Page 51 of Signs and Signals

“You can go ahead, maybe what you say will clear up a lot of things I am still confused about. I will hold any questions I have until you are completely finished, this way, nothing gets missed and we don’t get sidetracked. Does that sound good?” Indya decides. She is rubbing her arms, so I know she is feeling the nerves, just as I am.

“Alright, I will start at the moment I got your text. But first I want to tell you I am sorry for all of this. Even if it was mostly other people who are to blame, I am sorry you had to be a part of it,” I say in an exhale. I feel better knowing I have apologized to her, even if I did nothing wrong.

She nods her head, accepting my apology, so then I jump right into it.

“I was crushed when you messaged me. I had no clue what I had done and why you were saying you wanted me to be happy with Mallory of all people. Even though you told me not to text or call, I did, but you must have blocked my number right after you sent the message, because as soon as I read it, I tried. About a month or so goes by and Simms and I are working out in the gym at the clubhouse, when he asks about it. He kept saying it didn’t make sense and you would have had a good reason to break up with me. He was right. He found the article that was published and when I read it, I went straight to the magazine where that douche, James, worked. He pretty much told me what I already knew, but I need confirmation.

“After him, I told Mallory if she pulled anything like that again, I would get a restraining order against her. Well, she didn’t listen, so the restraining order is in place and she was served with those papers. I recently found out her parents made her go to the East Coast and manage some of the hotels and restaurants near Boston. They were at her house when theofficer served her. They were so embarrassed she was acting this way, they had her packed up and moved two days later.”

I laugh shaking my head, just imagining Mr. and Mrs. Whitmore’s faces when the officer handed Mallory that envelope that held the restraining order. That would have made my entire fucking year.

“I’m getting ahead of myself, so just know, she is out of the picture. The article was written by my mother and sent in to be published and the picture was from Mallory. The photograph you saw online, was from right after I was drafted to the Legends. It was years ago when it was taken.” I really hope she is believing me on this, because I don’t know how much more I can deal with the pain of her not being in my life.

“Then I took my mom out to lunch when she got back from a trip she took. Telling her the same thing I pretty much have told her time and time again. Stay out of my business or be removed from my life. I gave her a chance to come clean about everything, but she didn’t take it.” This still hurts, she is my mother. I have always been honest with her and I never understood why she couldn’t give me the same in return.

“When I got back to my place after lunch with my mother, Amara was in the lobby waiting on me. And let me tell you, she did not hold back, I tell her, making sure she doesn’t think her best friend has left her side.”

“That makes a lot more sense as to why Amara has been acting weird the last few weeks. I thought she was seeing someone and didn’t want to tell me, either because it was that fuck face Trevor, or someone on the team I feel a little silly about it really. She was just trying to hide the fact that she confronted you even though I told her not to.” She laughs, her head shaking, like she can’t believe that it was nothing that romantic or dramatic.

“God, I missed that sound,” I whisper, the words slipping from my mouth, unintentionally. “Sorry, I will continue with my story.”

“Amara is the one who informed me that apparently, I was getting married and had an engagement party coming up. I was shocked. I had no clue about any of that. I was so angry when she told me my mom hand delivered it to you herself, especially since I had just spoken to her and given her the chance to tell me herself and she didn’t. As soon as she finished telling me every detail, I went straight to my parents’ house. My mom and Mallory were in the library looking through a wedding binder. That was when I told Mallory to get out, and to be expecting the restraining order. I called my lawyer and told him to have it filed and to her before dinner time.” I found out she got it two hours later which filled me with joy.

“My mom acted like nothing was wrong, she didn’t try to deny anything. So, I told her she no longer had a position in my life as my mother and left,” I say fervently, I love my mom, and even though she acts the way she does, she is still my mother. So, when I cut her out of my life, and she didn’t respond, it hurt—deeply.

“I’m sorry she hurt you that way, Atlas. No mother should ever not try to fight to keep you, ever. I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if those words were spoken to me by Haven. I would have done anything and everything to get her back in my life,” Indya tells me, sitting closer so she can rub comforting circles on my back.

“It’s fine, Indy. She will realize her choices when she attempts to contact me and is unable to. I don’t think she believes I would do that to her, I have given her so many chances over the years. This was too much, she went too far over the line, when I lost you and Haven. I will be fine, I promise,” I say, hoping what I am telling her is truthful.

“I guess, it’s my turn. I don’t really have any questions for you about the whole ordeal. My side of the story is much shorter, I am afraid. My sisters showed me the article that is when I messaged you. You’re right in your assumption, I blocked your number as soon as I hit send and it was delivered. I didn’t want to hear excuses as to why you never mentioned it or tell me you were back with Mallory yourself. About a week or so after Amara caught Haven on the phone with you, she changed into a completely different person. She told me she hated me and wished she had a dad so she could live with him. That broke me. I was already broken from what I thought you had done, but when my baby signed those words to me with so much hatred and anger on her little face, it shattered all my broken pieces. We dealt with that, slowly but surely, she is coming back to me. I think her talking to Zander helps her feel close to you as well as him.

“Then months pass, I am still heartbroken during all of this time. Haven is still broken hearted but getting better every day. Your mom shows up and tells me that since I didn’t get to enjoy the gala, she wanted me to enjoy this event. She didn’t mention what it was or who it was for, she just handed me the envelope and pretty much ran from my apartment. When I opened it, reading the words, well, what was beginning to heal, shattered again, apparently, I passed out. Then when I woke up after sleeping for most of the day, Amara told me she came here with Haven and what they saw. Once again, my baby was heartbroken. But we are healing, slowly but surely,” she says taking a deep breath.

“We have watched every game that has been televised. So even though we aren’t together, doesn’t mean we weren’t thinking of you and wishing you luck on every catch, every throw, every hit, and every run you made. It doesn’t mean we don’t still care about you, Atlas. I want to show you somethingif that is okay. This is the outfit Haven wore for today’s game; I told her you were nervous that morning because this is where you lost last year. I about lost it when she came out of her room, head held high, not giving two fucks who had something to say about what she is wearing that day,” she laughs, but the pride in her eyes tell me everything I need to know.

She flips through her phone, then hands it to me. There is my princess, wearing baseball leggings, my jersey, her princess crown, and a tutu. It looks like there are charms all over the tutu, but I can’t make out what they are, even when I zoom in.

“What is on her tutu?” I ask, because it is going to drive me crazy if I don’t have every detail of this photo ingrained into my memory bank.

“They’re baseball charms, little bats and little gloves, or mitts whatever you want to call them. She added those herself, with the help of her uncle Silas, which I discovered after the game,” she laughs shaking her head at their antics.

“Um, do you think, uh, I could have a copy of this?” I ask nervously.

She snatches her phone, and then my phone vibrates next to me.

“Of course, she would love knowing you got to see her in her game day uniform as she now calls it. After you guys won, she came up to me and said she will be wearing that exact outfit for the World Series, it is her good luck charm,” she is laughing again, shaking her head, like she can’t believe some of the things her daughter comes up with.

“Thank you. She looks great. She looks like she has grown since I last saw her, she even looks older,” I say solemnly, sad I have missed moments with her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain. I panicked, and I was already too deep in with you, so was Haven. I was scared that if it was true and I ignored it or let you off with a warning, I would end up in a relationship like some of thefoster families had when I was growing up. I am sorry, so sorry, Atlas. Please forgive me?” A tear falls from her eyes, and I catch it with my thumb.

“There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Indy. We are good, I promise. I will even pinky swear on if you want. I have been a mess without you and Haven in my life. I would get jealous when we were on the road and Zander would get calls from Haven. I knew exactly when he would get them, he always went to the bathroom to take them. I could still hear his voice, and yours when you were telling him what Haven was saying. I know it wasn’t his fault for being allowed contact with her, but I wanted that too. I loved her first, and he ended up getting more of her time when I got nothing. It hurt something fierce,” I say thinking back to every time Zander got a call and then raced to the bathroom.

We sit there for a moment, not speaking, not moving, just thinking. Thinking about everything that was said and everything that was done.

“I forgot to ask you and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay too. Has David tried to reach out to you since you called him that night? Have you gotten any letter from the courts or anything?” I ask, curious what happened after I left her apartment that night.

“No, nothing. Which I find strange, because he is not one to give up on something like that. Sonya is the same way, so I am not sure. I try not to think about it because I don’t want my luck to change in that aspect. So as of now, I just pretend that the phone conversation never happened,” she says, the relief in her voice clear.

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