Page 28 of Crossed Sticks

I couldn’t help thinking about Luca. After we jerked off, we had another long talk about anything that came to mind. We were both tired, and as the conversation was winding down, he surprised me by asking if we could fall asleep without hanging up. Watching him drift off, his face peaceful in the soft glow of his computer screen, made me feel warm all over.

With my to-do list complete, there was no need to stay in D.C. until Monday. When I scheduled the trip, I wasn’t sure how long my business would take, and I’d wanted to spend time with my old teammates. I thought I’d be lonely in Buffalo, and spending time with guys who’d been my friends for years seemed like a smart thing to do. Now, things had changed.

As I pulled into Nick and Jacob’s driveway, I knew what I wanted to do. I couldn’t skip the going-away cookout they’d planned for Sunday, but I’d call the airline and get on Sunday evening’s flight to Buffalo. I’d been waiting too long, and if Luca wanted to spend time with me, I’d have been stupid to make him wait.

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luca

Saturday Afternoon

The humidity had returnedwith a vengeance, so I worked out in our building’s gym. My pulse pounded in my ears, a steady beat that nearly drowned out the thud of my feet on the treadmill. My chest burned from the effort, but my mind was elsewhere—on Harper. We’d fallen asleep on FaceTime, and this morning, he was still there, tangled in his sheets and scrolling through his phone. Somehow, his sleep-tousled hair and heavy-lidded eyes only made him more irresistible.

He had a few meetings scheduled for today, but we managed to squeeze in a quick chat before he had to go. I’d learned he liked eggs and fruit for breakfast, and I admitted to preferring bacon, potatoes, and sugary cereal. After he headed for the shower, I went downstairs to make coffee. Eggs and fruit sounded good, and I thought of Harper while I ate.

All day, I’d gone back and forth between wondering whether we could last longer than a few weeks, or if I’d gone nuts. When I watched a movie after my workout, I got the idea it was the latter. One of the characters was a blond man, and my handstrembled as I thought about Caleb and heard echoes of his laughter ringing in my head.

I’d been devastated when he told me he was in love with Daniel. The sting of his betrayal was still fresh, which was ridiculous—after all, we hadn’t been boyfriends, so what was there to betray? Still, we were best friends and fuck buddies, and it was hard to believe he’d been oblivious to my feelings. Whether it was rational or not, the entire Caleb Event served as a constant reminder of how easily trust could shatter.

I’d be better off if I stopped having stupid fantasies about Harper and recognized the situation for what it was—two horny guys who liked each other. It was time for a reset. As I’d thought to begin with, we could have a few good weeks, but as soon as feelings became involved, I’d check out. There was no way I wanted to be sitting here in a few years having agonizing memories about CalebandHarper.

Sunday

We’d had another all-night session on FaceTime. After talking half the night, our jerkoff sesh had been even hotter than the first time. When we woke this morning, we did it again. I could get used to spending the night with Harper, and judging from the fantasies he’d shared, it might take a long time to satisfy him. Though we hadn’t discussed it specifically, it was obvious he wanted to be dominated. Since domination play was my kink, we’d be great together.

Sunday was my rest day from working out, so I spent the time playing games, watching movies, and waiting to hear from Harper. I messaged one of my teammates, but he was visiting the Outer Banks with his girlfriend. The same went for my attempts to reach out to William and Emile, friends fromcollege. Emile was with his boyfriend, and William had gone on a cruise with his fiancé. Normally, hearing about all that romance would have made me sad, but this time it didn’t. Harper would be home this week, and for a while, I could pretend I had someone.

Fuck all my fears, anyway. I’d grieved over what might have been with Caleb for years, and it had only brought me depression and loneliness. It was time to put the past behind me and focus on having someone special in my life. If I started small—a few weeks with Harper, then maybe a few more with someone else—I might finally claw my way out of the hell I’d lived in for so long.

I was determined to trust Harper. That didn’t mean I was ready to settle down for good, but I’d lower my shields enough to enjoy dating him. It was scary as hell, but so was facing down the best lacrosse players in the country while they hurled hundred-mile-an-hour balls at me. I handled that, and I’d find a way to deal with my fear of getting close to someone.

By the evening, I was a nervous wreck, hoping for the courage to follow through on my decision to trust Harper. It was easy to be bold in my head, but soon, he’d be right in front of me, real flesh and blood. Would I feel as confident then?

He’d promised to get in touch after their cookout. Settling down with a beer, I watched TV while I waited. After a few hours, my phone chimed.

HARPER: Are you still awake?

My chest lightened as a swell of energy washed over me.

LUCA: I’ve been hoping to hear from you. How did it go? Did your old coworkers show up?

HARPER: A lot of them did, and it was great seeing everyone. How was your day?

LUCA: Quiet. I thought about our trip to the arcade for a while. You’re still down for it, right? Tuesday?

HARPER: Yeah, about that…

My blood ran cold. Was he bailing on me?

LUCA: What about it?

HARPER: I was supposed to come back tomorrow night, but things have changed.

My blood pressure spiked, and I hoped the top of my head wouldn’t fly off.

LUCA: Just say it.

HARPER: I got to thinking about how much I want to see you in person. Since I finished all my business in D.C. yesterday, my friends took me to the airport after today’s cookout.

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