Page 124 of The Widow and the Orcs

Ulfarr’sbreaths sounded ragged now, his eyes glimmering as they held onSune’sbowed head. “Hesaid he has always known he would never be as good or as worthy as a blood-son,” he whispered. “Buthe begged us not to send him away, even once we gained a new son.Abetterson.Andach,Icould not —Icannot —”

Astreak of water escapedUlfarr’seye, and he shook his head, flexed his jaw tight. “Icannot bear that he eventhoughtthis,” he croaked. “Ithought he knew how much we care for him.Thereis naught in this realm that could take him from me, for he is my son.HeisKillik’sson.Heshall always,alwaysbe our son.”

Hisvoice was fierce, utterly certain, as his hand slipped to his heart, closed tightly against it. “SoIvowed this to him, beforeSkai-kesh,” he continued. “Itold himIhad no wish for a new son.Noneed for a new son.Andthis… this was truth.”

Hisvoice shifted again, softened, his blood-streaked hand wiping at his wet face. “Thiswas truth,” he repeated, as something like relief shimmered in his eyes. “Ihave spent so many of my days caring for the orclings of my pack, and fearing for them, and teaching them, and seeking to keep them safe.IkenIhave raised many, many sons, ach?Andnow” — his breath exhaled, slow — “they raise…me.Theystand and fight beside me.Theybring me such honour, and such joy.AndwhenIam gone, they shall carry my name beyond me.Theyshall speak of the goodIhave brought this clan, and not the grief, or the pain.”

Louisaswallowed, glancing at all the diligently workingSkaiaround them.IgullandElgr,RagniandKoriandFasti,Halthorr,Sune. “Andnow, they begin to have their own sons, too,”Ulfarrsaid, with unmistakable awe in his voice. “AndIwish to — to be part of this.Iwish to… savour this.Iwish to cherish this time with them, and most of all, withSune.Iwish to welcome allIhave, and be thankful for these gifts, without always seeking out more.Mostof all if gaining more might bring… less.Lessof whatImost long for, in the end.”

Hiseyes caught, lingered on whereKillikwas now standing up again, stretching both arms over his head.Hislean, blood-streaked body looking so powerful, so dangerous, so… content.

“Ilong to be a good father toSune, and to my brothers,”Ulfarrcontinued, low. “ButIalso long foryou,Louisa.Ilong for you, and forKillik.Ilong for what we have built between us, these past weeks.Icare not what we name this, andIhave no need to make you a wife — butIyet wish for this joy, and this comfort, and this peace.This… family.”

Thisfamily.Itrung low and true inLouisa’sbelly, so stark and raw with longing, and she followedUlfarr’seyes back towardKillik, who was now striding toward them with swift, steady steps.Hehad blood smeared not only over his hands, but also his chest, his face, even his mouth — butUlfarr’sexpression was still so warm, so fond.Hishand swiftly signing,Good,Killik.Thankyou.

Killikwaved it away, his intent gaze now darting betweenUlfarrandLouisa, andUlfarrdrew in a slow, heavy breath. “Ihave just been speaking toLouisa,” he said, “of all we spoke of withSune.Ofhow we have no need of a new son, or a wife.Andhow we yet long for her, and wish her to stay with us.”

Killiktwitched, but then he went unnaturally still, and his eyes onLouisalooked hunted, almost afraid. “But,” he began, with a wince. “Iken you should yet be happier,Wolf, if you —”

Louisa’sstomach plunged, becauseKillikwas again saying no, no, no.Andbefore he could speak any further, she choked a swallow, made herself nod.Madeherself face this.Speaktruth.

“Ihave no desire to — to pushKillikinto something he doesn’t want,” she toldUlfarr, too quickly. “Andhe doesn’t want — me.Heonly did all this with me for — foryou, sweetheart.”

Sheeven tried to smile atUlfarr, but found to her surprise that he was — frowning.Frowningbetween her andKillik, his mouth hard, his eyes flashing with… disapproval.Withstark, genuine anger.

“No,” he hissed. “No.Ihave had enough of this, from both of you.Ishall bear no more foolishness, and no more falsehoods.Andtoday,Ishall finally have” — his voice deepened, decisive, dangerous — “your truth.Now.”

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Ulfarrwould have their truth.Now.

Louisafroze, blinked at him, and then atKillik, who looked just as startled as she felt.Andfor an instant, as their eyes held, it was almost as though that old familiar crackle of understanding passed between them, speaking their confusion aloud.IsthisWolf?Ishe actually angry with us?Whatdoes he want?

ButnowUlfarrloudly cleared his throat, raising his hand.Instantlycalling the attention of all theSkaiaround them, all of them pausing their work to look, evenSune. “Ithank you for your good work, brothers,”Ulfarrsaid, his voice clear and carrying. “Inow need a spell alone with my — withKillikandLouisa.IgullandElgr,Ishall be grateful if you yet stand guard for us.AndSune” — his eyes flicked over toward whereSunewas intently studying them — “if you and your friends should go ready a bath and fresh clothes forLouisaat her house, we should all be most thankful.”

Louisaexchanged another brief, uncertain glance withKillik, but through the trees,Sunenodded, as a small smile spread across his mouth.Ach,Pa, he signed back.Youcan depend upon me.

Itwas the first timeLouisahad seen him use the signPa— his fist briefly touching his forehead — andUlfarrsmiled back too, slow and almost painfully fond.Thankyou, son, he signed back.Welove you.

Suneducked his head, and then spun around and left, his back very straight.AndwhenLouisametKillik’seyes again, they looked oddly bright, his mouth pressed thin.AsifSunecallingUlfarrPahad meant something to him, too.

“Now,”Ulfarrsaid, as his eyes shifted back toLouisa, and thenKillik. “Myscenting is not what it once was, butIcan yet scent the truth of this.Thus” — he wavedKillikcloser — “you shall now help me tendLouisa’swounds, pup.Youshall show her your fealty and your care.Andwhilst you do this, you shall speak.Youshall tellLouisayourtruth.”

Acurious little shiver swept upLouisa’sspine, andKilliktwitched too, his gaze darting betweenUlfarrandLouisa.Lookinguncertain, resistant, maybe even afraid…

“Dothis,Killik,” cameUlfarr’svoice, heavy with decision, with command. “Speakyour truth to her.Now.”

Killiktwitched again, shotUlfarra glance that was almost pleading — butUlfarrjust frowned back at him, waiting.UntilKillikfinally jerked a nod, and then dropped to his knees besideLouisaon the ground.Themovement unusually stilted, awkward, and he didn’t meet her eyes as he snatched for her still-bloody hand, and brought it to his mouth.

“A-ach,” he said, hoarse, followed by a brief, furtive lick againstLouisa’spalm. “I—Iwished — for this, woman.With— you.”

Heshot another brief, helpless glance towardUlfarr, butUlfarrkept frowning back, even as he liftedLouisa’sother hand, and began kissing it, too. “Fromthe start?” he demanded. “Oronly after you came to know her better?Tellus the tale,Killik.”

Killik’shot breath shuddered out againstLouisa’sskin, and that was another brief, shaky touch of his tongue. “Ihad no — no wish for this, at the start,” he replied, hoarse. “Humansare so oft fickle, and foolish, andselfish.Theyspew their falsehoods, they make vows they do not keep, they condemn our ways, they call down shame and judgement and death upon us.WhywouldIwish for any of this?”

Ulfarrnodded, his eyes still held toKillik’sface.WaitingasKillikdrew in a shaky inhale, his tongue again trailing againstLouisa’sskin. “ButIyet knew how muchyouwished for a woman,Wolf,” he croaked. “Soach,Ilet you believeIwished for it someday also, soImight better learn what you longed for.Andthen” — he shuddered out an exhale — “Iwent hunting.”

Ulfarrkept waiting, watching, whileKillikdrew in another slow, ragged breath, and pressed another kiss toLouisa’sskin. “Iwatched dozens of women, over many moons,” he continued. “ButIcould not bear any of them, and most of all,Icould not bear the thought of them withyou,Wolf.Iwas sureIhad failed, until” — his eyes darted toLouisa’sface — “IheardRosaandJulespeaking of thisLouisawho had helped them.Andthey saidSimonhad met her, also — soIwent to him, and asked his counsel.Andhe did not knowIwas asking for you, and he said — he said she would make me a good, worthySkaimate, and he would be glad to uphold this.”

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