Page 87 of Crossed Sticks

“Fuck, Caleb.” I groaned and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Don’t you understand you were only hurting me more? I needed to heal so I could find someone to be happy with, and you’ve held me back. I’m beginning to understand, but why did you say such insulting things about Harper? And while we’re at it, did you want to hurt him a couple of weeks ago? It sure seemed like you did.”

He dropped his chin and sighed. Unwilling to say anything until he answered me, I looked around the small area where we sat. A sickly-looking philodendron sat on the floor near the window, and a few dusty books on a side table looked like no one had touched them for years. A stained cowboy print hung crookedly on the wall, completely out of place. Faded blue carpet and a box of tissues next to the ratty books completed the furnishings.

With my inventory done, I was tired of waiting. “Caleb? Please answer my question.”

After another sigh, he raised his head and gave me a pleading look. “I guess I always pictured you with someone more like me, so as soon as you started talking about a hockey player, I got scared. I was used to hearing about your hookups, but it was obvious you felt strongly about Harper. You already liked him, and I thought if I could keep you from getting in too deep, you wouldn’t be so hurt when he moved on.”

I was unprepared for how much that hurt. “What made you so certain that would happen?”

“I wasn’t, but I was afraid he’d hurt you. I wondered if he may have been trying to use you, but more than that, I thought he could be one of those guys who go through people.”

Pressing my lips together, I tried to quell the irritation working its way around inside me. Surely, Caleb didn’t think I could only attract men who were assholes. “Why would you assume this about someone you’d never met—someone you could already tell I liked?”

“To be honest, I looked him up on the web, and his social media hardly ever shows him with the same person twice. Most of them are women, too.”

I scoffed. “That stuff is all old, from his college days. I know he dated women then, and he’s shown me his social media. He said he was going to delete it, but that wasn’t long before you came to town. I think I’d better remind him.”

“I noticed the pics were older, but just because he wasn’t posting anymore didn’t mean he’d changed.”

“There was nothing to change. People were hurting him, not the reverse.”

Caleb spent a moment inspecting his nails before answering. “Okay, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. But I care about you, and I suppose I’ve never thoroughly processed things. Apparently, I’m not the most thoughtful person, and I’ve been unfair to you and Daniel both. He and I fought because he said I was still too involved in your life, and now I find out you’ve thought so, too.” He paused before saying, “I guess I have been.”

Since he’d ignored one thing I asked, I repeated the question. “Were you trying to hurt Harper? Chase him away?”

“No. I admit I had doubts, and I wanted to see him for myself. I figured if I still had a bad feeling after meeting him, I could give you concrete reasons why. But I was so upset afterDaniel and I argued, it was hard to think about anything else. I liked Harper, as much as I could tell.”

“Then why the hell were you so cold that morning? You must have seen how upset he was, and you fucking offered him coffee.”

“Do you know me at all?” He’d raised his voice again, but immediately held up his free hand in apology. “I’m like the walking dead in the morning. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, and I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

His eyes were fixed on mine, and he looked sincere. Caleb had always been foggy when he woke up. Over the last several minutes, anger and frustration had driven us to say some harsh words about things we should have discussed years earlier. Although he’d first denied what I said, he finally admitted the truth. When you’ve been close to someone for years, you develop a good sense of when they’re being dishonest. “I believe you,” I said. “Thanks for telling me the truth.”

His forehead relaxed, and he breathed out a relieved sigh. “About everything?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, Luki. Please forgive me for not treating you the way I should’ve.”

My heart fluttered. Those were words I’d needed to hear from him for years, and I couldn’t hold in my emotions. I burst into tears, and he let go of my hand and pulled me close. He was finally seeing me, acknowledging my pain, and a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. After I calmed down, I pulled back enough to see his eyes. “I forgive you, but this can’t happen again. You’ve got to let me live my own life.”

“I promise.” He handed me some tissues from the side table. After I dried my eyes, he reached for my hand again. “I’ll be more sensitive to your feelings, and if you ever get hurt, I’ll be there to help pick up the pieces.” He squeezed my hand. “Things willwork out for you and Harper. I could tell you two were in love when I was there. I even thought about how funny it was that neither of you realized it yet.”

My stomach relaxed a little. “What should I do, Cale? I love him so much.”

“You have to tell him. You both deserve a chance to be happy, and I hope he’ll realize how lucky he is to have you.”

“I need to go see him. It takes about three hours to drive to their camp. Will you go with me?”

“Where are they?”

“Rocky River, Ohio. Outside Cleveland.”

He shook his head. “The nurse said you can’t leave until tomorrow, and I still don’t think you should.”

“I’ve got to tell him in person. Even if I can get him on the phone, who tells someone they’re in love that way? Let’s just leave now. What can the nurses do if I walk out, call the police?”

He rubbed his mouth. “They might, Luca.”

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