Page 110 of The Widow and the Orcs

“Sogood,Louisa,” he breathed, so soft. “Mine.”

ItshudderedLouisaall over, struck at something solid and deep and true.Andshe couldn’t stop clinging to him, breathing in the sweet safe scent of his neck, dragging in his strength and his truth.Asshe felt him relaxing further and further beneath her, his breaths gone slower and deeper, until they escaped in a heavy, rumbling snore.Asleep.

Louisa’seyes had fluttered closed too, her own awareness shimmering away into peace, into this sweet perfect safety — until a movement jarred against her, within her.Killik, finally slipping out and away from her — but now, where he’d been, there was something soft, a rag, tucking in close.Andthen warmth, heavy and velvety, drawing over her.Afur.

But— wait.Wait, nowKillikwas shifting sideways, he was swiping for his trousers, he was — he wasleaving?Andjust in time,Louisa’shand snapped out, clutched tight against his wrist, against his strangely clammy skin.

“Wait,” she breathed, forcing her hazy eyes to focus, to findKillik’skneeling body in the dimming firelight. “Where— where are you going?”

Therewas a beat of stillness, filled by the distant babble of voices and groans, the low pulsing drum.UntilfinallyKilliksighed, and shrugged, and ran a hand against his messy hair.

“Tobuild a wagon,” he replied, a little flat. “Orpoke a wasps’ nest.Orwrite some prettyKa-esh letters, mayhap.”

What?Louisa’sflinch was too obvious, too betraying — and that was hurt, coiling sudden and dull in her chest.He… he didn’t want to tell her.He’djust done that with her, withUlfarr— and now he wanted to leave.Andhe didn’t want her to know why…

And— wait.Thiswas ringing at something, something familiar, something crucially important.EnoughthatLouisaclutchedKillik’swrist tighter, frantically searched his unreadable eyes.

“Just— don’t go off with someone else,” she croaked. “Please,Killik.Don’t.”

Killik’sshoulders rose and fell, his eyes shifting away, almost as if — as if that was exactly what he’d been about to do, gods curse him.He’dworked so hard to helpUlfarr, he’d honoured him before his kin, he’d gotten him a woman, and the camp.He’dperhaps done everything he’d set out to do, and now —

Nowall he had to do was slide the dagger deep, right where it would hurt most, and then walk away.

“Don’tdo it,Killik,”Louisabreathed, begged. “Don’t, for the love ofSkai-kesh.Ulfarrstill needs you.Helovesyou.”

Butthat was pain, flaring brief but unmistakable inKillik’seyes, as he shot a glance down atUlfarr’srelaxed, softly snoring face. “Ach, does he?” he asked, far too steady, too calm. “Andwhen has he ever spoken this?Orshown me this?Whenhas he ever toldmeto fuck him, and honour him?Orcalled mehis?”

Louisa’smouth opened and closed, and she drew in an unsteady breath. “Hepraises you all the time,Killik!” she countered. “Hecalls you quick and clever and loyal, his fierce lusty pup, with your sharp words and your strong prick and —”

ButKillik’shand snapped up, signing,No, leave it, even as he barked a thin, hoarse laugh. “AnyworthySkaispeaks praise thus to his bedmates,” he replied, clipped. “Mostof all ones he wishes to keep.Butit is not the same” — he jabbed a wavering claw toward her — “as how he speaks to a true mate.Toone he wishes to claim ashis, for always.”

Louisa’sthroat spasmed, her eyes darting back down toUlfarr’ssleeping face.Becauseof course he wanted to claimKillikas his for always, right?Surelyhe did,Louisawas certain of it.Becausethe way he looked atKillik, the way he touched him, the way he spoke of him, the way he’d been so upset aboutKillik’sother bedmates.Ulfarrdid loveKillik, he did, but…

Butwhy — why hadn’t he ever said those things?Donethose things?AndnowLouisa’sthoughts were flicking back to howUlfarrhadn’t wanted to share hiskofiwithKillik— and how he’d kept avoiding the topic of fuckingKillik, too.Andthen, howKillikhad told her he would never stop upholdingUlfarr, even ifUlfarrdidn’t want it anymore…

AndsurelyKillikhad caughtLouisa’sconfusion, because he laughed, low and almost easy. “Nowyou follow, ach?” he said, again with that unnatural lightness in his voice. “Iam… useful.Alwaysat hand.Agood friend, a lusty bedmate, a good loyal pup, forever underfoot.ButIam not” — he drew in a guttering breath — “notthus.Not…wanted.”

He’dgiven another sharp jab towardLouisa, still wrapped safe and warm inUlfarr’sstrong arms.Because— because he was sayingUlfarrwantedher, not him.Butit didn’t make sense,Ulfarrdid want him, he did —

“Hedoes want you,Killik,”Louisagasped, because it had to be true, it had to be. “Heloves you.Iknowhe does.”

ButKillikonly shrugged and laughed again, his eyes unnervingly empty on her face. “Ach, do you?” he drawled. “Afterthese few short nights?WhenWolfhas hadtwenty whole summersto say this, or do aught about this?”

Louisacouldn’t find her voice, her eyes again searchingUlfarr’srelaxed, sleeping face.Curseit, why hadn’t he done anything?Hewas happiest with a woman.Hehas always longed for a woman.Sunewished to face the woman who will stealWolfaway from us…

“Thenjust — ask him,Killik,”Louisasaid, pleaded. “Just— give it one more night.Givehim a chance to explain, before you run off and do something you’d regret.It’sbeen a long day, and we have a big day tomorrow, andI’msure we’re all tired, and…”

ButKillikwas already looking away, she was already losing him, of course she was.Twentyyears, andUlfarrhad never said anything, but now he had gone and said all these things to her.AndUlfarrcouldn’t even speak for himself now, he couldn’t try to makeKillikstay, but…

ButLouisacould.Shecould prove this.Facethis.Fixthis.

“AndI—Ineed you,Killik,” she whispered. “I—Ican’t bear the thought of you going off with someone else.Notnow, not after all this.Please.”

Killik’seyes snapped back toward her, his brow deeply furrowing, but he was listening, yes, yes — andLouisadrew in breath, strength, truth. “Ineed you here,” she choked. “Withme.Withus.Mostof all with thisSummittomorrow,Idon’t know how you expect me to deal with everything involved in it, whenIknow — whenIknow you’veleft!”

Hervoice had risen too high, too shrill, her eyes pleading on his face. “Iwould —Iwould make you mine,” she breathed. “Ifyou’d allow it,Killik.I’dgive you everythingIcould, tell you anything you ever wanted to hear.BecauseI…Ilove you.”

Thewords cracked in her voice, prickled behind her eyes — because they were probably shameful, surely pathetic, and most certainly… truth.

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