Page 95 of Crossed Sticks

And there it was, the core of what I’d been agonizing over during the weeks at camp. “No. But before I ever knew you, Manny did, and later, Simon did. They hurt me terribly, and I never dealt with it the right way. So, I judged you because of their actions and assumed history was repeating itself. I’ve thought about this, and I need to see someone to help me work it out.”

“You should. I’ll be seeing a therapist to help me deal with my shit, too, and we can support each other.”

“I’d like that.”

Silence settled between us while people talked in the hallway and phones rang in the distance. Luca eventually said, “I want to be with you, too, Harp, but I have another question. Your answer won’t scare me away, but I need to know. I’m sorry if it sounds bad.”

What now?Frustration gripped me as I understood how Luca must have felt when I wouldn’t say things were okay. “What is it?”

“I understand why you reacted the way you did to start with, and I think I get why you went to D.C. But if you really cared about my feelings, why wouldn’t you talk to me while you were at training camp? I know you were busy, but if my feelingsmattered, why didn’t you share what you were thinking? If you had questions about what I did, you should have asked.”

I hesitated, hoping the answer would make sense. “I wasn’t deciding whether I wanted you when I was at camp. I wanted us to be together, but I was trying to decide if I was good enough for you. I was so caught up in my fears that I didn’t think enough about your feelings. I’ll try to learn from that mistake, too.”

He reached for my hand and gave me a little smile. “Fair enough. Sounds like we both have a lot to work on.”

He was right that some hard work lay ahead, but it might be easier if he knew how I felt about him. My heart pounded as I gathered my courage. Uncertainty about his reaction was mixed with excitement, and I raised his hand to my lips for a kiss. “I love you, Luca. If you’ll give me another chance, I promise to do everything in my power to never hurt you like this again.”

He didn’t move, and when he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “Please say that again. Just the very first part.”

I nodded and squeezed his hand. “I love you.”

His eyes widened, and a whoosh of air left him as he looked toward the ceiling. When he lowered his head, his eyes were brimming with tears. He let out a relieved sigh, and a grin spread across his face. “That’s the best thing I ever heard. I love you too, Harp.”

My heart rattled. “We can fix this, then? Go back to being us?”

“You bet your hockey butt we can. If we work together, there’s nothing we can’t do.”

The relief was overwhelming. Our eyes locked, and I took the first good breath I’d had in weeks. Luca moved closer, and when our lips met, a shiver ran through me. We’d kissed earlier, but this was different. Now, we were determined to make thingswork because we were in love, and our desire to be together was stronger than what had driven us apart.

I opened for him, and we wrapped our arms around each other as our tongues met. When he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss, we moaned with relief. He moved a hand to my lap and squeezed my cock, and I dropped one of my hands to squeeze him, too.

With a start, he broke the kiss and backed away. “Not here, babe. We need to stop before we get carried away, but I want you so much.”

“Fuck.” Already breathless, I whispered, “Want you, too.”

After a moment, he smiled. “I’ll make it up to you as soon as I get out of here.”

“We’ll have to wait for it this time.”

He nodded. “It’ll be good for us. We never did that before.” After a short pause, he broke into a conspiratorial grin. “I have an idea to make it even better.”

“I’m all ears.”

“We both hate condoms, so let’s get tested. I’m sure they can do it while I’m here, and it shouldn’t be any trouble for you to find a place. Then we could…”

The suggestion did nothing to make my dick go down, and I smiled while I completed his sentence. “Make love without anything between us. I’ll go tomorrow.”

He bounced his eyebrows. “I’ll ask a nurse. When I get out of here, we’ll have an incredible homecoming.”

A glance at his lap revealed he was as excited about the idea as I was, so I leaned in and took another quick kiss. “We should think about something else for now. Do they have any games we could play?”

“Board games and a Nintendo. There’s an old Wii, too. Let’s go see what we can find.”

I nodded, and he kissed me again. I couldn’t stop smiling while we held each other because we were going to be okay. Luca was right—if we worked together, there was nothing we couldn’t do.

38/

luca

---