Page 54 of Crossed Sticks

“Damn. Not sure I could go two years.”

“Things obviously had to change, and boy, did they. I started drinking too much, did a lot of things I’m not proud of, and made every bad decision there was to make. I was terrified of men because I didn’t want to get my heart wrecked again, so it’s been…”

After a moment of silence, Harper finished the sentence for me: “One empty hookup after another? I’m all too familiar with that.”

“You nailed it.”

He pulled us to another stop and faced me. “Sounds like a horrible time, but you seem to be doing better now. I’ll help any way I can.”

“You already are.” I could have said so much more, but my thudding pulse drowned out everything but the need to be close to him. He must have felt the same, because we wrapped each other in a big hug. Emotions crested between us as we kissed, holding each other close as our hearts pounded chest to chest. I definitely had more to tell him, and when we got home, I would say it in a very physical way.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. How could I have been such a fool for years? It was time to act like I had a brain and take advantage of the opportunity that was right in front of me. I’d never had a man who was mine. The closest I ever came was with Caleb, which wasn’t close at all.

He claimed to be my best friend, but was he really? Could a best friend truly have been as ignorant about my feelings as he’d claimed to be, or had it been more convenient to ignore them? If he didn’t recognize what I felt, he’d never have to deal with it. Hecould go on getting sex from me whenever he wanted—and he’d wanted it a lot.

Even after the spring term began, after he knew Daniel was at Marlowe, he kept leading me on. Until it came out that he was in love with Daniel, we still sometimes slept in the same bed, but he always kept things just shy of sex. We’d kiss and touch each other, he’d moan and get excited… but always, right before making out became fucking, he’d turn off like someone flipped a light switch.

His obliviousness had continued ever since. I helped Daniel get a job—thank you, Luca, you’re such a good friend.I helped them move even though I was so depressed I couldn’t eat—wow, Luca, is there someone special who has you so out of sorts?I was even Caleb’s best man at their wedding—gosh, Luca, it’s great you and Daniel are close because it makes it easier for us to be friends.Through the years, I’d done everything I could to support Caleb, but he’d never treated me right.

He acted like I was his back-up boyfriend, someone who was never allowed to move on in case he needed me. It was always, “Take care of yourself, Luca. Guys will use you. You’ll get hurt. You’ll hurt them. I don’t want you to end up like before.” He always claimed he wanted me to be happy, but he neverencouragedme to be happy.

The pattern had continued a few weeks earlier when I told him about Harper. It was the only time I’d ever told him about liking a guy, and he’d pitched his gaslighting version of a fit. He denigrated Harper without ever having met him, tried his best to plant seeds of distrust, and implied no one could possibly date me unless they wanted to use me for something.

DidCaleb want me to be happy? Or did he want me pining after him for the rest of my life?

When Harper and I arrived at our building, I unlocked the door so he could go in first. Nothing was guaranteed forever, butthis man cared about me, and it was time to put the Caleb Event to rest.

17/

harper

Luca wasquiet during the walk home. He didn’t seem stressed, but I could practically hear the wheels turning in his brain. Occasional hand squeezes and little grunts told me something was on his mind.

No wonder he was lost in thought, because the story he’d shared had floored me. How the hell could his supposed best friend have treated him so badly? Luca was physically perfect, but his heart and personality—so kind and considerate—were what truly set him apart. How unfair that it all probably happenedbecauseLuca was so kind and considerate he never put himself first. I didn’t know much about Caleb, but I knew all I needed to. Thanks to his—what, casual cruelty?—Luca had gone through hell. Tonight, he’d been through even more of it just telling me the story, and if I had anything to do with it, things would get better for him now.

We went to my apartment because Luca liked being there. On one of our outings to buy furniture, we found a sectional sofa. The saleswoman said the style was contemporary Italian, which made Luca declare it superior. It was a beautiful shade of blue-green the woman called moonstone, and when Luca stretched out on it and said it felt like a cloud, I was sold. It included twoequally long sofas that fit together at a right angle, so we usually sacked out on it with Luca on one side and me on the other, with our heads meeting near the corner to accommodate easy kissing.

After we poured glasses of iced tea, Luca surprised me by claiming a spot in the middle of one of the sofas. He patted the cushion beside him, and when I sat down, he angled himself so he could see my face. “I’ve already done a lot of talking tonight, but there’s one more thing I need to say. Hopefully, it won’t scare you.”

He looked uncertain, so I patted his thigh. “Nothing you’ve said has scared me yet. Just say it.”

He scraped a hand through his hair, and when his knee started jiggling, he placed a hand on top to keep it still. Eventually, he curved his lips into a smile, which was the only thing about him that looked calm right then.

“What is it, Luca?” If he was about to tell me something bad, I hoped it had nothing to do with us.

“Since all that went down with Caleb, I’ve never met another man I liked well enough to explore a relationship with. I didn’t think I could be fair to someone else while I was still hung up on Caleb.”

I nodded.

“Untilnow.” He took my hand. “Untilyou. You’re incredible, and I’m not just talking about sex, although…” His smile grew. “The sex is pretty un-fucking-believable, but it’s you I like, not only the sex.”

My lips quivered because I still wasn’t sure what was coming next. Would he tell me Caleb still cast too long a shadow, or that he wanted to focus onourrelationship? In a not-too-subtle hint, I said, “You must know I feel the same.”

His eyes were deep and warm, and I gazed into them until he said, “You are exceptional, Harp. Something extraordinaryis happening between us, and I’ve never been so excited about anyone before.”

“Not even Caleb?” Call me nuts, but the question had to be asked.

Luca kept his eyes squarely on mine. “Not by a long shot. I thought I was in love with him once, but it was too one-sided to be real. It was a fantasy, but with you…”

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