Page 34 of A War Apart

I grabbed her hand, but she slid the other down my chest instead.

“This isn’t you. You don’t want this.”

“Yes, I do.” She looked up at me through heavy-lidded eyes.

Fuck, I wanted her. It had been so long, and that passionate look on her face, on that stranger’s face, was so familiar, so like Mila.

I shook myself. No. It would be like being with a stranger. “You haven’t let me touch you in weeks, Mila. You’ve hardly even let me kiss you. You can’t expect everything to change just because you’re…” I gestured to her new body.

She huffed and took a seat on the bed. “I just feel different, Han. In my body, as me, every touch reminded me of how they hurt me. But in this body, it’s like all of that was erased. I feel like me again.” Her voice, already deeper in the new body, turned husky. “And I want you.”

The words sent a thrill of forbidden desire through me, followed by guilt and pain. My touch had hurt her, made her feel like those bastards were touching her all over again?

Something niggled at the back of my mind. It didn’t make sense that a simple beating, however brutal, would make her respond like that. Did it?

What else could they have done? They couldn’t have ra— I couldn’t even finish the thought. She wouldn’t have lied to me. They hadn’t touched her like that.

She rose from her seat and wrapped her arms around my neck, twisting her fingers in my hair. “It could be months before we get to be with each other again. I don’t want to leave things like they have been. Please.”

I’d have to be a saint to resist her. With a groan, I let her pull the shirt over my head and run a hand down my muscled chest. Even her hands felt different, softer than Mila’s garden-callused hands. She tugged my pants off, leaving me naked before her.

“Help me out of these clothes?”

I moved slowly, hesitatingly as I untied her apron and let it fall to the floor, followed by her skirt. Her shift clung tight to the new body, which was shorter and rounder than her own. I found myself looking away in discomfort.

She touched my cheek. “Look at me, Han.” I did. “Please. Don’t leave me like this.”

I traced her new face. The eyes were different, but the expressions, the person behind them, were the same. “You’ll come back to me, won’t you?”

She pulled me down onto the bed next to her. “Give me something to come back to.”

She kissed me again, then. Her plump lips tasted like honey. My hand roamed her body, reveling in the strange new sensations. Mila fit perfectly in my arms, but this stranger’s body was soft, molding against me. Pleasure and shame warred within me. This wasn’t my wife. How could I be finding enjoyment in a stranger’s body? But it had been so long since we’d been together. She moaned as my fingers found a nipple.

I needed her. Desperately. I straddled her, deepening our kiss, pinning her to the bed.

She froze. Every muscle in her body went taut, and her breath came in short gasps.

I scrambled off the bed. Had I hurt her? Her eyes were wild and unfocused.

“Mila?”

She let out a whimper, but her gaze focused on me. She reached out, chin quivering.

Thank Otets. I’d expected her to push me away again. I gathered her onto my lap and pressed a gentle kiss to the small, textured curls on her head. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head, breaths still short but growing more even. “I’m sorry. I just need a minute.”

“You’re safe.” I rubbed circles on her back. “You’re safe.”

We lay there for a few minutes in silence. Gradually, the tension in her body eased and her breathing became normal. I leaned down to brush my lips against hers.

The moment our mouths touched, she pulled me in closer, deepening the kiss. Her tongue flicked out, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“What are you doing?”

“Continuing where we left off.” She trailed a finger down my chest. Lower.

I bit back a gasp as she palmed my length. “You just panicked. We can’t keep going.”

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