Page 50 of In All My Dreams

I wonder which secret he’ll be more heartbroken over: the fact that I’m the one who got his twin sister killed or the one where I lied about Auden being his and stole five years of her life from him.

“Hey, Mommy,” Auden calls out to me. I didn’t realize how lost in my own thoughts I was because her voice feels miles away instead of just inches.

“Yes?” I look down at her. Her face is covered in powdered sugar from the donuts Ian snuck into the snack bag.

“I love you, that’s all,” she says sweetly, making my heart nearly explode. Ian squeezes my hand twice before I look over at him and see that he’s smiling down at Auden.

Smiling down at his daughter.

Everything changes after tonight, and I wonder what will be left to love afterward.

We watch the fireworks in comfortable silence—well, mostly silence. Auden tells us how pretty each color of fireworks is when they explode across the water until the fireworks end.

“All right, Auden. Time for a bath and for bed!” I tell her, clapping my hands on my thighs before I get to my feet. “Ian, I will meet you in the library in about a half hour, okay?”

I’m too nervous to meet his eyes, but I feel them all over me.

“Yeah, sounds good. Good night, Auden.”

Auden rushes him with a giant hug. “Thank you for taking us to the fair today. It was the best day ever,” she says with her face buried into his chest as he wraps her tightly into the hug. She smiles up at him, then takes off running down the dock toward the back door. “Love you, Ian! Good night, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” she shouts before she throws the door open and rushes inside.

“That girl is going to break my heart one day. I just know it,” Ian says, his voice tinged with both joy and sadness.

“Us Harris girls have a knack for doing that, don’t we?” I joke, towing my sandal into the dock as I sway back and forth.

When I look up at Ian, he’s staring into the lake. His hands are tucked into his pockets, and he feels a million miles away.

I place my hand gently on his arm. “I’ll see you in the library, okay?”

His throat bobs as he nods, still staring into the dark abyss that claimed the life of his twin. I place a soft kiss on his cheekbefore I turn away from him, leaving him with his own ghosts for company.

“Mama, I think I really like Ian,” Auden tells me with a mouthful of toothpaste as she brushes her teeth. “Want to know why?”

“Finish brushing your teeth, and then you can tell me all about it,” I tease her, running the hairbrush through her long, dark locks. She has the prettiest hair, and I’m going to take full advantage of little moments like this before she decides to chop it all off and dye it wild colors. I can’t believe one day, this sweet girl is going to be a teenager.

I braid her hair quickly before she rinses her mouth out and spits into the sink.

“Rinse the sink out, please.” I motion toward the bright pink glob of toothpaste clinging for dear life against the porcelain.

Auden and I both watch as the offending glob slides into the drain after a few handfuls of water. She flashes a big smile at me, showing off her pearly whites before she throws her arms around me. “I loved today so much. I wish we could have days like this every single day,” she says wistfully.

I kiss the top of her head. “Me too, kid. Me too. Now off to bed you go.”

Auden grabs my hand and pulls me to her room across the hall. Horton is already waiting for his nighttime cuddles at the foot of her bed.

“Hello, Mr. Horton,” I say and give him a few pets on his little head. His contented purr vibrates the entire bed.

“He’s my guard-kitty. He’s in charge of keeping me safe from the bad one,” Auden tells me as she gets snuggled in under the pink duvet.

I take a shuddered breath, looking around the room nervously. “Auden, honey. Who is the bad one?”

Her giant hazel eyes meet mine, and I swear, I see the color drain from her face, making her freckles look so dark on her pale cheeks. “I don’t know,” she says quietly, chewing on her bottom lip just like Ian does when he’s nervous. “The good ghost tells me to stay away from the bad one, but she never tells me who.” Her voice comes out in a hushed whisper. “But Horton and the good ghost will keep me safe. They always keep me safe when you’re gone,” she says with a small smile.

“The good ghost doesn’t scare you?” I know her “good ghost” is my mother’s ghost, thanks to the photo Auden found in my parents’ bedroom, but I only know her as a terrifying apparition. The idea of Auden seeing her makes every atom in my body on edge.

“No! She’s very nice. She just wants us to be safe from the bad one,” Auden says with a loud yawn. “She’s nice, just like Ian.”

I let out a small chuckle. “Ian is very nice, isn’t he?” A warm feeling spreads through my chest at her words.

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