Page 70 of Crossed Sticks

We were getting nowhere, and there would be no hope of progress if we kept snapping at each other. Afraid it would irritate him if I said the sheets were so wrinkled because he and I had fucked there all week, I lowered my voice. “I was planning to come down here and wake you this morning. I would have if I hadn’t overslept.”

“What made you so sure I was asleep to begin with? I stayed up waiting for you.” His voice was a bit softer, but he inched forward again, forcing me to back up. “And why didn’t you come down anyway? You were my boyfriend. It’s not like I’d have minded you waking me up.”

Iwashis boyfriend? Past tense?“I looked for my phone and realized I must have left it down here. It was very late, and I knew you’d have come to see what was wrong if you were still up.”

“Fuck that!” He pushed me aside and tossed his shoes on the floor next to the bed, then went to the window. He opened the blinds and looked out, standing with his back to me.

Since crowding him had made him angry, I gave him space. “It’s true, Harp. I made a huge mistake, but I’m telling you the truth.”

He turned, looking furious. “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for you. Iknewthis would happen. Get out of here. I don’t want to see you.”

In a flash, I remembered what Harper’s ex had told him: “You’re a good guy, but you’re not a keeper.”My heart collapsed on itself, and I reached for him. “Come here.”

He batted my arms away. Tears filled his eyes, and his expression morphed into that of a hurting kid.

I took a long, centering breath. “Harp, after what we’ve become to each other, won’t you give me the benefit of the doubt? Don’t throw away what we have.”

“What was it we had, exactly? A fantasy, like one of the books? Deep down, I knew you were still in love with Caleb.”

“I’m not.” I grasped his arms, and when he didn’t shake my hands away, I kept talking. “I haven’t loved Caleb for a long time. I knew that, but I was too confused to know what my feelings were. It took you to help clarify things, so please let me explain it to you.” I looked into Harp’s glimmering eyes. My hands were still on his arms, and my knees shook. Clammy sweat trickled down the back of my neck.

“How long is Caleb staying?” he asked.

“He’s already gone. Flew back to Chicago this afternoon.”

Harper pulled his arms free and closed his eyes. He took several breaths before opening them again, and when he did, his gaze was slightly warmer. “I’m going out of town, but I’ll talk to you when I get back.”

“Can’t we talk now?”

“I said, we’ll talk after I get back. I’m too raw right now. I wouldn’t be able to truly hear anything you say, much less process it.”

“Please don’t go while things are like this.”

“Luca…” He moaned and shook his head. “I’m not giving up on us. What we had meant everything, and we deserve a chance to sort things out before we walk away from it.”

“Then why?—”

His voice rose. “Goddammit, can’t you hear me? Talking now will only make things worse. I’ll be back next Sunday, and we can talk then.”

My stomach tanked. “You’re leaving for a week?”

He gripped my arms, and his voice dropped to a low growl. “I’m furious and hurt, and this is dredging up every failed relationship I’ve ever had. There’s a storm inside me right now, and if I don’t get through it, I’ll never be able to think clearly. I’m not giving up on us, but I need time.”

I nodded, realizing he wasn’t going to change his mind. “Where are you going?”

His eyes darted around before locking onto mine. “D.C.”

At least he wasn’t going to a beach resort where he’d be surrounded by a thousand horny gay men ready to jump his bones. “Can I text you while you’re gone?”

He hesitated. “Don’t blow up my phone. And don’t count on many replies.”

“But you said?—”

“Isaidwe’ll talk when I get back.”

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harper

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