Page 71 of Timeless: Encore

No doubt they rue the day they decided to leave their prestigious culinary jobs all over the world to work for me. I’m such a joke.

Fuck. When I looked around at my dream-team—the executives, Justice, Petra, Emilie, Wolf, Daire, and Jetta. The all-star staff, sous chefs, dishwashers, servers. All I could think about was the time and effort I put into recruiting each person. How awful it would be to lose any one of them. Especially after they rallied around me despite my despair and their own personal disappointment.

I made a snap decision, I offered each staff member six months paid vacation complete with benefits if they’d come back to help me reopen next year. They all agreed. They believe in Gus. Somehow, they believe in me. In fact, they encouraged me to take a break. And they meant it.

So, that’s what I’m going to do. Our family is in shambles after what happened. I don’t want to give up my dream, but it’s time to focus on getting healthy. Mentally and physically. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been—two months of eating without any exercise will do that to you—all the glowy “she’s hot” press aside, last night put me right back into a shitty headspace.

Somehow, I need to find strength to take care of my family. Get healthy. Most importantly, show Mia how to face disappointment with grace. Teach her what it means to pick yourself up and start again. Model the type of person I’d love for her to be. I don’t know how I’ll manage all of this when I feel like my world has collapsed, but I’ve got to try.

I can’t be like my own mother. I just can’t.

I’m worried about Zane. He’s all over the map with his emotions. Screaming out Carter’s name at the restaurant. Dead silence ever since we got home. I’ve never seen him this broken. Well, except for the day we found Carter in the park all those years ago. It’s almost like something snapped.

Keep yourself together, Fee.

“Zaney, we should go to bed. It’s nearly midnight.” I find him in the media room, sprawled out on the couch wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. Watching a video of Limelight performing at Lollapalooza in the nineties.

He doesn’t say anything. Just stares at the screen. I sit next to him. Run my nails along his scalp. Massage his head a bit while I look at the screen. Back in the day, Limelight was unlike anything anyone had ever seen. They put the Seattle music scene on the world map. It’s easy to see why. Carter’s magnificent. Shirtless. Long, curly hair flowing in the breeze during his solo. He’s electrifying.

On stage, Zane’s exactly like his father. Same mannerisms. Same expressions. Same stage presence. It’s a little eerie.

“I was probably eight or nine when he played this show,” Zane mutters. “You can tell he’s high as a kite. Look at his eyes.”

Definitely. When the camera zooms into Carter’s face you can see his pupils are like pinpricks. Sweat on his upper lip. Despite his insane musicianship, he looks like a zombie. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“I saw the news. According to them, Ty’s on drugs again. They’re making up all sorts of shit about what happened. Just wait until they find out the truth about … Carter.” Zane’s voice breaks. “Tell me … the guys, everyone … they know about him. Ty—don’t they?”

“Well, while I was figuring out the restaurant, everyone cleaned up The Mission. Ronni and Alex straightened up the dressing room.” I make little circles around his temple with my thumb. “They found the paper with the DNA results. I walked in on them talking about it, so I just told them. Seemed stupid not to.”

He tilts his head up. His brown eyes are deep pools of devastation. “I should have stayed with you, Fee. I’m sorry I lost my shit. You needed me.”

I did. Instead, you chose the father who always seems to let you down. Again.

I don’t say that, though. I lie.

“Don’t apologize, baby. You had to be with Carter. We all rallied. My staff. Connor, Ronni, Alex, and Jace. I couldn’t have gotten through it without them.” I smooth his wild hair from his forehead. Give him a little smile. Think about how hard I cried last night. How stupid I was to let my facade down. How embarrassed I am for exposing my weaknesses.

Stop it. That’s not what happened.

Zane gets a faraway look in his eyes. “He was like a wild animal, Fee.”

“Tell me what happened in that room. Connor and Jace weren’t there.” I don’t feel capable of absorbing any information. I’m on the edge myself. But, for my Zaney, I’ll listen.

Zane sits up and faces me. Recounts in great detail the entire conversation up through Ty opening the paternity results. Nothing about it seems particularly violence-inducing though.

“I don’t get what happened, Zane. Why did it get so violent?” All I can think about is how selfish Ty was. Impulsive. Did he not realize that his timing was about as bad as it could get?

“I don’t even know, Fee.” Zane wrings his hands. “Ty got this look in his eyes… like he lost all semblance of reality. He charged Carter without warning. Accused him of knowing all along and lying about it. Hs just started pummeling him. No, he beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Blind rage. I tried to pull Ty off, but he railed at me too. I had to use Krav Maga to stop him … I wanted to kill him. I could have …”

I cover his hands with mine. “No, you wouldn’t have. Never, Zaney.”

“All I could see was Carter on the ground at the park, Fee. I didn’t even remember what happened next. Until suddenly, I was at the hospital. Bits and pieces are starting to come back, but I left you there at Gus. I fucking left you …”

Suddenly I understand. I’m ashamed that I ever doubted his intentions. He’s the one person I can always count on, and yet I always find a way to question. God. He was traumatized. I’m a horrible, horrible partner. I always think the worst, and he’s always putting me first.

I try to look away because I’m so ashamed, but Zane pulls my face to his. Kisses me like his life depends on it.

In that moment I decide that he can take whatever he needs from me. I owe him that much, so I grab his face and kiss him back. He bites my lip. I dig the tips of my nails into his shoulder, leaving red half-moon marks. Our mouths are almost all the way open as we try to swallow each other whole. He flips around and grips my upper arms. Pushes me back against the cushions.

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