Page 73 of Timeless: Encore

He presses his cheek to mine. Trails his fingers along the underside of my arms. “What else?”

“My arms have no definition, they’re just there.” I shake them and watch the slight jiggle. “See?”

Zane encircles my wrists and brings each arm up above my head, keeping my hands pressed against the glass. “Do you see these little indents?” He traces the defined lines along the side of each arm, which I’ve never noticed. “Whenever you ride me and you’re about to come, sometimes when you fully let go you’ll throw your arms above your head. I want to run my tongue along this muscle.”

So he does. I grind my ass against his cock. Hoping he’ll slip inside me. I’m so fucking wet. I nearly get lost when he grabs my belly with both hands. “Why do you always try to hide your stomach from me?”

I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Look at me, Fee.” Zane smooths his palms across my entire midsection. “Tell me why you hate your beautiful curves that I love so much.”

“Ever since I had Mia, I can’t get rid of the pooch. It just hangs there. I’m getting fatter. It’s so embarrassing.” Desire turns to shame. I try to pull free.

He holds fast to my wrists and brings them down so our hands are clasped across my stomach. “Did you hear what I said earlier about how much I love your curves?”

“Yes.” I bite my lip.

“Would I lie to you?” He kisses my shoulder.

I sag back against him, evade the question. “No. You’d never hurt me. Not intentionally.”

“It’s not the same thing.” He tilts his head. Brings my hand to his hard, throbbing cock. “I’m telling you that I love your lush body. I want you. You’re like a Botticelli vixen. No—a million times more beautiful. I fucking love you.”

It’s too much. I pull away from him. Stand in the corner of the elevator covering myself with my hands. “I know what you’re trying to do, Zaney. It doesn’t change the fact that I have a hard time seeing myself the way you see me. I’m self-conscious. Your body is like an Italian marble statute. I read the comments on LTZ’s social media. Everyone thinks I’m …”

“Fiona. No. Stop it. This morning I saw you looking at the “hotfee” hashtag. Not everyone thinks anything, and none of those people are relevant in your life.”

I sniff. Tears pool in my eyes. It sucks being a woman. Everyone has something to say. It’s so confusing.

“Fee, let me love you. All of you. Let me in. Let me back in like it used to be with us,” Zane pleads. “Remember, you and I are the only people in this world who matter. I love every part of you. I always have.”

Desperate to gain some equilibrium, to stuff my insecurities deep inside, I step toward him. Grip his cock. Stroke. “Will you fuck me, baby?” My thumb flicks over his crown. “Make me come. I need it.”

“Not right now. Fucking you isn’t the best part of loving you.” He removes my hand, steps to the keypad and punches in the code. The elevator lurches up. His face is awash in misery. I have no idea what’s just happened. I know he’s never turned me down before. Ever.

When the doors open into our bedroom he heads straight into the bathroom. Brushes his teeth. His boner has deflated. His entire demeanor has too.

“I don’t know what I did... Just tell me. I’m sorry. I’ll do anything.” I cup his shoulder.

He sighs. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Fee. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought … maybe …”

I stare at him in the mirror, trying to understand. “Please.”

“Okay. I’m just going to say something to get it off my chest. I’vealwaysbelieved you love all parts of me. The good. The bad. The ugly. It’s what got me through all the years we were separated. All of the times Carter never showed up. It got me through this entire fucking year when my band brothers abandoned me. From the beginning of time, you’ve always had my back. You’re the one person in this life who gets me. I’m lucky. Blessed.“ Zane’s voice is agitated, but not angry. He strides toward our bed and climbs in.

I follow him and crawl under the covers. Face him. “I do love every part of you.”

“I know, butyousomehow don’t believe I love you with equal ferocity. And ithurts.“ Zane looks like he’s in agony. “I’ve always seen myself through your eyes, even when I’ve been ashamed of myself. Or felt less than. When I was bullied in grade school. When your mom used to call me all of those horrible names. In high school when I lost my virginity to someone else. When I messed up our love hack. Even when we worked on rebuilding our relationship after Mia was born. Knowing you loved me anyway—even if you were mad at me—got me through.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand, baby. I don’t …”

“Until you believe you are loved identically by me, Fee, how can you let me fully in? From the time your mom separated us when we were fourteen, you’ve held a part of yourself back. I’ve thought a lot about it. It’s why you invented that stupid love hack before culinary school. Reinstated it before I left on tour …”

I can’t help but interrupt. I’m so incredibly crushed. “Idon’thold myself back with you. Never.”

“Seriously? You told me you were with a football player. I was so fucking sad when I never heard from you, I gave up my virginity to some stupid chick in the band room. Do you realize that set this entire Corey Johnson bullshit in motion? You did it again before I left on tour. You told me to be with other women. I had no intention of being with anyone else. You acted like you wanted to be with other guys, and I was okay with it. Because I loved you. It’s so fucked up.I convinced myself I was okay if it made you happy. Do you know how this shit eats at me? I. Wasn’t. Fucking. Okay.“ Zane punches the pillow.

It eats at me too, but I don’t say a word. All I can do is motion for him to continue.

---