Page 18 of Heartbreak Hill

“You have enough on your plate,” Cleo replied.

Nadia shook her head slightly and sighed. “I want to organize my husband’s funeral. It’s something ...” She paused, closed her eyes, and let the tears stream down her cheeks.

“It’s something Nadia needs to do,” Warren said for his daughter. “As much as we all want to help, I think our efforts are going to bebest used where the girls are concerned, on the household, and helping Nadia where she needs.”

Cleo said nothing.

Nadia couldn’t be with her at the moment and stood. “I’m going ...” She pointed toward the hall. “I need a moment.”

She walked down the hall, past the wooden doors leading to intensive care, past the small room where a doctor had shattered her world, and around a corner, where she found a solarium, lit up by the sun. She’d had no idea they were on the top floor of the hospital until she opened the door and stepped in.

Inside the solarium were a couch and a couple of chairs, with a fountain in one corner and a flower garden in another. This could easily be a place for prayer or a sanctuary away from the madness down the hall. It made sense for this room to be near the roof, closer to where people believed heaven was.

The sun enveloped her in warmth. She closed her eyes and absorbed the energy, wishing she could turn back the clock to Saturday morning and ask him not to run. They could drive out to Cape Cod instead and let the girls play in the sand and surf.

Nadia had long given up on wiping her tears away. She let them flow down her cheeks, onto the shirt her mother had brought from the house, and even onto her arms.

She lay down on the couch and stared through the glass ceiling at the blue, cloudless sky. If they were home, the girls would be outside and Rafe would be on their deck, turning the grill on for burgers and dogs, while Nadia sat on their swing with a book in her lap, secretly admiring her husband. She choked on a sob and didn’t bother trying to stop it. She was the only one in the room, so no one was there to judge her.

Crying was supposed to be cathartic. It wasn’t. She feared nothing would ever ease the pain she felt. Her husband had been gone for a day, and she missed him something fierce. She had to accept that once the machines were turned off, she’d never feel his heart beating againsther hand or the warmth of his touch. Once he was sealed into a coffin, she’d never see him again.

“Rafe, please tell me what I’m supposed to do here.”

A whooshing sound and a shadow appeared overhead. She caught the tail end of a helicopter flying by. Nadia stood and walked to the corner of the room and watched it land on the helipad. Once the blades had slowed, two people carrying a cooler ran toward the helicopter and got on. Then it was airborne again. She knew from her many shows that the cooler contained an organ destined to go and save someone’s life.

Nadia had never been one to believe in signs until now. With a deep breath, she left the room and walked back to where her family waited, feeling a newfound purpose. When she reached the edge of the waiting room, she cleared her throat.

“I’ve decided to donate Rafe’s organs. It’s what he would want.” She looked directly at Rafe’s parents and sister. Otto nodded, while Freya sent daggers her way and comforted her mother.

To her own parents, she said, “Please have Hazel bring the girls. I want them here.” She then left to go find the doctor.

An hour later, Nadia, Gemma, and Lynnea held hands and followed Rafe’s bed into the elevator. When they reached the surgical floor, the doors opened to strangers lining both sides of the hall: nurses, orderlies, doctors, and other hospital staff, and the police officer who had helped her yesterday, along with other police officers, firefighters, and medics. At the end of the hall was their family. As Rafe passed by, everyone took their turn saying goodbye.

Before the doctor pressed the button to open the doors and take her husband and her children’s father away, she told the girls to say their last goodbye.

“Dance with me in heaven, Daddy,” Gemma said as she kissed her dad.

“I love you, Daddy,” Lynnea cried as she said goodbye.

Nadia gripped Rafe’s warm hand. “I will love you forever,” she told him as she pushed her fingers through his hair. “Thank you for loving me, Rafe Karlsson.”

She nodded to the surgeon and stepped back from his bed. She stared at the ground, unable to watch him disappear behind the doors.

SIX

REID

As much as she hated to admit it, Reid despised being at home or work without Grayson. It didn’t help that they lived in the same apartment complex, a little fact they’d figured out the first day they’d met. Since then, they had fallen into an easy routine. Each morning, she’d text him she was leaving, and he’d meet her at the elevator. They’d walk to the train station, stopping to get coffee on the way. They had a work-life balance that worked for them. Reid liked routine, and right now, hers was off.

Almost a month had passed, with no end in sight. Reid kept her phone by her side, with the ringer full volume, in case Sydney called. Every day after work, Reid went to the hospital and sat by Grayson’s side, reading to him, while Sydney went home and showered and saw her husband before coming back to sleep next to her son. Sydney was an optimist, and each day she said to Reid, “Today’s the day, I can feel it.”

Reid also detested hearing her say those words because it meant someone would need to lose a loved one for Grayson to live. In this day and age, science should’ve figured things out by now and created some way for people to live without a heart. As soon as she thought about it, she realized how ridiculous it would be. Science and technology were keeping Grayson alive for the time being.

During the day, when her thoughts ran wild, she spent far too much time on the web, looking up Grayson’s illness and prognosis. The first night, she’d gone right to his place and rummaged through his drawers and cabinets until she’d found the pills Sydney had asked about. They were under his bathroom sink, hiding in the back. He’d refilled the bottle over six months earlier but hadn’t taken any of the pills. She counted them. More than once. And each time, she’d grown angrier with him because all this was preventable. Reid pictured herself waking him up and shaking the ever-loving shit out of him for what he’d done to his mom and her.

Reid had read that heart transplant patients might experience some changes after the fact. Like going from loving something to hating it. She hoped Grayson wouldn’t start hating basketball. He loved the game and loved playing it. That wasn’t it, though. What if, after the transplant, he no longer wanted to be her friend? She felt guilty about him being there. Maybe if she hadn’t brought up dating, he’d be at work right now. No, she knew this wasn’t true. Grayson was lucky she was there when he had the heart attack.

Her phone rang, startling her. The screen showed Melanie’s photo. After her heart went back to a normal rhythm, she put her earbud in and answered. “Hey.”

---