Page 130 of A War Apart

I woke with a jolt. Sitting up, I looked around the room. What had woken me? Han was gone, and the dim light coming through the window told me it was only dawn.

As I swung my feet over the side of the bed, I paused. My skin was lighter, a tawny brown that was new and familiar all at once. I touched my hair—long and straight, no longer the tight, textured curls I’d become accustomed to.

Borislav was dead.

Prince Radomir—Tsar Radomir—had had him executed. After all we’d sacrificed to bring Borislav to the throne, he was dead.

He’d earned his death. Still, we’d given up so much for him, only to see his cousin on the throne instead. Borislav wasn’t right for the tsardom, but would Radomir be any better?

And with Borislav’s death, Sofia died, too. The woman I’d been for half a year, the name and body I’d worn, was dead. I’d more than taken Sofia’s body; I’d become a whole new person at court.

I dressed quickly, slipping on my shoes. They were loose. All my clothes were, but they’d have to do. Izolda would be with her mother in the trade quarters, where the Drakra had been housed following the battle. I needed to talk to my friend.

If Izolda was still my friend. She’d been Sofia’s friend, but Sofia was well and truly dead now. How would Izolda feel about the sudden change?

I stopped at the door, heart pounding. It was closed. What if Han had locked me in here again? I couldn’t bear that. Notagain. I didn’t know what I would do if he’d trapped me in here like he had when he went to face Borislav.

I put a hand to the latch and pulled. It swung open, and a wave of relief crashed over me. I was free.

Two gray-skinned Drakra women stood at the entrance to the trade quarters, fur coats draped over their shoulders. They held their spears upright and watched me as I approached.

“I’m looking for Izolda. Izolda…na Xhela?” That was her Drakra name, right? She’d told me once.

One of the women disappeared into the building. She returned with Izolda.

“Can I help you?” my friend asked.

I bit my lip. “Can I speak with you privately?”

She nodded, her brow knit together, and walked with me in the direction of the gardens. “I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

I took a deep breath. “It’s me. Sofia.”

She stared. A grin split across her face. “Fia! Or should I bow and use your full name now? Spider’s Blood, I didn’t even think about you getting your old body back. Is it weird?”

I could have wept with relief at the normalcy in her tone. “You have no idea. And my name’s Mila. If you bow, I might vomit.” I looped my arm through hers.

“But your scarred stud is Han Antonovich, the Survivor of Barbezht, right? You’re practically married to royalty!”

I cringed. Han was the last thing I wanted to think about right now. “If you start calling me Lyudmila Dmitrievna, wife of the Survivor of Barbezht, I’ll have to start calling you Izolda na Xhela, daughter of the Mandible.”

She groaned. “Please don’t. I get enough of that from them.” She jerked her thumb in the direction of the Drakra quarters. “I think I’ll still call you Fia, if that’s okay. It suits you.”

A rush of warmth spread through me. “Please do. I feel like…” I sighed. “I think I wasn’t ready to give up being Sofia. Thelast time I was me—the last time I was Mila, I mean—I was so broken. Being Sofia helped me heal somehow. And then everything got so complicated with Alexey, and we left, and I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

We’d reached the gardens. She stopped next to a snow-covered shrub and gave me a look that was half amusement, half exasperation. “You have a real penchant for drama, you know?”

I blinked at her, stunned. Whatever I’d been expecting her to say, that wasn’t it. “What?”

“You’re still you, you idiot. You were you when you were Mila, you were you when you were Sofia, and you’re still you now.” She sighed heavily. “It doesn’t matter what body you’re in or who you’re with. Yes, being at court changed you. People change; it’s what we do. But you didn’t become another person entirely. You just need to find out what you want now.”

“What if I don’t know what that is?”

I might have, once. At one time, I would have gone through anything to come back to Han. I’d chosen him, despite his injury, despite my family’s objections, despite his status as traitor. But something had changed in those months we were apart.He’dchanged. And I had. When I’d discovered he was alive, my first reaction hadn’t been joy—it had been dread. Dread for what it meant for me and Alexey.

And now he’d broken my trust. After so many months apart, after all I’d faced for him, for us, when it mattered most, he’d left me locked in that room. He’d gone to face Borislav without me, imprisoning me. He’d treated me like a child.

“I think you do,” Izolda said softly.

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