Page 47 of Crossed Sticks

“What?” My voice was louder than I intended, but I didn’t care. “Why would you say that? Since he’s an athlete, he’s safer for me than other guys are.”

“Let’s think about that for a minute.” Caleb’s attempted smile was flatter than a pancake. “Since Harper was recently traded, he could have certain reasons for wanting to date you.”

I didn’t like the tone in Caleb’s voice, so I tried to defuse it with humor. “Reasons like I’m killer handsome, stay in great shape, come with a stellar personality, and have a big dick?”

“Stop it. All that may be true, but there might be other things at play.” He paused to take a breath, and his voice was calmer when he went on. “You know I only have your best interests at heart.”

Which is why you somehow missed me falling in love with you although we were together half the time? Is that why you stomped all over my heart, and have barely found a minute for us to be together one-on-one in the years since?

I couldn’t stop an exasperated huff. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“You’re established in Buffalo. You’re a star athlete, and everyone loves you. People across the country know who you are.”

“I’m not a star.”

“Yes, you are. I’ve been to your games, remember? I also see your face everywhere, including websites and blogs that have nothing to do with sports. Since Harper is new in Buffalo, dating you could be a quick way to win acceptance there.”

Fuck Caleb. I was not going to sit there and let him run Harper down. Or me, for that matter. Did he think the only reason anyone could be interested was to use me? “Harper doesn’t need to do that. People here already love him because he’s supposed to bring new life to the Warriors. It’s been too long since they’ve had a winning season, and you should see all the publicity about him. The fans are so excited.”

After a single nod, Caleb tried again. “He’s probably lonely, moving to a new place. Having another athlete to be with feels right, and… Look, I can’t deny knowing how good you are in bed, and I’m sure Harper must be used to getting a lot of sex. How can you be sure he’s not just looking for convenient hookups? That’s whatyoudo, and personalities don’t always enter into it, do they?”

My throat closed, and I struggled not to tear up. It always sucked hearing what Caleb really thought of me. He usually let the truth slip when he thought he was saying something else, but tonight felt different. Was hetryingto hurt me?

Surely I hadn’t been so eager to see what I wanted in Harper that I missed the bigger picture. Hewasnew in town, and it was true that fans liked me, but there was no way he was faking it with the sex. At least, he couldn’t have faked enjoying it so much. Was it possible he got off on an I-don’t-get-it-much act?

No, fuck this. Caleb is so full of shit he’s trying to gaslight me. He doesn’t think anyone could possibly like me for who I am, and I’m playing right into his hands.

I tried to keep my voice down while I glowered into the phone. “You’re wrong. Harper is not like that. Plus, we’re dating, not engaged. No one even knows we’re seeing each other.”

“Not yet. But you’re a celebrity, and you never know who’s watching. Word will get out.”

“Goddammit!” I yelled. “You’re not getting it. I don’t give a flying fuck who knows because I’m proud to be with Harper. It’s so good to finally have someone who cares aboutme, who makesmefeel special. I’ve never had that before. Maybe I thought I did once, but I was wrong.”

He blinked a few times, no doubt processing what I’d said. Caleb had been my best friend for years, but today, he was making it hard to believe in him. In fact, he wasn’t acting like a friend at all. I had to make him stop, but with no time to argue, I lowered my voice and tried to be diplomatic. “Thank you for looking out for me, but you’re wrong. I don’t believe Harper is using me. We’re two single guys who are attracted to each other and have a lot in common.”

“No, you are two guys who?—”

“Listen to me. My life has been fucked up for so long, and I’m lonely. If I can be happy, please leave it alone.” My eyes welled up, and I paused to be sure I didn’t say something I’d regret. “I supported you when you fell in love with Daniel, and I could use your support now.”

Caleb’s face softened, and he took a moment before saying, “You’ve got it, Luki. I want you to be happy, but I worry that you’ll be hurt again. If you can find the right guy and settle down, nobody will be happier for you than me.”

“Thank you.”

“Just watch out for yourself, okay? There are all kinds of people out there with as many motives as there are stars in the sky. You’ve been through so much already.”

I’ve been through it, all right. And who’s responsible for that?

Shutting those thoughts down, I reminded myself that I was responsible for my own feelings. It was wrong, not to mention useless, to try to put them on someone else. “I’ll be careful because I couldn’t handle another round of heartbreak. The last one nearly killed me.”

Something flashed in his eyes. Anger? Hurt? Whatever it was, he suddenly remembered he had to go cook dinner because Daniel was hungry. We wrapped up the call, and after squeezing one more promise out of me to be careful, he was gone.

The steam from the shower swirled around me, but it couldn’t clear the jumble of thoughts in my head. Only one thing was clear: I was done letting Caleb control my life. Sure, we used to have each other’s backs because that’s what friends do, but when he fell in love with Daniel, his priorities shifted. Daniel became his focus, and while Caleb felt bad when I confessed to being in love with him, he was too deep in his relationship to be there for me. It had been the same ever since—I knew he cared, but his world had rearranged itself.

The hurt, humiliation, and sadness I felt over Caleb’s rejection grew into a firestorm that nearly broke me. Now, years later, I was still seeking his approval, letting his words guide my decisions. But no more; that ended now.

Harper and I were in the early stages of getting to know each other, finding out what was in store for us. I was scared, and it would take time to work through those fears and gain confidence, but fuck the idea that I could never be happy. However long Harper and I lasted, I wasn’t about to ruin it by being so careful I couldn’t enjoy myself.

I spent too long thinking about things in the shower, so I had to rush through the rest of my routine. Fortunately, I didn’t need to shave, which saved a little time, and I hurried into a pair of black jeans and a white button-up shirt. After running down the steps, I knocked on Harper’s door.

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