Page 80 of Crossed Sticks

I was desperate to see Luca. It had been almost three weeks, and just when I finally realized what an idiot I’d been and how much I wanted to fix things between us, he’d stoppedresponding to my texts. I hadn’t heard from him for days, and I was getting worried.

Holky started to close the door, but Gabe pushed it open before the lock clicked. “Give up on me?”

“Did we have plans?” My voice had an edge I hadn’t intended.

Gabe closed the door and looked at me. “We want to talk, Harpy.”

I shook my head. “I’m too fucking tired. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Holky raised his eyebrows. “Like we did today?”

“Shit.” I’d forgotten they already made me promise to talk. Sitting up seemed much harder than it should have been. “What do you want?”

Holky claimed the chair, and Gabe sat beside me on the bed.

Angling himself to face me, Gabe tapped my knee. “You may not want to talk to us, but you need to. Something is eating you up from the inside out. We know it has to do with Luca, and Holky and I have had plenty of romance troubles of our own. We might have some good advice, but even if we don’t, you won’t be alone.”

“I already know you have my back.”

Holky shifted around, trying to get comfortable in the small chair. “We do. Now tell us what has you so worked up so we can all focus on playing hockey.”

“You’re an amazing player,” Gabe said, catching my eyes. “But every day you become a little less like the star we played with all summer.”

“And that’s a goddamn fucking shame,” Holky said, “because we need that guy, and you need tobehim.”

I placed my fists on either side of my head, wishing I could push hard enough to do some damage. First, I wasn’t good enough for Luca, and now I wasn’t doing my best for the Warriors. I eyed the door, wondering how far I’d get if I startedrunning. Gabe and Holky remained silent, and quick glances revealed they both had me in their crosshairs. I wondered what I could say to make them leave me alone. Whatever I told them, I needed to respect Luca’s privacy.

Sweat beaded on my forehead as I pieced together a series of half-truths and evasions. I could say Luca and I had a fight that made us wonder if our relationship was only a summer fling. The last part was a horrible lie. Luca wanted to keep going and put what happened behind us, and though I’d been unsure about how I wanted to handle things when I left Buffalo, I now knew I’d been stupid to believe I should wait. But I could tell Holky and Gabe that Luca and I were thinking things over while I was at camp, and we’d decide what to do when I returned home.

Since I was a terrible liar, pulling this off would be difficult enough without seeing anyone’s eyes. I focused on the wall over Holky’s head and opened my mouth, stunned by the rush of words that immediately jumped out. “It’s a fucking train wreck. Luca and I were so happy all summer, like we were meant to be together. I looked forward to waking up every day so I could spend it with him, and he felt the same way. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Life was amazing, and I was starting to…”

“Did something happen in Maine?”

Gabe’s question caught me by surprise, and I realized how completely I’d walled myself off the last three weeks. “We didn’t even fucking go.”

“Why?”

I looked into Holky’s warm eyes. “Something happened. His best friend came to town, and I thought… Shit, I acted like an asshole. I accused Luca of cheating on me and then left town in a big huff.”

Gabe placed a hand on my arm, and when I turned to look at him, he raised an eyebrow. “Was your accusation correct?”

My heart started drumming. “No. What happened pushed every button I had, and I jumped to conclusions like a goddamn fool. I went to D.C. to stay with friends. Luca and I texted, but not much. The day before training camp started, I went back to Buffalo, and we talked. I’d hurt him, too, so we were both in bad shape.”

“Did he want to break up?” Gabe asked.

“Not at all. He admitted what he did looked bad, and we apologized to each other for what had happened. He said we should move forward and learn from our mistakes.”

The chair squeaked as Holky shifted positions again. “But that didn’t happen?”

Remorse spilled over me in a suffocating wave as I remembered how stubborn I’d been, insisting I had to think things over. Luca’s broken expression while I drove away had haunted me ever since, and my stupidity had grown into an unbearable weight. “I was ashamed and afraid. I was also a fucking fool, telling him I needed to think about why I’d reacted so badly. I said I needed to get myself together before we could think about moving on.”

Holky groaned. “Shit, man. No wonder you’re hurting so much.”

“Have you talked to him since we got here?” Gabe asked.

“No.” My heart broke into a jagged tattoo, and though I tried to relax, I got dizzy.

“Easy, Harpy.” Gabe scooted closer and wrapped his arm around me. “Breathe.”

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