Page 44 of The Widow and the Orcs

“What, woman?”Killikdrawled at her. “Whycan you not speak this to him?Itcould not be that you do not wish him to hear it?”

Oh, fuck this lying vicious snake, andLouisahalf-laughed, half-roared as she whirled back toward him. “Fuck— you,” she spat. “Fuckyou, you absolute scum.Ifyou felt so damned distressed about this, you could have damn well told him yourself!Ratherthan letting him think you didn’t evenwanthim, and then leaving him alone last night, and running off and fucking someone else!Andwhen you got caught, blaming all your guilt onme!”

Hervoice was fully shouting, now, ringing out between them, but she couldn’t stop, she couldn’t. “Andyoushouldfeel guilty,” she snarled. “Ifyou really care about him so much, maybe you could keep your cock in your trousers for a week or two!Weonly have seven more nights, for fuck’s sakes!”

ButKillikonly laughed, and growled, and spun that dagger toward her, pointing its sharp, gleaming tip at her chest. “Six,” he hissed. “Younow only have six nights, woman, for you have come here and near ploughed my wolf today, without my leave.Andif you test me further, mayhapIshall grant you no more nights at all!”

Louisa’sbreath froze in her chest, her eyes caught on that gleaming dagger-tip pointing toward her.Buthe wouldn’t, surely he wouldn’t, what about her property, her staff, herhome—

Andcurse it,Ulfarr.Ulfarr, who was still staring at them like that, backing away from them, shaking his head.Andin a sudden, jerky movement, he wrenched around, and strode for the door.Hishead down, his shoulders hunched, his big hands in tight fists at his sides.

Damnit.Damnit.Louisachoked an unintelligible noise, reached a shaky hand after him — but foolish, he was gone, already gone.AndbesideLouisa,Killikwas staring after him too, his own hand outstretched, his dagger shivering in midair — but then he dropped the hand and frowned darkly atLouisa, cursing under his breath.

Louisacursed too, and dragged both hands against her sweaty hair.Shouldshe followUlfarr?Tryto apologize?Tellhim she hadn’t meant to lie to him, she hadn’t meant any of this, it wasKillik, always fuckingKillik—

“Areyou happy now?” she belatedly demanded, spinning around to glare at him. “Wasthat just as satisfying as you’ve been dreaming it would be?”

Killikgave a low hiss, baring his teeth toward her, butLouisahissed straight back. “YoudidnotsayIcouldn’t ever touchUlfarrwithout you,” she growled. “Ithought youwantedthis for him.Andof course he thought so too!Especiallysince youlefthim last night, and then he walked in on you fucking someone else this morning!Whatthe fuck else did you expect?!”

Shewas shouting again, flailing her arm between them, andKillik’ssharp growl vibrated in her chest, deep in her belly. “Iexpectedyouto know better, woman!” he shot back. “Ourpledge was for ten nights.Itwas for pleasure.Itwas to teach him to find joy with a woman again, and this isall.Itwas not for you to spend a whole day larking about with him, here at our camp, whilstIwas away working, with no knowledge of this!Itwasnotfor him to bring you here alone to ourhome, to meet all ourkin, with his scent — andonlyhis scent — reeking all over you, so they shall now see you as hismate!”

What?Louisagaped at him, as a sudden, striking comprehension flashed through the sheer sweeping rage.Ulfarrbringing her here had been… a statement, to all these people?Or… or even an announcement of their relationship, somehow?AndhadUlfarr… known that?HadUlfarrwantedto make that statement?Hedidn’t likeLouisaenough to want her as a mate… right?Because— wasn’t a mate more like… awife?

Louisablinked, swallowed, gave a bracing shake of her head. “There’sno way that’s what he was trying to do,” she said, though her voice wavered. “Hewas lonely, and hurt, and wanted company!Andhe even broughtHalthorralong as achaperone, probably because” — the awareness belatedly jolted through her brain — “he didn’t want to upset you!Andbesides, he told me he doesn’t even live here, thisisn’this home, and that’s probably because of you, too!”

Killikstared back at her, his eyes glittering with furious disbelief. “Thathasnaughtto do with me,” he snarled back. “Thatis a sentence from our kin upon him, to keep him trapped in that curst mountain, where he shall never again find joy!ButIswear uponSkai-kesh” — another sharp jab of his dagger toward her — “he longs for this camp as his home!Andnow he has marchedyoustraight into it!Hewould have ploughed you here today, and flooded this room with his claim upon you, hadInot walked in, and broken this!”

Louisa’sthoughts were spinning, her heartbeat pounding in her ears, her head whipping back and forth.Killikwas so wrong, he was so enraging, and he was just jealous, and he really thought… he thought…

“Godsdamn it,Killik,”Louisamanaged, tight in her throat. “I’mnot trying to — to takeUlfarrfrom you.Tostealhim from you.”

ButKillik’slaugh had a strange, brittle edge to it, far too loud in the silence. “Ach, no,” he drawled. “Youwill not.Forwe both know you shall never do what you must to be a true orc’s mate.Shallyou?”

Louisa’smouth opened and closed, her brow furrowing — andKilliklaughed again, gave a wild whirl of his dagger. “Shallyou abandon your home, and your lands?” he asked. “Shallyou come to live atOrcMountain, and stand tall with the shamedWolfof theSkai?Shallyou learn of all his grief and his sins, and yet wish for his touch and his scent and his name?Ach, shall you flaunt your form for him, walk bare for him, allow him to rut you — to plough you, again and again — before all our kin?”

Oh.Louisaswallowed hard, as more shock and disbelief swirled through her chest, choked at her throat.Becauseif that was what was expected of atrue orc’s mate,then — no.Shecouldn’t.Shecouldn’t leave her lands.Shecouldn’t abandon her staff and the children.Andgods, she’d barely been able to handle being naked withKillikandUlfarrin an otherwise empty hayloft, let alone in front of other people, and…

Killiklaughed again, so sharp and bitter, and he brought up his gleaming dagger, and gently tapped it atLouisa’scheek. “No,” he said, cold. “No, you shall not.Andthus” — another bitter laugh, another tap of the dagger to her cheek — “asItold you from the start, this is only ten nights.Thisis only pleasure.Thisis not you coming toWolf’shome, and play-acting as his mate, and thenleavinghim!Thisis not you bringing the shamedWolfof theSkaiyet more pain, and more grief, before all his kin!Beforehisson!”

Godsdamn it.Louisarubbed hard at her eyes, shaking her head, butKillik’swords kept ringing, swinging into a distant, miserable kind of sense.Hedidn’t want to hurtUlfarr.Hedidn’t want to add toUlfarr’spain and grief.Sohe’d created these boundaries, set this time limit, to protect not onlyUlfarr’sheart, but his name.Hisreputation.Maybeeven his relationship with their son.

“Sowhy did you even bother?”Louisademanded, her voice a rasp. “Ifthis was so damned risky for you — that a day’s visit to the camp on my own fucking land ruins all your grand plans — why did you even come to me with your deal!Whyeven start this mess in the first place!”

Killik’sgrowl bellowed through her chest, thudded through her aching skull. “Itold you this again and again, woman!” he hissed. “Becausehe longs for this!Becausethis helps him!Becauseit seems he is now himself enough to fetch you alone, and show you our camp, and seek to plough you in our common-room!Andach,Iwish to help him learn this,Iwish to grant him pleasure and strength and peace!Iwish to see him happy, andalive!”

Hewas gasping by the end of it, his eyes frenzied, his breath hot and sweet inLouisa’sface.Andhis dagger had somehow slid down to her throat, and when had that happened, and why hadn’t she even noticed.Whywas she still looking at him, raising her chin, daring him to do it…

“Andyou really think this made him happy, just now?” she bit out. “Withyou yelling at him, and mocking him, and threatening him like this?Threateningmelike this?”

Hervoice hitched, her throat convulsing against the cold steel of that dagger.Andthere was a moment’s frozen, halting stillness,Killik’seyes flashing again, his lip curling, as if…

“Gods,Killik, you obviously adore him,” she said. “Sowhy can’t you just show him?Whycan’t you just be honest with him?Whydo you need to play these games, and fuck around on him and hurt him like this?Itseems to me” — she swallowed, drew in more breath — “like maybeyoudon’t want to stand tall with the shamedWolfof theSkai.Maybeyouaren’t willing to make that kind of sacrifice for him, either.”

Killikhad gone still by the end of it, his eyes boring into hers, and she drew up straighter, drew in a deep breath. “Anduntil you sort out your mess, and your ghastly temper,” she hissed, “I’mstaying the hell out of this.I’mstaying the hell away fromyou.”

Anddid she mean it, gods, yes, she meant it, the certainty sharp in her voice, striking strong and deep through her body. “PleasetellUlfarrI’msorry,” she said. “AndthatIhad a lovely time today.Andif you can ever stop threatening tomurderthe peopleyouinvited into his bed,I’llbe very happy to see him again!”

Killikbetrayed a faint flinch, his eyes flicking down to the dagger he was still holding atLouisa’sthroat — and he abruptly lowered it, curling it into his fist.Butit was too late, too late, andLouisaeven laughed as she shook her head, and spat on the floor at his feet.

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