Page 83 of Falling for Finn

Once I’ve passed security, I try to stop my heart from racing. The tears welling in the corner of my eyes won’t fall, and it makes them burn. This fucking hurts more than I ever expected it would.

Once I’ve found my gate, I go to the bathroom and find a stall, then give myself permission to cry. I quietly sob in my hands, replaying all the memories we shared, knowing this is how ithasto be. Still, I hate that it feels like I’ll never see him again.

“Are you okay?” I hear a woman ask from the other side.

“Yeah,” I tell her, sniffling. I grab some toilet paper and blow my nose, trying to compose myself as heartbreak washes over me. A fling shouldn’t feel like this, like I’m mourning a soulmate I was never meant to meet.

Once I’ve cried all the tears, I wait for my flight by the large windows. A few planes land as others move toward the main runway, but I’m numb as images of Finn’s final expression linger in my mind. I hope Levi keeps an eye on him as promised.

What is Finn thinking right now? Is he feeling just as shitty as me?

Needing a distraction from my thoughts, I pull my phone from my pocket and text Tiernan. She’s always been able to make me laugh or take my mind off things.

Oakley

Wanted to let you know I’m at the airport.

That’s all I can type. I can’t seem to pull words from my tangled web of emotions and explain the turmoil I’m experiencing.

Tiernan

Great! How’d leaving the farm go?

Oakley

It was a goodbye. How do you think it went?

It’s a rude response, but I don’t know what she expects me to say.Great?

It wasn’t. It was awful.

My phone rings and it takes every bit of strength I have to answer because I don’t feel like talking.

“Are you okay?” my sister asks in the tone she uses when she’s handling me with care.

“No,” I admit. “I feel sick and my heart hurts.”

“Lovesick?” she asks, and I don’t answer. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

She knew that would make me speak up. “No, I’m anxious and emotional. I’m going to miss Finn and his family. Plus, all the shit I need to take care of when I get home is weighing on me, and I’m already overwhelmed by it. My life is dangling by a thread and about to unravel all at once.”

“Talk me through it. Save yourself a call with a therapist,” she offers.

I chuckle, even if I want to sulk. “I don’t know what I want. My career is the most important thing in my life, but I also know Finn and I connected on a deep level that I’ve never experienced with anyone before. He made several comments about how our lives are in two different places and why it made sense that we were only together while I was there. He’s probably right about that, but it still doesn’t make it easy.”

“Did you talk to him about any of this?”

“No. It’d only make it harder to confess our feelings when we can’t be together. There are too many obstacles keeping usapart. Neither of us seems to be a fan of long distance, and if neither of us will move away from our homes to be with the other, what’s the point?”

“Hmm. Well, we both know I’m not the best when it comes to relationships, so take my advice with a grain of salt. But I truly believe that if something is meant to be, it’ll find a way. Remove the outside bullshit and ask yourself if you’ll regret not being with him.”

“I don’t know. It was supposed to be a fling. But it felt like…more.”

“If it feels like a breakup, itwasn’ta fling.”

Her words stab me directly in the heart, and although she’s right, I’m too stubborn to admit it. How can it be a breakup when we both knew it would end when I left?

“Now you do sound like a therapist.”

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