“Yeah.” I can’t stop my voice from cracking. “But, I got the contract.” I hold up my fresh glass. “Yay?”
He winces. “Whoa.”
“I thought she was fucking dead. After her text, I hadn’t heard from her. Didn’t have a goddamn clue what happened. For three days I was out of my fucking mind with worry. Then I see her there. An entirely different person than who she said she was. How can I take this job and spend the next few years around her father knowing I fucked his eighteen-year-old daughter’s virginity away? It’s unbearable.” I take a big swig.
Brock takes a long pull of his beer. “Have you talked to her?”
“How?” I shake my head, the thought of Ivy twisting the knife in my heart. “I have no way to reach her.”
Swirling his chair to face me, Brock grips my wrist. “Kill, don’t beat yourself up.”
“I feel like a goddamn fool.” I slide the empty glass away. “She’s a kid. I’m fourteen years older than her. I’ve never felt this strongly about someone and I feel like a pervert for…”
It’s the sex. I can’t stop the visions of her beautiful, wondrous face every time I made her come. How incredible it felt, lying in my bed, entwined and naked with Ivy after fucking all night. Washing her hair in the shower while she rode my cock. Licking whipped cream from her nipples.
Everything we did now seems…tainted. I feel disgusting. Like I inadvertently groomed her, or something.
“You didn’t know,” Brock says gently. “You can’t feel bad about something you didn’t know about.”
“Yeah, but why did she lie? Was I some summer fling to her? A way to rebel against her dad? It felt like so much more.” I shake my head, the confusion and anger bubbling up inside me. “I’d have never touched her had I known. It’s unfathomable. I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“What are you going to do?” Brock takes another sip of his beer.
“I have no idea.” I bury my face in my hands. “She’s the daughter of a billionaire. She told me her father was controlling. Maybe I’m just a pawn in some strange family dynamic. Or, maybe she really loved me. I don’t know anymore.”
“And now you’ve got this contract.” Brock leans forward. “It’s a huge opportunity, Kill. But I get it. It’s complicated as hell.”
An understatement if I’ve ever heard one. “Yeah. I don’t know if I can do it. But, I don’t know if I can’t. This job will catapult the company to a new level. It’s everything I’ve been working toward.”
“You’ve got to figure out what’s more important to you. The job or your sanity.” Brock slugs me in the arm, trying to lighten the mood.
We sit in silence for a moment, the noise of the bar fading into the background. Brock’s correct. I can’t figure out what matters more. It’s not an easy choice.
“I wish I knew why,” I say finally, my voice breaking. “Why she lied to me. What she really wanted. I was in love with her.Amin love with her.”
Brock grips my shoulder. “You may never get those answers. Don’t let it eat you alive, she was with you willingly. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s a consenting adult. No matter what happens, you’ve got to find a way to move forward.”
As the night wears on and the bar starts to empty, the alcohol and mental exhaustion catches up with me. “I’m fucked.”
If only I could talk to Ivy. Get some closure. I know it’s unlikely, she’s leaving for Stanford soon,and as far as I’m concerned, I’m not initiating contact. She’s off-limits. It’s too dangerous. We can’t continue whatever this fucked-up relationship is, anyway.
As we leave the bar, the cool night air hits my face, a stark contrast to the warmth inside. “Thanks, Brock. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d probably be face down in a ditch somewhere.” He whacks me on the back. “Seriously, Kill. You’re going to get through this.”
I nod, unconvinced. “I hope so.”
My Uber ride home is quiet, the city lights blur past as I replay the night’s conversation in my mind. I realize, the faster I get over Ivy, the better. I need to forget the past few weeks. Forget about her. She’s leaving for a new life soon. One without me.
A case or two of Jamison 15 should help. No, Red Breast. Fuck it, I’ll get both.
Ten minutes later, I crawl into my bed, which still smells like her. The room spins. Squeezing my eyes shut, I know what I must do. For the first time in days I fall into a dreamlesssleep.
A loud pounding on my bedroom door wakes me up the next morning.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I stagger to my feet. There are only a few options of who it could be. My brothers or Brock.
Or Ivy.