Page 74 of Solitude

“Mornin’,” Beck says cheerily. “What’re my guys up to?”

“Missing you.”

“Aw, I miss you guys, too.”

Grinning, I grab my water cup and sling my bag over my shoulder. “Let’s go, guys. Car. Move it. Stevie, babe, grab your bag first.” She huffs and drags it behind her instead. I roll my eyes as Beck chuckles into the receiver. “When will you be home?”

“Tonight,” he replies, shuffling around. “I have a meeting with my agent at noon for lunch then I’m headed that way.”

“Any news?”

“I’ll know for sure later, but I think they plan to offer me a three-year contract.”

“B!” I squeal, excitement bubbling over despite the way he says I jinx everything—hockey players and their superstitions. “That’s great!”

“Don’t get too excited.” He sighs, and I hear more crinkling. “I fucking miss you guys so much.”

My heart aches for him, and I trail after the kids with a sadness settling in my features that I usually try to hide. As I buckle the kids into their seats, I reply, “I know. If I could, I’d never let you leave.”

“This was the first season that I could actually enjoy the game again.”

“Being an hour away is so much easier than LA, B.”

When Beck was drafted, he went to LA just like he thought he would. We thought that first season would be the hardest since we were newly married and pregnant, but it’s been the three seasons following the first that were hardest of all.

Staying in LA for three seasons wasn’t the plan, but Beck couldn’t get out of his contract, and I guess he played well enough that LA didn’t want to trade him either. Then last season he finally got traded to North Carolina, one hour away from Magnolia Hollow, and it was like the skies cleared. He was happy again, no longer throwing around words like ‘quit’ or ‘retirement’.

He played the best season of his career with North Carolina, and they’d be stupid not to lock him down.

“Enough about me,” he huffs. “You have your opening today. How are you feeling?”

“Nervous.”

“And…?”

Pursing my lips, I start the car and back out of the driveway. “Just nervous. Gwen has been blowing my phone up all morning about the line already, and I’m terrified I’m going to blow it and freeze up.”

“Winnie. That’s the most absurd thing you’ve ever said.” I can hear Beck’s grin as he speaks. “You found a purpose. You found the thing to make you feel alive,finally, and you’ve worked so fucking hard for it. Don’t let that voice in your head get to you, baby.”

“I found my purpose a long time ago.”

“Oh, yeah? So if your purpose isn’t partnering with Gwen and running a joint bakery and book store, then what is it?”

I drive past Bluebird Ranch, knowing Beth and Cal and Matt are hard at work already finishing up their morning chores and prepping for the long, hot summer day. I drive past the speed limit sign I can remember walking past every day on my way to town five years ago, and I drive past the police station where Cole’s truck is parked in the lot with a Hollow Hockey bumper sticker on the back.

Flicking my blinker on, I turn my car into Magnolia Hollow Elementary School and get in the car rider lane, my reality slamming into me suddenly.

“Just being here and being happy, B.” My answer is throaty and clogged with emotion, but I know he’ll understand. He’d said the words once upon a time. “My purpose is existing. You, the kids, the job… It’s all an added bonus.”

“That’s my girl,” he whispers softly, and I can feel the love in his voice as if he were sitting beside me holding my hand. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

We hang up, and I take a few minutes to wipe at my face and unbuckle the kids as their teacher comes to Stevie’s door.

“Good morning, guys,” their teacher, Elle, greets them. She smiles at me and nods. “How is everyone this morning, huh?”

“Running behind,” I answer, leaving theas usualoff since Elle gets it.

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