Page 24 of In All My Dreams

“Do you know where your mom keeps the vinegar?” I ask him, pulling the coffee maker toward me and emptying the reservoir. “I need to run a few cycles through here to get that disgusting taste out so I can enjoy one damn cup of coffee in this place.” I slam the appliance down on the counter, the lack of caffeine and sleep finally hitting me.

Ian starts looking through the cabinets, checking behind all the boxes of food and in the pantry. “I don’t think we have any, but I’ll grab some while I’m out today.”

I groan in frustration, and Ian shoots an amused look at me. “I know I’m being a brat, but this is day three of no coffee, and I feel like I’m going to fall apart if I don’t get something with caffeine in my body immediately.”

“Do you think Auden will be okay up there if we disappear for ten minutes?”

“Depends...what do you have in mind?” I ask, my insides turning to liquid as he looks at me with that heated gaze from under those dark lashes.

“Get your minds out of the gutter.” Mrs. Foster comes into the kitchen in a bright green maxi dress. Her white apron is wrapped snugly around her hips, and she tsks repeatedly under her breath at us. “What’s the matter with the coffee pot?”

Ian greets his mother with a quick kiss on the cheek. “Good morning, Mom.” I don’t miss the way she shrugs his touch off or the defeat in his shoulders because of it. He rubs a nervous hand through his hair, pointedly avoiding my gaze. “As for the coffee pot, something in the coffee tastes off. We were about to go grab a cup from the house and then take Auden to the lake to play for a bit,” Ian tells Mrs. Foster as she busies herself with putting the coffeemaker back in place.

Mrs. Foster freezes, dropping the coffee pot on the counter, causing it to shatter everywhere.

“Mom?” Ian rushes to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She shakes her head harshly, tugging her shoulder out of his grip. “Don’t take that little girl to the lake, Ian,” she whispers. “Please don’t take her there.” Her shoulders slump, and she starts crying silently in front of us.

Of course. The lake would trigger her. Her daughter died in that lake, and there’s no timeline for grief.

“Mrs—Lydia, I’m so sorry. Of course we won’t go there. I don’t know what we were thinking. Why don’t you head home andrelax? Ian and I can clean this mess up.” I grip her shoulders gently, tugging her into a hug as she cries harder into my chest.

“I can’t watch another little girl die in that lake, Georgia. I can’t. I miss her so much, every day,” she cries. “Auden reminds me so much of her. Of my Ire—” She gasps. “The day she stepped into this kitchen and I laid eyes on her, I thought for a moment my sweet girl was back.”

My eyes meet Ian’s over his mother’s shoulder. I can see the heartbreak on his face, making my own heart crack for what I took from this family.

I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be the one comforting this woman.

Especially because I’m the one that took everything from her.

Tears well in my eyes as I stare at Ian. There is so much he doesn’t know, so much he will hate me for when he finds out.

“Come on, Mom. Let me walk you home,” Ian says gently, taking her from my arms and steering her toward the back door. “We’ll talk later, Georgie. Okay?”

I nod my head at him, giving him a sad smile in return.

Before I go fetch Auden, I should clean this mess up. I grab the broom from the closet and sweep up the glass shards from the coffee pot. I guess I’ll take Auden into town and grab a new coffee maker sometime this afternoon.

As I wipe off the counters, I can’t help but wonder what Mrs. Foster would think of me if she knew I was the one responsible for her little girl’s death.

The thought leaves me in chills, and all I want to do is hold my own little girl. Hold her close and never let her go.

My footsteps echo loudly through the empty house as I run up the wooden stairs as quickly as I can. “Auden!” I shout for her. She appears at the top of the stairs, Horton content and calm in her arms as she pets his head. I pull them both into a hug, holding them close as Horton yowls in protest between us.

“I love you, Auden. So much. Never forget that, okay?” I tell her, my mother’s words from her diary echoing in my head.

“I love you, Mama. With my whole body,” she responds. I pull back and give her a questioning look. “My body is bigger than my heart, and I love you that much.” She giggles, releasing the angry Horton finally. “Can we go to the lake later? I want to keep playing,” she says as she’s already heading back into her room.

“How about we go into town for milkshakes instead?” I can’t bear to let her near the lake after everything that happened with Mrs. Foster. I’m sort of surprised that Ian even suggested it in the first place. “Just stay and play until I come get you, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy. Love you!” she yells, then closes her door with a loud click.

I drop my body onto the first step. Tears of frustration and stress build behind my eyes, making my face prickle while I take deep breaths, trying to calm my stupid racing heart. Even though Irene’s death was ruled an accident by the cops when her body was found floating in the lake—nobody knows that it was because of me.

Before the dam in my heart completely breaks open and I let the magnitude of my past actions overwhelm me, I hear glass breaking from down the hall, followed by a loud thump.

“Dad?” I whisper under my breath. I jump up and run down the hall toward his bedroom.

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