 67 of The Widow and the Orcs

AndcurseKillik, curse him to hell and back, because… because maybe this was why he’d been so furious withLouisafor coming here.Becauseonce again, he hadn’t wanted her to know.Hehadn’t wanted her to hear…

“And,”Maria’schoked voice continued, was there more, there was more, “throughout all that,Ulfarrdid everything he could to undermineSimon, and his judgement as the clan’sEnforcer.Evenwhen that judgement was desperately needed.Evenwhen” — she took another shaky breath — “the orcs in question had been involved in horrible things.Againstother orcs, and women, andchildren.”

Oh.Oh, gods.Andthat couldn’t be true, it couldn’t, it was impossible,Ulfarradored children,Ulfarrhad built and tended that pack of his, he would do anything to protect them… right?ButLouisa’sfrantic glance atKillikfound only more blankness, more resignation, more grief.Asif… as ifUlfarrtruly had done that.

AsifUlfarrwas truly… a monster.

Bilesurged inLouisa’sthroat, sharp and bitter, and she fought to drag down air, to grasp at her churning, shouting thoughts.Butthere was nothing, nothing, only shock and darkness and grief.Ulfarrwas a monster.Killikhad lied to her.Killikhad manipulated her into bed withUlfarr, he’d fought to keep her away from here, to prevent her from learning the truth.Andthen he’d raged at her, again and again, when he’d been the one hiding all this?Orchestratingthis?

AndcurseKillik, he still hadn’t even looked at her.Hejust kept standing there with his eyes closed, with such empty grief on his face.AndasLouisastared at him, waiting, needing him to look at her, to explain himself — he slowly opened his eyes again.Butthey were empty too, cold black hollows in his stark shadowed face, and it looked so wrong, it felt so wrong, this was all so wrong and they were all looking at her and what the hell was she supposed to say —

“I’msorry for putting this onto you so suddenly,” cut in a low voice,Maria’svoice, and whenLouisablinked back toward her, her face was still troubled, even sad. “You’restill welcome to stay the night, of course.Andif you have any questions…”

Hervoice trailed off, her mouth twisting, and gods,Louisasuddenly couldn’t bear the thought of asking this poor woman to relive even more of what had clearly been a deeply traumatizing experience.Andtoo late, she shook her head, twitched a shaky wave of her tingling hand.

“No, andI—” she began, and then shook her head again. “I— thank you.I’m— so sorry you had to bear all that.Andso sorry you were obliged to revisit it by — by telling me, like this.”

Shecouldn’t help another narrow, searching glance towardKillik, but he still wasn’t moving, wasn’t showing any signs of having heard this — not even when bothMariaandSimonlooked at him, too.Andfor the first time, it occurred toLouisathat they would have also expectedKillikto tell her all this, andKillikhad — he had wanted to hideLouisafrom them, too.Hehadn’t wanted them to know about her.

Becausemaybe — maybe a monster wasn’t supposed to have pleasure.Hewasn’t supposed to have a woman in his bed, let alone a mate…

Killikstill wasn’t looking at her, or looking at them, but his shoulders were rising and falling now, his chin tilting towardSimon. “ButIken you ought to know, brother,” he finally said, “Iwas the one who brought this woman toUlfarr’sbed.Iwas the one who gained both their silence upon this.Iswore toUlfarrIhad told her all she needed to know.And” — his mouth pulled into a shape much like a smile — “Iled you all to believeImeant her forme, rather than him.”

Simon’sheavy brow furrowed as he stared atKillik, his mouth hard and grim. “Why, brother,” he said. “Whywould you do this, and speak false to us?”

Killik’snot-smile slightly faltered, and he jerked a short shrug. “Icare forUlfarr,” he said, without inflection. “Iwished to grant him this.”

Hisvoice seemed to hang there, dangling empty and unfinished between them.AndSimon’sbrow furrowed even deeper, his jaw flexing in his cheek — but before he could speak again,Killiksquared his shoulders, and fully turned toward him, his eyes holding blank and unseeing onSimon’sface.

“Ishall not refute your judgement upon this, brother,”Killiksaid, his voice just as blank as his eyes. “ButIshould be grateful if you could grant me the night to settle some matters first.”

Therewas an instant’s horrible silence, andLouisa’sheart skipped a beat, her eyes frozen onKillik’sempty face.Whatdid he mean aboutSimon’sjudgement?Andabout asking for a night to settle matters, as if… as if…

ButSimontwitched a curt nod, his mouth gone even grimmer, his big hand curling into a fist at his side.AndKilliknodded back, and then turned his empty eyes towardLouisa, and held out his hand.Notthe bloody one — which was still gripping his dagger — but even so, this one was still slightly shaking, his claws extended sharp from his fingertips.

“Come, then, woman,” he said, a hollow hoarse rasp. “Ishall take you home.”

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LouisafollowedKillikdown the corridor in stark, stinging silence.Hersteps short and jerky, her clammy hands clasped together, her eyes held toKillik’srigid back before her.

Hewas taking her home.Hewas going to be punished.He’dhidden something truly vile from her.Ulfarrwas a monster.Ulfarrhad attackedMaria, andkidnappedher.He’ddefended orcs who’d done horrible things.

Itwas unconscionable, utterly unimaginable, andLouisa’sstuttering thoughts still couldn’t seem to grasp at it.Itdidn’t make sense, it didn’t,Ulfarrhad a son, he was a teacher, he’d made that pack — but wasn’t that what they always said?Wasn’tthat what she’d always heard aboutLordScall, too?Suchan upstanding, well-respected man, there must be some mistake…

Butthe longer they walked, the longerLouisastared atKillik’sstiff back, the louder the questions started jostling.She’dwitnessedLordScall’scruelty firsthand.She’dcaught hints of it very early, even if she hadn’t known what it had meant at the time.AndScall’sfriends and lackeys had always either ignored or justified his behaviour, they certainly hadn’t agreed to be hauled up and judged over it, without so much as a protest.Hadthey?

Andmaybe — maybe that was what was catchingLouisathe most on this.Killikalways protested.Killikalways fought and shouted and raged, especially when it came to his precious wolf.Sofor him to just stand there, and accept those accusations, accept this defeat, it was…

Younever ask the right questions, or allow the truth of the answers…

Butwait.Wait, that was the mountain’s exit up ahead — and wasKilliktruly taking her home, already?Now?

Louisa’ssteps stuttered, her head shaking — and it was enough thatKillikglanced back at her, with those dark, empty eyes.Eyesthat again spoke of such defeat, and such… grief.

Younever ask the right questions…

“CouldI— couldIgo seeUlfarrfirst?” her choked voice asked. “Please?”

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