Page 22 of Signs and Signals

She takes a deep breath, and I can see the resolve in her eyes. “I have more hearts to protect other than my own. I can’t deny the things I feel for you, deeply, very deeply, but I want to make sure this is something you are prepared for.”

Her gaze shifts slightly, as if she’s looking into the future. “She is always going to be deaf, and I am always going to wantto make this world a better place for her. Are you prepared to be second, to Haven’s first?”

The room feels charged with electricity, every word she speaks resonating within me. I can hear the faint ticking of the clock on the wall, each second stretching out as I process her words. The warmth of her hand in mine is a reminder of the connection we share, and I know this moment will define our future.

I get what she is saying, I do. But why is this all coming out now, after the most amazing kiss of our lives? I guess that means I am not getting the rest of the way through the door for our mouths to get to know one another a little more.

“That is what makes me say you are a great mother,” I begin, my voice steady but filled with emotion. “You are putting your child before anyone else. How could I ever fault you for something so selfless?” I reach out, gently brushing a strand of hair from her face, feeling the softness of her skin under my fingertips. “I care for you, and my feelings for you run deep, but even just meeting Haven, I have given her a piece of my heart too.”

I take a deep breath, the cool night air filling my lungs. “I will go along with your plan, for now. Just know, I am not giving you up without a fight, so don’t go to bed overthinking our entire relationship.” I can see the worry in her eyes, and I want to ease it. “There is no time limit on when you should feel certain emotions. Sometimes, our souls aren’t really whole until we find our other half. When that happens, you don’t get to think, this is going too fast or too slow. What works for us may not work for others, and that’s okay.”

I step closer, my hand cupping her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin against my palm. “Like I said, I know what I feel, and I am never letting you or Haven go. The faster you realize that, the faster we can start living.” I lean in, pressing atender kiss to her cheek, the scent of her perfume enveloping me.

Without giving her a chance to respond, I turn and make my way to my truck in the parking lot. The gravel crunches under my boots, and the cool breeze rustles the leaves around me. As I reach my truck, I glance back, seeing her standing in the doorway, a silhouette against the dim light. My heart aches with the distance between us, but I know this is just the beginning of our journey.

***

We have been on the road for four days now, we have played in Portland, Boise, Salt Lake, and Denver. Now we are making the long stretch to St. Louis, the game starts at seven, so we are going to be cutting it close. We have won all the games so far, and our goal is to keep winning them until we are at the World Series. Winning the series is what will make all this worth it.

The Legends have made it to the playoffs every year since I have been drafted, but we never make it to the actual World Series game. Last year, we were two games away from our goal and ended up losing by two runs.

I am sitting next to Simms, as usual, and he has been telling me about the “chicks” he has been seeing.

“So, you are telling me, you are wining and dining, five different women, and none of them know about each other, but they all live in our town. Don’t you think that eventually you are going to run into one of them while you are out with another one? Fucking hell, man, how can you not realize this is going to blow up in your face?” I can’t even fathom looking at another woman, because I have Indya, and this mother fucker over here is with five women from the same town we live in. I am anxiously waiting for the moment that he meets his other half, and she knocks him off that pedestal that his ass is perched on.

“Dude, that will never happen. And before you ask how I know; I will tell you. It’s simple really, I just don’t take any of them out,” Simms says smugly like he just found the cure for cancer and can’t believe no one else figured it out.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t take them out? Not even to dinner in another town, anywhere?” I am completely shocked by his response. How does he consider dating them, if he isn’tdatingthem? It makes absolutely no sense to me. But I am definitely going to laugh my ass off when this blows up for him, I hope I have a front row seat to watch it all implode.

“They come to my house, where I order food, and we chill there. Being in the MLB has advantages you know, I tell them the PR team said not to go out alone, less risk of being hurt, or being chased down by mobs of fans, or paps. The girls love that I am well known in baseball, makes them feel superior to all other women or something, I don’t know, but I do know it does things to them. So yeah, they come to my house on different days, we eat, we watch some television, we fuck, shower and they leave. I am living my best life right now, brother, you should join me.”

The way that he says I should join him makes my stomach tighten.

“I don’t need or want any of that, Simms. You know how I feel about Indya. She is it for me, man. No one will ever measure up to what she and I have, and they never will, guarantee it.”

I turn my head to look out the window, it’s kind of cloudy out, looking like a storm is heading our way. Hopefully it doesn’t cancel the game, because then we would have to make it out here again.

“How is Indya today, anyway? Have you talked to her? The kid? Do you think her hot friend would want to even me out and be my number six?” Simms wiggles his brows, and I burst out laughing, fucking dumbass.

“Indya is great, I am assuming. I haven’t talked to her since after the game. I told her I would call her when we got to the hotel, since we are staying over in St. Louis before heading to Chicago. Also, ‘the kid’ has a name and you know it, but no I haven’t talked to Haven since I left their house when I had dinner. I am going to see if Indya will let me talk to her the next time I call, but she might be in bed, but I am still going to ask. As for Amara, that woman will chew you up and spit you out. She is definitely out of your league, I honestly don’t think you would survive her, I really don’t.” I say the last part as I am chucking, because I would love to be there if he ever tries to make a move on her. Amara would destroy my boy’s self-esteem, confidence, and game, if he tried to do whatever the hell it is that he does to get any woman to fall for his charms. I am positive about that.

I look over at him because he has gone quiet, the look on his face is the one he has when we are coming up with strategies for the upcoming games. Fuck me, he is coming up with a plan to approach her and ask her out. He is so screwed.

I go back to looking out the window, again, thinking over the words Indya had said to me the night I left her apartment. Does she really think that a four-year-old little girl, with dark, tight, bouncy curls, gray eyes, and cutest little face I have ever seen, and already has me wrapped around her petite little fingers, is going to change my feelings for her? She has a lot to learn about me if she thought I would strike out just because she is a mother. Hell, it turns me on more and makes her even sexier to me.

But I have done what she has asked and have been thinking about everything she told me to think about. How my life would change if I added in Indya and Haven, well and Amara. I am fine with that, even Amara’s bluntness and backhanded compliments could not change the way I feel about Indya. I think she is scared of what she is feeling. When I gethome, I am hoping I can convince her to give us a chance. I know she loves me as deep as I love her, she just hasn’t said the words. I don’t know if she knows what the feeling is because if it is anything like what I feel, that shit is powerful.

We got to St. Louis about three hours before the first pitch, everyone is checking into their rooms, trying to relax and stretch before the game.

Bus rides are the worst, given it is a luxury bus with all the bells and whistles, but being on it for almost twelve hours will take a toll on a person's body.

Steam rolls out of the bathroom as I step into the room I’m sharing with our pitcher, Zander. He is star fished on his bed, staring at the ceiling. I chuckle and grab my clothes that I am wearing to the ballfield, I will change into my uniform when I get to the locker room, where we dropped off our bags before coming to the hotel.

“You good, man?” I ask Zander.

“Just thinkin’. We are getting’ so close to the World Series, and each step we take, puts us even closer, makes me feel the pressure a little more, ya know. We all want this so bad, comin’ close every year but not gettin’ the prize sucks big fat ass donkey dick.”

I burst out laughing, Zander is being so serious, yet still throws in the random sayings and quotes that can go one of two ways. You can get one like I just got with the donkey dick, or you can get the ones where he says things like, ‘If you drink all the Kool-Aid there won’t be any left.’ No shit, because if you drink all of it, there literally will be none left, leaving you to make more. He thinks that most of us don’t have common sense, so that’s when he pulls those words of wisdom out. Ask his roommate, Bailey, our catcher, he is the one that got the zinger about the Kool-Aid.

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