Page 16 of Signs and Signals

I laugh, because there she is, my badass best friend, my soul sister, our family. I just shake my head, sad that I missed that, but glad we don’t have to deal with him anymore. Five minutes later, I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see a curly-headed angel staring at me with a smile on her face, giving me the sign for pancakes.

Even though the morning was all drama, the afternoon is looking up. We decide to go to the park around lunchtime to have a picnic with Haven. We get home around two-thirty, and Haven is exhausted. I swear she is fast for a four-year-old. She was running from the slide to the swings, back to the slide, then to the monkey bars, and back to the swings, over and over. I only dream of having that much energy. I just laid her in her bed for a nap, so she isn’t cranky this evening, and head back to the living room to have some adult time with Amara.

I grab my phone from the table and make myself comfortable. I always leave it at home when we go to the park because I have a bad habit of setting it down and never seeing it again. I check it, in case my brother or sisters tried to get a holdof me. I still haven’t decided if I am willing to let Haven stay the weekend with them or not, so I keep putting it off. They all seem to understand because I have talked to all them, and they haven’t mentioned it. However, it is Sunday, and Silas only asked about it on Friday. Gosh, has it only been three days?

I see I only missed one message. I gasp. My heart is pounding, and my hands are beginning to sweat. Amara walks in and plops down on the couch next to me, letting me know she is just as exhausted as Haven.

“Why does your face look weird, and why are you staring at your notification screen? Most people open the message before they decide if they should freak out. Is it from Silas? One of your sisters?” All I can do is shake my head and tilt the phone her way to see who it is from.

She squeals and bounces in place, like we are sixteen-year-old girls getting a call from our crush. “Are you going to read it? I will if you don’t want to,” Amara asks. I press on the message, so it opens, and I feel the butterflies and the goosebumps attack my body at the same time. My eyes go from Amara to the screen, my heart racing with anticipation.

Atlas:good afternoon :)

My eyes find Amara’s, who is beaming straight at me. “What do I say? Do I respond now? What does it mean?” I am literally on the verge of having an eighth-grade meltdown because my crush recognized me.

Amara just laughs, “Indya, all he said was ‘good afternoon.’ What do you mean, what does it mean?” She is full-on belly laughing now, so hard a snort comes from her, which triggers my laughter.

“But the smiley face, Mar, what does the emoji mean? Out of all the emojis we have access to, why did he choose the smiley face?” I know I am being a little dramatic, but that is just me, someone who overthinks everything. Blame it on the wayI grew up; there was always a reason behind every action and word from everyone I encountered from the age of seven until I graduated college.

Amara’s smile dims a little as she begins to understand why I am reacting the way that I am. I feel her hand squeeze my shoulder, giving me the comfort my body is in desperate need of.

“Indya, things like that don’t always mean something in the way you are thinking. Sometimes, the other person doesn’t know what to say, whether it be because of nerves, or they don’t know how to start the conversation. If you want my honest opinion, he was probably nervous about reaching out to you first. Everything you have had run through your mind has more than likely run through his. But look,” she points to my phone, which still has the message from Atlas up on it, “he bit the bullet and decided on that. The emoji is just him being friendly, saying he’s happy to have decided to actually push send. So now, you need to ask yourself, are you brave enough to respond? Do you think this is something you want to continue to see if it grows? The choice is always yours, Indya, remember that. You will always be in charge of who you let in and who gets to be a part of yours and Haven’s lives.”

Amara seems to know the right thing to say to me no matter where my mind tries to take me. I give her a small smile, press reply, and type out my message to Atlas.

Indya:Good afternoon, Atlas. How have you been since I last saw you?

“Now we wait,” Amara states. She is looking at me like I just found a solution to all the problems we have ever had. She looks at me like a proud mother. I roll my eyes, smirk, and shake my head at her. I guess she is right, though. Now we wait, which is almost as nerve-wracking as receiving the message in the first place.

I don’t have to wait long because only a few minutes pass before my phone signals that I have a message. My heart speeds up, and I am so nervous to see if it is Atlas who replied. I could just be overreacting, and it is one of my siblings. But somehow, I know it is from Atlas.

Those butterflies feel as if they are about to burst from my stomach and take flight into the world.

“Come on, Indya, open it, I want to see what he said to us,” Amara says.

I giggle, “What do you mean ‘us?’”

“You know what I mean, girl, come on, let me live through you, plus you owe me.” I look at her, confused.

“You haven’t given me anything on how last night went. All I know is that you met someone, and apparently, he has your number. From that, I can see his name is Atlas. Which is kind of a cool name, different. I have only ever known one person with that name, and he plays for the Riverside Legends.”

I go completely still at that response. I did not even think that Amara might know him. The company she works for is the financial advisor for the team. She has mentioned it in passing, but I never really paid attention to what she was saying.

“Oh, uh, yeah. That’s the baseball team, right? I, uh—” I stop myself before I let my mouth get away from me. I don’t want to mess up what Atlas and I haven’t even started by not keeping this to myself. I don’t know if he would want me to mention that it was him, the actual baseball player, I was messaging. So, I try to change the subject away from Atlas as fluidly as I can.

“It is a unique name, huh,” I say, knowing she can tell I am trying to divert the conversation elsewhere. I don’t wait for her to respond; I just look down and read his reply, with Amara by my side, reading as well.

Atlas: it has gone well so far. but looking better and better each passing min. hbu, anything new going on since i last saw u.

“I don’t know what I should say here, Amara. I can’t just say, well, the morning was shit, but the afternoon has gone well. Should I just beat around the bush and say it has been a normal day as usual, or should I just go ahead and let him know about the shit show that occurred and then about the awesome time at the park we had?”

“You know me, girl, I always go with honesty, whether it is uncomfortable for me or the other person. I am not one who believes in beating around the bush. Remember, you are in control of this. If you want to tell him, go ahead; if not, then don’t.”

I know she is right, again. She has always told me that she will be honest with everything, anything else is just a waste of time. I decide she has a point. There is no use starting whatever this is with Atlas on bits of truth, so I go with my gut and start typing.

Indya: This morning was a little chaotic due to my best friend throwing her now ex-boyfriend out on his ass, for something that was unnecessary and not his place to do or say. But after she took out the trash, we had a great talk, we went to the park and had a picnic, now we are home relaxing.

Again, he responds immediately. I smile at Amara as she tells me she is proud of the way I handled that. My nerves have finally settled and just turned into pure excitement. I can’t help but feel a flutter of hope. Maybe this is the start of something good.

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