Page 186 of Fallen Princess: Shadow Stalker

I nod my head, “For five years.”

“Did you….” She hesitates, takes the coffee mug in her hand, and spins it slowly as she formulates her thoughts to a question. “Did you have to kill people?”

I knew we’d have to have this talk, but I needed Eden to initiate it because it isn’t the kind of discussion one just throws out.

“Kill in action,” I correct. “Yes, I did. It was part of what I trained for and something sometimes unavoidable when conducting a rescue mission.”

“And did it bother you? How did you deal with it?” Her voice is soft and curious, and I’m glad she’s asking all the right questions. It tells me how ready she is to deal with her trauma.

“Well, military training often includes psychological preparation to help soldiers cope with the mental and emotional challenges of combat, including the act of taking a life. But regardless, one’s first kill might throw a person, irrespective of training, through a range of emotions, including shock, guilt, remorse, or even a sense of accomplishment, depending on the situation. These emotions can be overwhelming, and soldiers may struggle to process them."

“And what do they do when they can’t deal with it?” she asks with genuine curiosity.

“Soldiers often rely on the support of their fellow unit members. The bonds formed within a military unit are strong, and soldiers may find solace and understanding from those who have experienced similar situations.”

She stops spinning her mug but hasn’t looked up to face me.

“How do you feel about what you had to do?” I ask, carefully observing her face.

She shrugs her shoulder and thinks about my question.

“I don’t know, that’s just it,” she finally admits. “When I plunged Callum’s knife into that man’s neck, I did it without much thought. He held a gun to Brittney’s forehead and was going to shoot her. I didn’t think. I acted on impulse. But at the same time, I knew I had a hidden knife and would use it. So does that count as pre-meditated?”

“It counts as self-defense,” I say firmly. “You were given no other way out of the predicament you were in, so youtook the chance fate gave you, and you saved yours and your friend’s life. There was nothing you could have done better. Because of your action, your best friend is alive.”

“But, what if I enjoyed it? Stabbing him as if he were a piece of meat and bones on a cutting board. Does that make me a psychopath too?”

“No, it makes you human. That individual did despicable things to you. Things no person should have born upon them, and it was a matter of kill or be killed. You drew pleasure from claiming your life back and saving your friend. Don’t confuse that with the kind of shit that psycho derived from.”

She drums her fingers on the marble, her face tilted down in thought, and I wait patiently for her to let me in further.

“I killed men,” she finally says. “Lots of them. Do you think the others will think differently of me?”

“Differently, but not in how you might think we do,” I reach out and take her hand. “Look at me, Eden. You need to see the genuine emotion on my face with what I want to tell you.”

She turns to face me, somewhat reluctantly, and I know she’s afraid of what we’ll think of her after her ordeal, so I let go of her hand and stand up next to her, cup one side of her face, and lock eyes with hers. If I allowed myself to, I could get completely lost in those green jewels, but now isn’t the time.

“We all think you’re one of the bravest people we know. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and your friend. Not many people could have done what you did. You’re a hero to us. What you feel is normal, but never ever doubt how we feel about you. And if what you did still bothers you, then we’ll help you get counseling. Whatever you need, we’ll be right next to you, supporting you as the men who love and think the world of you. You will never be alone in this.”

“We got your back, babe,” I add as a final confirmation.

She blinks but remains silent, and I move my hand to hold her chin between my fingers.

“Got it, Eden?”

“Yes.”

“Never doubt how much we love you. You’re it for us, darling. You have our hearts and souls to keep.”

Her eyes drop to my mouth, and I use that opportunity to lean forward and finalize our discussion by claiming her lips. I kiss herwith the sweetness of passion and a million loving thoughts condensed into a single moment.

I pull away from her and brush my nose against hers, up and down, in a way that I know she finds impossibly soothing by the way her entire body melts against mine.

“Thank you,” she whispers, and I pull her against my chest, wishing I could yank out all that pain and trauma she’ll forever carry with her.

A phone buzzes, and I look around, knowing I left mine upstairs.

Upon realizing it’s coming from the coffee table in the living room area, I see Eden’s bag and phone across the room.

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