Page 83 of A War Apart

I glanced around, ensuring no one was in earshot. “I have news. Alexey came to see me last night.” I relayed the information he had let slip.

“Good.” She nodded encouragingly. “We had suspicions that Miroslav had an informant. Anything else? Did he mention a name?”

“No. He was…distracted.”

The grin was back. “And why might that be?”

“It was the middle of the night when he came to tell me he was leaving.” I shrugged. “I wasn’t dressed for company, and he’d come to say goodbye. One thing led to another…” I trailed off.

“Did you bed him?”

“Izolda!”

“Well, did you?”

I bit my lip. “Not…exactly.”

Her eyes widened. “What do you mean, ‘not exactly?’ Either you did or you didn’t.”

“No. But we did…other things. Well, he did.” I was sure she could see steam rising from my cheeks.

Her grin was positively wicked. “What sort of things?”

“I amnotdiscussing this.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted.

I looked around again. We were alone. Still, I lowered my voice when I said, “My husband’s not been dead three months. I shouldn’t belookingat another man, let alone letting him into my bed.”

Izolda squeezed my arm. “You’re not a bad person for finding comfort after your husband died. It’s only natural.”

I stopped walking. “I should have stopped him. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I’ve seen Alexey. I know exactly what you were thinking.” She laughed, ignoring my withering look. “You need the distraction. He’s good-looking. And you have him exactly where you wanthim. You didn’t even bed him, and look how much he told you. Imagine what he’d tell you if you did.” Seeing me about to argue, she went on. “If you were going to get squeamish about things like this, the time for it is long past. War means compromise, Fia, and if you think the things they do on the battlefield are bad, the things we have to do to get them there are a hundred times worse. If you want to get us through this war, you have to play dirty.” She let go of my arm. “I need to pass this to our contacts. If a rider leaves today, we can warn the tsar in time to avoid an ambush. I’ll see you tonight for supper, right? The Frozen Boar, our usual time?”

“I’ll be there.”

As Izolda walked away, I pulled the letter from my belt. She was right. I couldn’t afford to have scruples about using Alexey for information. Not if I wanted revenge on Miroslav and his men.

And it wasn’t ass though I felt nothing for Alexey. He was a good man. I enjoyed spending time with him. If I’d met him in another time, another life, I might even have fallen for him.

I opened the letter and began to read.

My dear sun,

I did not wish to leave this morning on the terms we left last night, but I did not know if I would be welcome. I pray you will not see me as a coward for choosing to leave this letter rather than expressing my thoughts in person.

When you were in my arms last night, I was truly the happiest man alive. The taste of your lips is the sweetest memory, and I will wear your touch into battle with me like armor. Would that the thought is as sweet to you as to me, but I fear, given how last night ended, it is not.

I pray you know that my only desire was to give you pleasure. If anything I did caused you grief or pain, it was unconsciously done. Please, if you feel anything at all forme, grant me the opportunity, upon my return, to rectify the wrongs I have committed against you. If my advances were indeed unwelcome, I beg you not to spare me pain by silence, but to break my heart cleanly.

For now, I leave with hope, for my heart remains with you. I look forward to my return, when the sun shall once again light up my life, but until then, I remain,

Faithfully yours,

Alexey

Chapter twenty-nine

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