Page 76 of Solitude

Blinking back the emotion clogging my throat, I swallow and smile down at her. “I bet he’s on his way home right now. You think we should make him a special breakfast?”

Stevie jumps excitedly, tugging my arm. “Yes! Daddy loves pancakes, ya know. He told me so.”

“He likes when mama cuts the strawberries into hearts, too!” Jude interjects.

I lift a brow. “He does?”

They both nod. Stevie raises a finger and says matter of factly, “He also likes coffee, but only when mama makes it.”

Jude nods. “He said no one else makes it gooder than you, mama.”

“Better,” I correct automatically then inhale shakily. I miss Beck. I hate that he’s gone for long periods of time like this, but knowing the kids remember all of the little things he says or does makes that hole feel a little less empty.

I thought he’d be home by now, but his meeting ran over with his agent. So now he’s running behind schedule, which I know bothers him just as much as it bothers me.

Once we get half way down the drive, the kids wriggle out of my hold and bolt for the porch where Beth andCalvin are standing, waiting for them, and I can faintly hear the way the kids holler out for Gran and Papa as they near.

Jude trips going up the steps, but Calvin catches him before he can bust his face. The sight tugs at my heart, making me glad the kids have their own version of grandparents. Glad I have my own version of parents.

Colson sent me a birthday card. He must’ve put it in the mailbox at Sugar on his way to the office, and I stared at it for entirely too long this afternoon before I left.

He’s trying.

It just feels too late.

“Get on up here, birthday girl!” Calvin hollers. He has Jude hoisted up on his hip, and he whispers something in Jude’s ear that makes him giggle. Stevie and Beth are holding hands on the porch, and I stop walking, just watching them with a goofy grin.

I dreamed of this. I dreamed of the day I’d have a family. Nothing more or less. Just a family.

Clearing my throat, I stroll up the porch steps and hook my arms around Calvin and Beth’s necks, hugging them to my body tightly as Jude and Stevie squirm and complain about being squished.

Beth pulls away and brushes a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “You okay, Win?”

“Yeah,” I breathe. “I just… love you guys.”

She smiles softly, squeezing my arm. “You know we love you and these babies so much, right?”

“I know.”

Calvin ruffles my hair. “Good. Let’s go eat then.”

Beth slaps at his chest. “You only care about food, Cal. Damn. We were having a moment.”

“I thought the moment was over?”

“It is,” I assure him and push them through the screen door. “Though I’m definitely going to cry about missing Beck lat—AHH! Holy shit!”

A scream tears out of my lungs as a dozen or more people burst out of the shadows shouting surprise as I walk into the livingroom of the farmhouse. My hand is clutching the fabric of my dress over my racing heart, and the twins laugh so hard I’m worried they might pee themselves.

“Mama said a bad word,” Stevie giggles.

“It’s not bad. It’s just grown-up, remember?” Jude reminds her seriously.

Cole moves toward me first, a shit-eating grin on his face as he wraps me up in a big hug and lifts me off the ground. “Happy birthday, kid!”

Back on two feet, I punch his shoulder. “Scared the heck out of me. Did you plan all of this?”

Cole shakes his head and moves out of the way.

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