Page 54 of In All My Dreams

I pull Georgia away so I can see her face, and when I see the absolute anguish and guilt in her eyes...I know.

“No,” I choke out. “No. Irene was walking home because she never slept well here at the manor, and she fell into the lake and drowned. That’s what happened, Georgia. Thathasto be what happened. Tell me this is some kind of fucked up joke. Please tell me it’s not true.” My voice cracks. “Please, Georgia.”

“I wish I was lying. I wish it was some nightmare and when I woke up that we’d be whole again, the three of us together like it was meant to be. I wished it was me instead. I’ve wished for that since the moment the lie left my lips.”

“Why did you lie?”

She looks down at her hands, twisting them in the blue blanket in her lap. “Because I don’t remember any of it, Ian. When I woke up, I was in the bathroom with my mother and she was dressing me in a new nightgown. I remember she was crying and kept telling me that none of it was my fault. Then she put me to bed, and when I woke up the next morning...I heard your mother screaming,” Georgia says.

“When I was finally told what had happened, that Irene had drowned, I knew somehow it was my fault.” She wipes at the tears on her face angrily. “Because Ialsoremembered my hair being wet after my mother put me back in bed.”

Realization dawns on me.

No.

“You sleepwalked into the lake?”

“Yes.”

“Irene followed you?”

“Yes.”

“And my little sister drowned trying to save you.”

“Yes,” Georgia cries out. “I told you...it’s all my fault she died. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I assume that I must have swam out of the lake while I was sleeping. I don’tknow why Irene didn’t! She was always a better swimmer than me, but you know how dark and scary the lake is at night. Maybe she just got turned around and couldn’t see the shore, or she was still tired from being up in the middle of the night. That’s what I think must have happened.” Her voice trails off as she sniffles loudly, wiping at her eyes again.

Tears prickle behind my own eyes, and I press my palms hard into my face, trying to stave off the onslaught of the river that’s waiting to be unleashed. I haven’t cried since Irene died, but this. Hearing this. Reliving her last moments, at least as closely as anyone can.

Finally knowing why she was in the lake in the middle of the night to begin with...

“But why did you lie, Georgia?” I ask through gritted teeth. It’s the only part that doesn't make sense to me.

She sucks in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “Because my mother told me I had to or else I would be taken away from her.” Her voice is void of feeling, and it forces me to remove my hands from my face. “She said the cops would send me to jail for killing my best friend and that I’d never see her, or any of you guys, ever again.”

“You were just a child,” I say, forcing my own voice to become softer. “It was obviously an accident. It had to be. I’ve been around you when you have your sleep episodes; nobody can get through to you when you’re stuck in a dream. But they never made you violent, Georgia.” I reach over and squeeze her hands.

My heart feels like it’s being shattered in two. I’ve always wondered why Irene drowned. Like Georgia said, Irene was the strongest swimmer out of all of us. And Georgia had no control over herself when she was trapped in those dreams.

For Georgia to keep this secret all her life...she must have been so lonely and so scared. It doesn’t make it right thatCaroline forced her to lie, to put that type of pressure on a child. That’s unforgivable.

But, if I had a child and this happened to them, I think I might have said anything to make sure they didn’t get sent away.

Does knowing that Georgia was the reason Irene was in the lake in the first place change anything?

No, it doesn’t. Because after all these years, it was still just an accident. A tragic, horrible accident. But an accident nonetheless.

“My little sister’s death wasn’t your fault,” I tell her gently. “I’m sorry that you’ve lived all these years thinking that it was.”

Georgia looks up at me, so many emotions flashing over her features. “How can you say that it wasn’t my fault? I’m the reason she was in the lake! My own mother tried to kill me because she couldn’t live with having a murderer for a daughter! I’ve lived with that guilt my whole life, Ian. I can’t just let it go.”

“Would you want Auden to blame herself if this happened to her? Would you look at her with anything but love if thisaccidenthad happened to her?”

Georgia opens her mouth, then closes it again. Her eyes are glued to mine as she shakes her head back and forth. “No, of course not.” Her voice cracks.

“That’s what I thought,” I tell her, flashing a sad but understanding smile. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, Georgia. I know this isn’t easy; hell, none of the secrets we’ve kept from each other have been easy. Your mother was wrong, and I’m so sorry for what she tried to do to you. I hate that you’ve lived with this for so many years. But thank you for finally telling me the truth about Irene’s death. You aren’t alone anymore.” I run my hands through my hair nervously. “But you might not feel the same way about me once I tell you why I really left you with nothing but a goodbye note six years ago,” I admit.

Those brilliant gray eyes of hers look at me with such a heartbreakingly confused expression. “Ian, I just told you one of the darkest parts of myself, the secret that’s haunted me for decades, and your response was that you don’t blame me.” She crawls into my lap, fitting herself perfectly in my arms, and lays her head against my chest. “There’s nothing you can say that could be worse than what I did, the secret I kept. I won’t let whatever you did ruin this or change my mind about us, either. You can tell me anything, Ian.”

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