Page 101 of Crowned

Get yourself together, Lilia.

You’re a mother now.

I wipe my eyes and take my first good look at her, my heart pounding as I wonder which of my men’s features I’ll see in her face along with mine.

She looks like…a baby. A perfect little baby with blue eyes, a button nose, and tiny rosebud lips. Her hair is sparse and dark.

“She’s perfect,” Kirill breathes, and then glances to Konstantin and Elyah on his left and right. “Who will hold her first?”

Elyah is staring at the baby like he can’t believe she’s real. Then he pats his friend’s shoulder. “You first.”

My heart turns over and my eyes prickle with tears again. Of course Elyah would give this moment to one of the others. I glance at Konstantin.

“Go ahead, Kirill,” Konstantin murmurs, leaning over to press his lips against my cooling brow. “You’re magnificent,malyshka.”

Kirill smiles down at the baby, his curls falling into his eyes. If I hadn’t heard about his past, I wouldn’t be able to believe that a man like Kirill could be happy about a baby.

“You are loud, little baby,” Kirill murmurs. “Good. Keep it up. You are strong like your fathers.”

He kisses her forehead and then passes her carefully to Elyah.

Elyah can’t seem to find any words. He just stares at her, touching her nose, her cheeks, her tiny fingers with the tip of his forefinger.

“What will we call her?” he asks softly.

“I would like to call her Viktoria. Mybabulya’sname.”

“So, you will teach her to run rings around her papas, just as her mother does?” Konstantin asks.

“You think there is any chance she won’t learn how all by herself?” I say, amused.

Konstantin shakes his head, grinning. “She will be so spoiled, this little girl. God help us all.”

“Baby Viktoria, you have three fierce papas to protect you and spoil you. Are you the luckiest little baby in the world?” Elyah asks her.

“She is,” Konstantin says, holding out his arms as Elyah hands her his way. He meets my eyes. “Here is my diamond.”

Exhausted, happy, I can’t help but smile at him.

“She is perfect,solnyshko,” Elyah murmurs, and presses his mouth to mine. “As beautiful as her mother.”

* * *

The three ofthem are keen to know how to look after the baby, but they’re as clueless as me. We’re all only children or the youngest in our families, and we have never so much as changed a diaper.

Thankfully, Konstantin thought to hire a nanny for the first month, and she patiently teaches all of us what the hell we’re supposed to do with this tiny, adorably, shockingly loud little baby. Even with all the extra pairs of hands, I barely sleep because the sound of Viktoria crying can shock me out of slumber. Breastfeeding is hard. Pumping is hard. Trying to stick to any sort of schedule is hardest of all because Viktoria has her own ideas about that. She’s extremely demanding, so she’s taking after all her fathers at once.

I have no idea who put her inside of me, but at three in the morning when she’s thrown up on me again, I blame them all.

At the same time, it’s the most wonderful experience of my life. I stand over her crib and stare at her, twisting and turning the elephants and tigers in their bowties for her amusement.

At the end of the month, Konstantin tells me we can keep the nanny for as long as I want, but I insist that, with their help, I can do it myself.

So, the nanny leaves, and the same week, all those happy pregnancy and new mother hormones fade away. Everything seems twice as hard as usual, and the sleep deprivation is turning me into the walking dead.

Viktoria has decided sleep is for the weak, and so I pace the halls of the house with her in my arms, hoping she’ll settle.

I worry about Konstantin’s migraines and the baby’s screams, and so I avoid him while Viktoria is crying. Which is most of the time she’s awake.

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