Page 75 of Crossed Sticks

The weightof my emotions nearly knocked me off my feet. I’d onlythoughtI was nervous when I was waiting for Harp. Seeing him brought back all the hurt I’d felt over the last week, but those feelings paled in comparison to the massive relief of being near him again. I broke into a smile and lunged forward, eager to hold him and praying he’d say this nightmare could end. I sank into him when he returned the hug, but he pulled away too soon, leaving me breathless and yearning for more.

He had a tan, so he’d been outside enjoying the sun. His hair was a little longer, perhaps lighter, and a new crease marred his forehead. Had he been as worried as I was? As our eyes met, I remembered how I’d slept until yesterday afternoon, then whooped with joy when I found his message saying he was coming home. I climbed out of bed and forced myself to eat. Since I canceled Derrick’s visit on Wednesday—he was the guy who cleaned my apartment—I spent this morning straightening up. I even changed the sheets, just in case.

I managed a few bites of pizza even though I didn’t have much of an appetite. The nausea that had plagued me all week was gone, but now my stomach felt like a clenched fist. While we ate, Harp told me about his friend Eckie. I tried to listen, butsudden knee jerks and mindless fidgeting with a fork gave away my jitters.

He sat back in his chair after finishing two slices of pizza. “We’re both nervous, Luca, but why aren’t you eating?”

“Always been hard for me when I’m scared.”

He widened his eyes. “Don’t be afraid of me. I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, either. Are you finished eating?”

“At least for now. Thanks for the delicious pizza.”

“Good old Scionti’s.” My mouth went dry as a bone, and I reached for my water and drank half the bottle. “Want to go talk? I can’t think about anything else.”

“Let’s do it.”

In the living room, I sat on the couch while he claimed a nearby chair. I would have felt better if he’d sat next to me, but one step at a time. After a deep breath, I started us off. “I missed you so much, and I feel terrible about what happened.”

“I missed you, too.” His neutral expression slipped into seriousness. “I need to know something, and please tell me the truth. Lying won’t help either of us.”

I nodded, more nervous than I’d been before my first professional game.

“Did you have sex with Caleb last weekend? I don’t mean only fucking, but any kind of sexual contact.”

“No, absolutely not. I wouldn’t do that to us. I know I screwed up by staying there all night, and if I’d been down here when you woke up, we’d have spent this last week having fun in Maine. Don’t think I haven’t regretted my stupid decision a thousand times each day. A million times. I didn’t touch Caleb, and what you saw… I know it looked bad.” My voice croaked like a toad. When Harper remained silent, I swallowed and kept talking. “Itlookedbad, but it wasn’t what it seemed. I swear, Harp. You’ve got to believe me.”

Silence stretched between us, growing so taut I had a crazy idea it might break. Harper’s sharp eyes made me squirm, but I held his gaze. I was afraid if I looked away, he’d think I was lying.

“I believe you,” he finally said.

Relief washed over me like a tidal wave, overwhelming me so much I doubled over. I braced my hands on my knees as my heart hammered in my chest.We’ll be okay. He believes me.“Thank God,” I whispered, straightening up. “You mean everything to me.”

As quickly as I’d felt relief, dread returned. If he believed me, why wasn’t he smiling? “What’s wrong, Harp? Tell me.”

“I hurt you, too, jumping to conclusions. I should’ve trusted you more, and I was an ass to leave before we could talk.”

“Neither of us was thinking normally. Caleb was a wreck, and the way he showed up out of the blue was enough to throw anybody.”

“I should’ve trusted you more, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

I got off the couch and knelt in front of him. He let me take his hand. “I forgive you, and I’m sorry for being so stupid.”

“You weren’t stupid. Staying up there wasn’t a good decision, but Caleb was a mess, and you were trying to be there for him. I told you to go back upstairs and talk. You did nothing wrong, and I’m sorry I acted like a bastard just because things looked suspicious. I should’ve let you explain before I left for D.C.”

I squeezed Harp’s hand, enjoying the familiar softness. “Thank you for understanding, but I should have done better. It won’t happen again. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I learn from my mistakes.”

His wan smile did little to reassure me. “Sit down, Luca. I have something to say.”

The bottom dropped out of my stomach. Swallowing hard, I reluctantly let go of his hand and moved back to the couch.Before he could speak, I said, “I like you so much, and this week has only made that clearer.”

“I like you, too. Maybe more than you realize.”

He sighed heavily and stared at the floor while he collected his thoughts. My chest tightened because I didn’t know what to expect. He had a right to say anything he wanted, but if we liked each other so much and he believed me, what was the problem? We needed to move on and put this all in the past. Though I tried to sit still, one of my feet tapped the floor while the opposite knee jiggled. I regretted eating any of the pizza because it was like lead in my stomach.

He finally raised his head. “I don’t want you to think I don’t care for you. We’ve had a wonderful time this summer, and you’ve made me feel so much. Incredible sex, amazing emotions, unbelievable happiness. But last weekend turned things upside down.”

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