Page 111 of The Widow and the Orcs

ShelovedKillik.She’dloved him for so damned long.Maybesince that first night he’d shown up in her bedroom, and told her of the sad, wounded kin-brother he’d do anything to save.

Andgods, the way he was staring at her.Likeshe’d shouted at him, thrown something at him, slapped him across the face. “No, woman,” he finally replied, his voice wooden, his hand flipping his dagger out of his hair, jabbing it atUlfarr’ssleeping face. “Youlove him.Him!”

Andyes, yes, that was true too, andLouisajerked a nod, gripped her hand tighter atKillik’sarm. “Yes,” she whispered. “Him, and you.You,Killik.”

Hewas shaking his head, his eyes too wide on her face, butLouisahad to keep saying it, keep trying, proving this, showing him. “Iknow we haven’t always gotten along,” she rasped. “Istill think you’re rude and obnoxious and infuriating, and the most enraging tyrant in the realm.But” — she flapped her hand at him, fought to find the words — “you’re also… brilliant.Loyal.Funny.Generous.Yousee so much, you know so much, you do so much.You’rea spectacular teacher, you’re a devoted father, and you’re an absolute fiend in bed.Iwill never,everget over you,Killik.”

Itwas more raw, humiliating truth, hurled out between them, smackingKillikacross the face.Andnot even his dagger could defend him, or hide that sharp flinch raking up his back —

Andwait.Wait, that was more hurt, there in his eyes.More… pain.AsifLouisatruly had wounded him with this, somehow struck her own dagger deep, without even knowing how, or why.No, no, no…

“Imust — go,”Killikfinally said, too fast, too shaky on his breath. “Ishall — see you come morn.”

Andthat was his hand, coming to his chest, saying,Sorry, sorry, forgive me —

Andthen he leapt to his feet, and left.

52

Louisaslept badly that night, despite the solid safety ofUlfarr’sbody beneath her, and the warmth of the fur and the fire.

Killikhad gone.KillikthoughtUlfarrdidn’t care.Killikhad maybe — maybe — spent the night with someone else.

Itall wrenched and churned inLouisa’sbelly, dark and angry and hopelessly jealous.Ithad been so close, so good and right between them, and nowKillikhad to run off and ruin everything, again.

Butthe longerLouisalay there, trying and failing to sleep, the stronger the suspicion grew.Twistinginto a single sharp, devastating question, shouting again and again through her thoughts…

HadKillikplannedto do this?Hadhe planned… toleave?

Because— the way he’d looked.Theway he’d spoken.Ithad all felt so… resigned.So… finished, as if it had all gone according to his plan.Hisplan to healUlfarr, to find him a woman, to help him regain his place, and build a home.Tooffer the ultimate gift, the ultimate sacrifice, to the orc he’d always loved so much, the orc he didn’t believe loved him the same in return…

Andafterwards, once it was done,Killikwould sink that dagger deep, and walk away.Knowinghe’d done all he could, and given his best possible farewell.

Thewoman who will stealWolfaway from us.

Louisasqueezed her eyes shut, fought to steady her shaky breaths, but the questions just kept shouting louder, harder.Alongsideall those memories ofKillik’sreluctance,Killik’sanger,Killik’sother bedmates,Killiksaying no,Killikwalking away again and again.Asif he’d been fighting this, fighting his decision on this, losing his patience and his temper — but then always, always coming back.GuidingLouisaandUlfarr.Directingthem.Helpingthem.Makingsure it worked, making sure they fell in love.MakingsureLouisa… stayed.

Butnow — what wasKillikplanning next?Hadhe meant to move away?Toleave the camp?ToleaveSune, and make a life somewhere else, maybe at the mountain, or another camp?Butno, no, he wouldn’t… or would he?

Louisadesperately wanted to go find him, to hunt him down and demand answers, demand his truth — but no.No.Godsonly knew where he’d gone, and she couldn’t risk alerting the entire clan to some major conflict between them, not now.NotwithUlfarr’sfate still in question, and the camp’s fate still in question, with theSummit’spublicOpenHousein the morning…

Butit made for an awful night’s sleep, full of misery and fury and frustration.AndwhenUlfarrfinally stirred awake beneathLouisa, what felt like an eternity later, he must have instantly caught it on her face, or maybe in her scent.

“Isaught amiss,Louisa?” he asked, his bleary eyes sharpening on hers. “Whereis — where isKillik?”

Thealarm was already there, too close in his raspy voice, and at leastLouisadidn’t need to lie, not entirely. “I—I’mnot sure,” she replied. “Maybejust out for a walk.Orhunting?”

ButUlfarrwas fully frowning now, his eyes darting betweenLouisaand the door, and he groped for her dress, and passed it toward her. “Weshall find him,” he said grimly. “Come.”

Louisanodded, and once she’d cleaned up and dressed, she quietly followedUlfarrtoward the door, past the huddles of their sleeping, snoring guests.AndthoughUlfarrheld his gaze straight ahead, she could feel the urgency radiating from him, twitching all through his big body.Because— because he couldn’t bearKillikleaving, either.HelovedKillik, he did.AndifKillikhad gone off and spent the night with someone else,Louisatruly was going to murder him.

Outside, it was very early morning, the sun just rising through the trees, the camp just beginning to stir.Severalguests were climbing out of tents and shelters, and a yawningThomaswas already cooking by the fire, raising a hand in greeting toward them.Andthere was a bleary-eyed but pleased-lookingRagni, returning from his overnight shift on guard duty with several bulky orcs from the mountain, andKoriandFastiwere stretching together in one of the hanging hammocks, their limbs and hair askew.

Andblinking toward it, toward this cozy, lovely camp in the rising sunlight, there was suddenly only longing, so deep and heavyLouisaswayed on her feet.Gods, she wanted this.Shewanted all of this.Shewanted to stay here.Shewanted to fix this, and make this work.ShewantedUlfarr, and she wanted…

“Killik!” she exclaimed, with shaky, staggering relief, as his lean, bare-chested body swung down from the trees above.Hewas still here, he hadn’t left, thank the gods…

Butwait.Hehadn’t come fromUlfarr’skofi, so that meant he’d slept… somewhere else.Andwho had he slept with, had he still ruined everything —

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