Page 25 of Christmas for Keeps

“Yeah. Do you have any tissues? We’re both messes.”

Not wanting to let him go even for a few seconds, I said, “Back up a little.” When he did, I took off my sweatshirt and handed it to him. “Here. Use it first, then I will.”

His lips parted, then the corners inched their way into a smile. “Zach? Do you realize what you just did?”

Still uneasy from crying, I shook my head. “Took off my shirt?”

“Um…yeah. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the night we met.”

The penny dropped, and my chest lightened as I broke into a grin. “Oh, my God. I haven’t forgotten.” That was the night Connor had too much to drink at a frat party. I found him puking in some bushes and took off my shirt to wipe his face.

Please let it be a sign.

He looked into my eyes. “Guess it’s becoming a habit, huh? Zach and his shirts to the rescue.”

After we dried our faces, Con leaned against me. I draped an arm over his shoulders, and we listened while a choir sang carols in the background.

“Are we going to be okay?” His voice was so soft I barely heard him over the music. “After all that happened?”

My stomach quivered. I’d wanted this conversation for so long, but now that we’d had it, uncertainty still lingered between us. Saying you forgive someone is easy, but words alone are empty without actions to back them up. I had to move us along, so I said, “Sounds like we’re good on the forgiving. Now we need to move forward and stop dwelling on this. We both fucked up, but it was a lot to go through at that age. We’re older now, so…” I took a shaky breath. “What do we do?”

“The Little Drummer Boy” played while he walked his fingers across my T-shirt. “Have you ever heard that saying, ‘Mistakes are the seeds of wisdom’? We can learn from what happened.”

My lips went numb, and my neck tingled. “Learn what?”

“How much we mean to each other. That we were stupid to stop talking.” He hesitated. “I need you in my life. Do you think we could put something back together?”

Adrenaline shot through me, rocketing my heart into triple-time. “Do you mean…” Needing to be certain I understood what he meant, I asked, “Putwhatback together, exactly?”

He squeezed my hand and hooked his teeth over his lower lip. I said nothing because whatever he was thinking, he had to put it out there. He gave a small nod. “It’s been a long time, and we can’t erase what happened, but I’d love to be friends.”

Friends? No! I want way more than that!“I still love you, Con.”

“I love you too.”

I raised his hand to my lips for a kiss before finishing my thought. “You’re right that we can’t roll back time, but I’m… What about…”

Stop. Don’t scare him away. If he wants to start with friends, then that’s what you should do.

Bullshit. I’ve waited too long, and I made the mistake of not telling him what I was thinking once. Never again.

He tilted his head. “You were saying…?”

Cupping his cheek with my free hand, I said, “We’re still officially boyfriends, you know. Like I said last night, we never broke up. We belong together.”

He narrowed his eyes. “That’s a nice thought, but we both know life doesn’t work that way.”

“Why not? I’m not saying we should act like four years haven’t gone by, but since we never said we were breaking up, wearestill boyfriends.” He pursed his lips, so I added, “Technically speaking.”

“I’m sorry, but you’ve lost me. Would you please tell me exactly what you mean?”

I nodded, summoning my courage. “You’re on winter vacation from your job, and I’ve got some time. Stay here, at least for the week you’d planned to be in Stowe. Let’s hang out and get to know each other again. We’ll see what happens. Worst-case scenario, we’ll realize we really are just friends and finally say the ‘breakup’ word. But my bet is, we’ll both know we should be together, and that awful ‘B-word’ will never need to be spoken.”

He sat for a moment while a smile spread across his face. “Why not? We’ll be in a much better place, whichever way it goes.”

Heart thumping, I leaned toward him for a kiss, but he moved his head backward. “I’m not sure—”

“If we’re going to be open to all the possibilities, we can’t be afraid of a kiss.”

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