Page 47 of Heartbreak Hill

Nadia knew this and had failed.

At the first sight of Lynnea’s tears, Nadia walked out of the room. She couldn’t comfort the first grader. Not in the way she needed. Nadiawent into her bedroom, into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the shower. With the water blasting, Nadia screamed. The guttural sound coming from her body shocked her. She held on to the counter for support. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her shoulders heaved and her chest grunted as she continued to emanate air. The exhaustion of the past five months had finally caught up with her, and it was as if she was only noticing now. Her eyes had sunken in, surrounded by deep dark bags. The natural auburn hair Rafe loved so much was lackluster, at best. On closer inspection, split ends covered the bottom three or four inches, but that was nothing compared to the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes and along her forehead. She had aged fifty years since her husband had passed.

Nadia needed to get her shit together or she wouldn’t survive. She had two children to think about. They needed to come first.

After shutting off the water, she left her room, walked to Lynnea’s room, and found her sitting on her bed, still in her pajamas. Nadia felt the anger boil and ignored it. “I’m sorry for yelling,” she told her. “Mommy’s frustrated and angry, and I took it out on you. Come on, let’s get dressed. You can wear whatever you want. Meet me downstairs for breakfast, but hurry because we’re already late.” She kissed the tip of Lynnea’s nose and ignored the thumb in her mouth.

Gemma’s room was empty, but she’d made her bed, which made Nadia smile. She found her oldest downstairs, sitting at the table. The pancakes weren’t on the floor anymore, and the griddle had been turned off. Guilt washed over Nadia. Gemma was eight, turning nine in December, and more of an adult than Nadia at this point.

“I’m sorry I yelled.” She ran her hand down Gemma’s hair and kissed the top of her head.

“I miss him, too, Mommy.”

Nadia nodded, unable to find her voice. She moved toward the griddle and turned it back on to make more pancakes.

“Maybe we need help.”

Nadia looked out the kitchen window, staring at the bird on her neighbor’s fence. How could a child be wiser than the parent?

“You’re right, Gemma. I’ll call someone today.”

By the time they’d made it out of the house, Nadia was late for work. She called into school and said she would be there shortly and offered no other explanation.

Lynnea opened the front door and said, “What the heck.”

“Lynnea, please don’t say that in school.” Nadia came toward the door and froze. Kiran paused as he came toward the house. He held flowers in one hand and bottles of chocolate milk in the other. Rafe had bought the girls flowers and chocolate milk on their first day of school each year. Nadia swallowed the lump in her throat.

He smiled, but it wasn’t the one she was used to. Today was different. The wide, bright, cheerful smile showed happiness, excitement.

“What are you doing here, Kiran?”

“Well,” he said as he looked at his hands. “I was hoping to catch you at home before you lovely ladies left for the day.” He took the steps and stopped in front of Lynnea, handing her a bottle of chocolate milk and one of the bouquets in his hand, and then did the same for Gemma. “I know it’s not the same when it doesn’t come from your dad, but I wouldn’t be doing my job as his best friend if I didn’t have these for you today.”

“Thank you,” both girls said for their gerbera daisies.

“Why don’t you take your flowers into the house. Gemma can get you a vase, Lynnea.” Nadia watched the girls until they’d disappeared from her sight.

She turned back to Kiran. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I did,” he said, nodding. “It’s not fair, what you and the girls are going through, and if something as simple as showing up on the first day of school makes them smile ... makes you smile, then I know I’ve done the right thing.”

“Thank you.”

He extended his hand and gave her the last bouquet. Hers had white roses and carnations, along with lavender lilies, accented with baby’s breath and greenery. This wasn’t a bouquet you bought at the grocery for under ten dollars next to the checkout. This was an arrangement someone had put some thought into. After she inhaled the roses, she glanced at Kiran. He looked embarrassed.

“Thank you, Kiran,” she said. Nadia inhaled again, but only to hide her smile. She didn’t want him to see her grin.

“It’s my pleasure, Nadia.” He nodded and turned around. She watched him walk down the path to his car. When he got to the driver’s side, he stared back at her for a long moment, and then he ducked inside to drive away.

SIXTEEN

REID

The text from Grayson read:Be ready by 6!

Reid had lost count of how many times she’d looked at it or any of his previous ones. The shift in their relationship was definitely playing out in the way he texted her as well. Long gone were the ridiculous memes, although he still sent a few on occasion, and in their place were hearts and googly eyes. Each text brought a smile to her face.

She’d finally gotten her man.

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