Page 22 of In All My Dreams

“Auden! Hi!” I yelp from the floor, trying desperately to untangle myself. My head is inches away from the bed, and when I look up, I see streaks of blood on the white sheets. The image of my mother’s dead corpse comes to mind as I reach forward with a shaky hand to touch it. It’s still slightly damp from hours before.

It wasn’t a dream.

Auden drops Horton onto the bed, then stands over me with her hand on her hips, looking extra annoyed with me. “Mom, you have some explaining to do. Don’t you?”

Ian’s laughter is loud and completely unabashed when I look up at him, begging him for help with my eyes. “Don’t look at me. She’s your daughter!”

If only you knew.

I look back over at Auden, and she crosses her arm over her chest, just like I do when I’m disappointed in her about something. My own fit of laughter bubbles out of my chest at the sight of her. My little five-year-old going on fifteen.

“So you had a sleepover without me?” Auden asks again.

I get to my feet, pulling her down onto the couch with me, squeezing her right between Ian and myself. “We didn’t mean to have a sleepover without you. I promise we won’t do it again, okay?” I glance over at Ian, and he’s still trying to hold his laughter in.

“It’s not fair that you forgot about me,” Auden says, her lower lip starting to tremble.

I pull her into my lap, stroking her hair and her back, soothing her until she hugs me back. “Shh, that’s okay. It’s okay,” I whisper into her hair. “How about you and me have a sleepover tonight? Maybe if we’re together, we won’t have bad dreams anymore.”

She nods her head enthusiastically against my chest. “Can Ian come, too?”

My eyes meet his, and he looks pained as he watches us. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again and shakes his head at me.

“Actually, Ian has big doctor things he has to do tonight. But Horton can sleep with us instead. How about that?” My heart breaks as the lie passes over my lips.

Ian finally stands, stretching all those new muscles of his before he starts walking toward the door.

“Ian?” Auden turns, watching him walk out.

“Yes, Auden?” He pauses at the doorframe, leaning against it, waiting for her to continue.

“Will you come to the sleepover with us if I start screaming again? Last night nobody came.”

My mouth drops open as my eyes flicker back and forth between Ian’s surprised face and Auden.

“Why don’t we all get dressed, and then we can get breakfast and eat down by the lake?” Ian finally says.

Auden jumps out of my lap and runs toward him, wrapping her arms around him. “That sounds like the best plan ever! I’ll wear my prettiest dress!” She releases him and runs to her door across the hall, slamming it loudly behind her.

“I’ll start on breakfast. You get dressed and meet me in the kitchen when you’re ready,” Ian says quickly before disappearing into the hall. He pops his head back in a secondlater. “We need to talk later...about all this.” I nod my head at him, and he leaves again. This time, I hear the office door shut behind him.

My eyes linger on the empty doorway before turning toward the blood splatters on the bed.

What if none of it was a dream?

I get to my feet, shaking off the uneasiness I feel when my eyes catch on the blue diary sitting on the back of the couch. My mother’s words echoing through me, leaving me feeling so incredibly loved, while also feeling so heartbroken for her and my father. I had no idea they were suffering so much. It also leaves me with more questions.

Why would she try to kill me if she loved me so much?

I grab her diary, taking it into the small bathroom with me as I get ready for the day. Maybe Ian can read another entry while we have breakfast and it’ll provide more answers.

Auden comes into my room shortly after I get out of the shower asking if I’ll braid her hair before we meet Ian for breakfast. She looks absolutely adorable in her lilac purple dress. Every time she moves, the sequins sewn in catch the light, making her look like a fairy princess.

I wonder if this is how my mother looked at me when I was her age, with nothing but love in her eyes.

As I brush through her dark locks, I see her eyeing the diary that’s still sitting on the vanity.

“You said you were screaming last night?” I ask her, slowly brushing through her long dark hair.

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