Page 17 of Solitude

Finally, I nod and unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth. “Good. Glad to be graduated I guess. You?”

Beck shrugs, still standing with his swing at the ready. “Also good. Live, laugh, love, hockey, ya know?”

A soft laugh escapes me. “I heard you’re on your way to the NHL.”

“My parents think so. My coach seems to think so, but I don’t know,” Beck admits with a shrug. He doesn’t sound too torn up over the possibility. “That’s the goal, obviously, but I’m just trying not to lose focus.”

“That makes sense.”

“What about you?” Beck asks, a hand leaving the metal chains to glide through his hair. “Where are you headed at the end of summer?”

“Harvard, apparently.”

Beck lifts a brow at my wording. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic or sure about that.”

“I don’t want to talk about the future right now…if that’s okay?”

Beck drops back onto the rubber seat and comes to sit across from me. Not swinging. Just sitting beside me. And I soak up the proximity of his body.

We don’t say anything for a few moments, and I worrythat’s just the end of it. That I’ve ruined a perfectly good time by shutting down what should be the easiest topic of conversation ever.

“Ben said he saw you today,” Beck says, respecting my wish to change topics, and I’m grateful. “Said you’re working at Sugar with Gwen Rigby.”

I nod, a smile on my face. “Yeah, I love it–the work and Gwen. We’ve become good friends.”

“She’s always been great,” Beck says casually, and I frown.

“You know Gwen?”

“Everyone knows everyone here, Winnie. Gwen was friends with my sister for a while before Andy entered her rebellious phase.”

Oh.

Scrunching my nose, I push my spiraling thoughts away. Gwen can be friends with whoever she wants, and I’m not idiotic enough to think Beck hasn’t had girlfriends in the past. The possibility of Gwen and Beck being together doesn’t feel outrageous in the back of my mind, I suppose.

He keeps talking, unaware of my swirling thoughts. “What about Sienna? You guys are still friends, right?”

“Oh, no, yeah,” I say quickly then I pause. “That came out weird. I meant, yes, we are.”

Beck chuckles and cocks his head. “No? Yes?”

I let out a breath, trying to relax, and laugh along with him softly. “Yes. We are friends. We just…had a little argument tonight.”

“Ah…” Beck nods understandingly. “I get it.”

To distract from the topic of me, I search his face and ask, “What about you and Gus? He was always the third in the trio, right?”

Beck scoffs, “Like we’d ever be able to get rid of that guy. He’s like a fucking leech–in the best way. He hooked onto us, and it would take the jaws of life to pry him away at this point.”

I’m laughing so hard at his imagery that I snort, and he smiles at me like nothing has ever made him happier.

“I like making you laugh,” he says gently, confirming my thoughts with soft eyes and a lopsided grin.

He says it like he doesn’t even realize the words have left his mouth, like he’s unaware of the hope he’s giving me. He says it like he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Like he’s not terrified and trembling in the face of vulnerability.

He says it like that’s just something we say to each other.

And because I am who I am, I release a soft, “Oh.”

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